Salty Sam Driver and the Story of the Artifact Jerk Moves by Ron Faverty

Sam Driver, aside from being The Man, has been a part of the Rome SDS family for quite a long time.  Born and raised in the Portland Oregon area, Driver’s a rippin’ snowboarder and one of the best dudes you’ll ever get a chance to hang out with.

Driver and his gun.

Driver and his gun.

About three years ago, Driver was hitting a booter out at Mt. Hood and suffered a pretty gnarly compound fracture to his fibula or tibia.  Salty by nature, there’s nothing like a bone sticking out of your leg and a year-plus worth of recovery to really let the bitter flow.  I have fond memories of Driver’s recovery period: him sitting at a concrete pool with a box of Hamm’s, tossing screws into the flat bottom, laughing and slapping his knee with pure joy at the swell-bows he was creating.

It was about this time that the idea for the Jerk Move Coffee Table Book, (which he still may publish) dawned on him.  Just a book of moves one would do if they were a Total Jerk.  According to Driver, there are rules to a Jerk Move though.  They can’t be done for any real personal gain.  For instance, robbing a bank is not a Jerk Move; you’re just trying to get paid, and aren’t that into working.  It also can’t REALLY hurt anyone.  Pushing someone down the stairs is not a Jerk Move.  This rule however is gray.  Going to the Gap while you have the chicken pox, and touching every piece of clothing in the store…that may indeed be a Jerk Move.

Every week or so, I’d get a text message from Driver that would read something like, “Jerk Move #168: Have a cookout with free hot-dogs at a PETA rally”, or “Jerk Move #94: Upper-decker your girlfriend’s toilet and then blame her for it.”


Treebonk! PHOTO: Tyler Osland

One thing about having friends on the West Coast is that their 1 am good times are your 4 am sleep times.  This means I read a lot of texts and listen to a lot of voicemails the next day.  One morning, Mike Paddock, (the Art Director of board graphics here at Rome) and I, were standing in front of Rome, drinking a morning coffee and chatting a bit.  While he was mentioning he was in the process of thinking up next year’s Artifact, I was reading text messages… and there was a spankin’ new Jerk Move from Driver.  It was absolutely a perfect fit.

Every Rome Artifact is stamped with the “Driver Approved” logo.  This lets you know that this isn’t just  run of the mill mischief, but a true Jerk Move, putting you on the path to being… a Total Jerk.


*While the Rome SDS cannot endorse, or be held responsible for repercussions of an initiated Jerk Move, we do request photos.