Secrets Revealed: Snowboarding For Cash!

Let's face it, the days when just about any moron could get a lavish sponsorship from a snowboard company are dead. Granted, there's a select few who receive impressive salaries for performing their on-snow acrobatics, but what about the washed-up or wannabe pro? It can be a real bummer if you know you're good and no one will pay you a cent for your skills. What are you supposed to do? The answer is quite simple; you need to show the world your talent, and why waste your time on the mountain where you're often overshadowed by a boatload of other spinning shredders? Take your skills to the street, as in, city street.

A little prep work must be executed before hitting the streets. First, make sure you have “The Look” (very important). Experiment with various outfits to separate you from the rest of the pack. Remember, everything matters, from the boots on your feet to the beanie covering your brain. Basically, showcasing yourself in gaudy, overtly shocking fashion will help you achieve “The Look,” or, as they say in France, “Le Look.”

Finally, you need a routine. Think of something clever, like jumping on a miniature trampoline while grabbing and poking your board. It's incredibly stupid and sure to attract a wandering eye from the cash-happy pedestrian passing you by. Also, people like big tip jars. No one likes to throw money into a small container. Furthermore, how's a team manager supposed to drop a wad of hundred-dollar bills attached to a three-year contact into a miniscule opening?

Well, I wish you luck in your attempt to snowboard for money. Maybe, if you're good like me, you'll top the eleven cents I made one afternoon. Only two more days on the street until I can afford a postage stamp. Damn, that's gonna be great.