Dumped & Kitted(tm) with JP Walker

I don’t know Mercedes-what is it?
It’s a Mercedes Benz, CLK 55 AMG.

What year?
Two-thousand-and-one, fool-obviously!

It’s not the car you were runnin’ in The Resistance?
No, that was a 1999 CLK 430.

Is that car weak in comparison?
So weak.

I didn’t know you rolled so heavy! Yeah, dude, the other one wasn’t kitted at all-it wouldn’t even have made the article.

I was hyped on that car. Well, it’s the same body style-mine’s just all pimp. It looks similar, except this one has nineteen-inch Brabus rims and AMG brakes, suspension, and exhaust. They take the 430 and make it into a 55-so the engine’s bigger and it has different interior colors you can only get on the AMG. It has black wood on the inside trim-not the old-man burlwood style. It’s got dope wood and random chrome throughout-it’s pretty tight.

How fast?
It’s fast, dude-it has 350 horsepower. I haven’t taken it that fast ’cause it’s not in my name yet. I don’t want to get in trouble for driving too fast-I already got pulled over, and they said they could impound it. I’m still trying to get used to the Tiptronic transmission, all Benzes are automatic. If you want to downshift, you tap the shifter to the left and it displays the gear selection on the instrument cluster. Upshifts tap right-it’s tight.

How much does one of these cost?
Seventy-thousand laughter.

A Forum bonus?
Yeah, right. Mention that to Four Star before I send in the check. Another cool thing about this car-there’s a two-year waiting list, but I got mine from Raul Four Star kingpin, so that was key. I don’t want to wait two years for a car.

What did he get to top yours?
He got a CL500-it’s not faster yet, but it’s got every possible feature. It has massaging air-conditioned seats! He already dropped it off at Brabus Benz tuner-when they’re done, it’s going to go 200 miles an hour. It’s going to be super gnarly.

You roll this thing around to MiloSport and stuff?
Yeah, for sure, dude! I feel weird when I roll to spots like that sometimes-or to the skatepark. To get out and grab your skate from the trunk … but it’s cool, whatever.

Are the haters runnin’ thick?
So thick-you get some crazy looks. This friend of mine was like, “I saw this Mercedes the other day and had to see what kind of person drove that sick of a car-and it was you!” He was trippin’.

Anything else?
If you’re going to get a Benz and pimp it out-go with AMG.It’s all done so you don’t have to hook it up and deal with all the aftermarket crap. You still have to pay for it-but you don’t have to deal.

Ali Disses Your Whip(tm)

“JP’s first player kit-complete with doo-rag and clip-on cornrows.”