Board Sabotage

Paybacks are a bitch, and oh how bittersweet they are when they are least expected. Vengeance can be evoked by something as innocent as your roommate using the last bit of toilet paper and not buying more, to something as ruthless as your best friend schmoozing with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You don’t want to fight someone every time they do you wrong, so getting even with them is usually the safest and most PC way of doing things. Here are a few of our favorite forms of sabotage that apply to snowboarding and that you will likely not be incarcerated for.

Did you forget how to snowboard or something?

1. Tape both edges on snowboard from top to bottom. Note¿use clear tape, dummy!

2. Take a razor blade and trim the tape from the base, so that only the edges are covered.

3. Replace the snowboard exactly as you found it. Raising suspicion will blow this whole thing.

Effect: No use of edges.

The ol’ ink on the goggles trick.

1. Snatch your friend’s goggles just prior to riding.

2. Apply either permanent or washable ink (determine which one to use by the severity of the crime) to the inside sponge-like material of the goggle. Replace goggles exactly where you found them.

3. Wash any ink off your hands with warm soap and water. You don’t want to get caught for the crime when you are pointing the finger at someone else.

Effect: A bad case of raccoon eyes.

A ski racer’s favorite.

1. Grab snowboard at the tip and flex it the opposite way of the camber.

2. While board is still flexed, take a razor blade and make a series of deep, parallel scratches from edge to edge, across the base of the board.

3. Spray snow on this person as they try to descend the slope of the mountain at a snail’s pace.

Effect: As the board flexes, the scratches from the razor blade will open up and the board will slow down considerably. Warning: The damage you do to the base is irreversible and can only be fixed by about a 100 base grinds.

Screw you.

1. Attempt this feat at night.

2. Remove all screws from the bindings, and make a note of what the stance looked like prior to your tampering.

3. Using the smooth side of a file, to file down approximately a quarter-inch of the screw, so only a few threads catch when you screw it back in.

4. Replace bindings on board exactly the way you found them, and update this person’s health-insurance policy.

Effect: Bindings will detach from base of snowboard.

Warning: Irreversible damage may occur to inserts.