J2’s Cents

By J2

Not too long ago, I used to go over to my friend Adam Merriman’s house in Colorado (we liked to call him Merry Analman) every morning for coffee. Not only was there coffee, but also a bunch of bros hangin’ out, talkin’ ’bout current events, old news, new news, yesterday’s news, and how to keep Adam’s temper from reachin’ boilin’ point from the amount of hangin’ out goin’ down in his crib. One of my favorite things to do was to argue ’bout anything. I would bitch, moan, complain, disagree, and overall just bellyache (even when I knew I was wrong), then admit defeat at the last second.

Since I moved to SLC, I’ve continued on with my shit talkin’. Andy Wright took notice of this and told the nerds at TransWorld SNOWboarding that they should give me a little area to holla.

For reasons unknown to me, I have a fair amount of trivialknowledge¿completely random information. This info is usually only retained in fragments on my memory slope (not bank). This means that whatever is spewing from my mouth is most likely true, but there’ll be a lot of stuff I have unjustly elaborated on to make the story sound better. From here on out, I’ll be tryin’ to write this short stack of garbage concerning nothing too important¿my two cents …


It’s an emotional roller coaster¿the illegal-type highs, the ATM card-crippling lows. If gambling feels like this to you, you probably need to go to Gamblers’ Anonymous. But if you dislike that idea as much as I do, then just start doing it more.

Three dice is all you need for a street game called C-Lo. Its rules vary from place to place, and I’ve seen the stakes go as high as Bjorn Leines’ car title, and that’s just in shred-ville. Imagine the piles of ice lookin’ like igloos in rap-land.

Here’s the basic rules for three or more players (which I was taught on a trip to the Lower East Side of Manhattan, probably where it was made up): Everyone rolls one die, the person with the highest die then rolls first. Ante up and take your roll. To get started you need to roll doubles¿the third die number is the number in play. The doubles rolled do not matter in your standings. (For instance, two sixes and a five are the same as two ones and a five.) The highest number in play by the time the last person rolls is the winner. If there’s a tie, the two or more people have a showdown to determine the winner.

You can either double down or push¿your choice. If you roll a one, two, or three, you’re an automatic loser. The main goal is to roll a four, five, or six, known as C-Lo. That’s an automatic winner, no matter what was rolled before or if this was the first roll. You win¿take the cash.

The next-best roll is triples, a.k.a. “trips is dubs.” The thing with trips is that everyone doubles their original bet, but the roll order doesn’t change. For example, in a game with four players, in which two have already rolled and the number to beat is five, player three rolls triple ones and screams, “Trips is dubs, fools” so everyone doubles down. Now the only way player three gets beat is if player four rolls triple twos or better, or C-Lo. If the fourth player rolls triple ones, it’s a showdown between players three and four. It sounds unfair to the first two players, but that’s the ghetto for ya. One of the most important things to remember is to make lots of noise, be obnoxious, and let the losers know were they stand.

This was quickly written, and my sources were sketchy, so if shit’s off a little, you can cram all complaints up your pie hole. I’ll give you two playa rules next month, maybe …