The Angry Interns 16.2

Angry Interns(tm)

Is your style off the heazy fo’ sheazy? Does your whip have mo’ bounce to the ounce? Is your wardrobe ghetto-fabulous? If you answered “word” to any of these questions, then it’s time for a change, dog-’cause your style is played out!
It’s all about staying a few steps ahead of the pack-cutting edge, man-so act like you know. You think you’re going to be the next big thing? Well, get to work. It’s punk-rock time, puke face!
And don’t even ask how we know-we’re up in the mix over here.
Things change-board companies update their graphics every year, clothing companies pick new colors every season, so why are you still running last year’s … disposition?
Are we saying this clearly enough? To be on the forefront of the snowboard scene, you need to be on some new shit! That doo-ragged, thugged-out playa look just cannot cut it two years in a row.
To pull the sponsors and the movie part, you’ll need to take the Backstreet-beard attachment off your clippers and shave up a spiky Mohawk or go skin!
Those tear-off, breathable, cargo snowpants should be tossed-get some tight-fitting, ripped jeans that you can freeze your ass off in. Discard your waterproof, pit-zip jacket and get yourself a Sid Vicious leather. Don’t be shy about adding a few spikes for flair. Hats and goggles are out, too. That’s right, you’re tough now-you can take it. Just think, these slight changes give you even more reasons to be pissed off at the world-as any self-respecting punk should be.
Which leads us to your music-everyone knows your taste in music is crucial for adding credibility and depth to your gutter-punk image. It’s easier than it sounds, too-just absorb as much as you can from your punkest friend and branch off from there. Which bands are the real punks into, which bands are shite?
Listen to everything, but remember, liking it is not essential-just play along until you can drop a few names comfortably. Finally, and this may give you your edge, find the most obscure, seminal punk bands and claim away-let everyone know you were into them way before anyone else. If fools question your Johnny Thunders box set or Voidoids vinyl, leave those hip-hop-has been’s in the dust. Obviously they’re not with it and can only cramp your style.
The last part of your new image will probably be the most difficult to master because it involves your overall presence-your “aura,” if you will. Forget about the healthy, hard-working “chill-guy” rep you’ve been honing-that’s over. It’s time to get raw. If there’s a party, you gotta get belligerent! You’re in the scene to make a scene, so live it up! Shave your eyebrows, vomit more, get tattoos! But keep in mind, your image is an “evolution,” so don’t compromise future trend-shifts by going overboard and piercing your face. Next year, the preppie thing could be back (let’s hope not). But until then, punk’s not dead!
There you have it-your insider’s guide to image. Hey, maybe you don’t want the Interns(tm) all up in your biz-nass, but this is how you make the big bucks. Worry about your riding later. For now, work on your new look-but don’t get too comfortable, because the next big thing is already happening.