Words: Stan Leveille
I can't tell if the feeling in my stomach is a permanent hangover or just cramps from laughing so hard for two weeks, but I'm trying to convince myself it's the latter. After 11 flights, 7 countries and more vodka sodas then I dare to count, I'm living the literal future of yesterday.
Having made it back to America sans arrest or international quagmire, I feel like an accomplished and spell broken Bill Murray at the end of Groundhog Day–that movie where the same day repeats itself over and over until the spell is broken when he finds true love. I guess I never found true love, but I do really miss DJ Blueman… But we'll get to him later.
Here was the Cozy Bois daily itinerary:
- Wake up way too early considering the hour in which we collectively stumbled to bed.
- Pile into a cab for the airport.
- Get through security, pray you have a window seat so you can smash yourself into the wall and get some "sleep."
- Land, get drinks, head to hotel.
- More drinks, dinner, signings, show the movie.
- After party. Roughly 1,000 drinks consumed.
Rinse, Lather, Repeat, you know? In fear of sounding cliche, I will describe the tour as some sort of continuing war zone. Again, I recognize this as a fairly unoriginal metaphor, but I dare you to spend a single night in the trenches of a bonafide bender with these boys (let alone 13) and try and tell me there is a better comparison.
The idea was solidified for me on the tour's fourth stop, London. Monster Europe's local marketing team printed out large photos of the naked double cork scene with Ethan and Halldór from the movie. They were hung prominently along the walls like some sort of clandestine art show. By 12 AM, (during DJ Blueman's second-ever DJ set,) the more inebriated portion of the crowd roamed the refurbished airplane hanger and began ripping the pictures off the wall and swinging the large posters dangerously. The floor was littered with cups and unknown liquids while people flailed, danced, yelled and moshed. I recall Lobster team rider Sparrow Knox waving a poster of a naked Halldór like a matador as Tor charged, both laughing maniacally.Not soon after this, a mega-fan would ask Halldór to sign a poster and also, if he could take a "birdbath shot." That's right. I literally watched someone take a shot of liquor out of Halldór’s testicle skin. I was aware of this concept, but I always assumed it was kind of a joke. Not something that actually went down. Boy, was I wrong, and I will never be able to erase that image.
I guess what's crazy, is that each different night seemed to boast its own laundry list of occurrences that made it wild in its own way. So, while the schedule was the same, in a call back to my Groundhog Day reference. The details changed. As for all the exact details that made each stop special? Many of them are lost forever. Regardless, I put together a list of hilarious/notable occurrences that I do recall:
Max Buri Jumps from a second story window onto a couch on the stage. Stomps it. The club owners are not hyped. The crew, IS.
Sebbe orders a bottle of red wine to himself at a swanky dinner, and continues to make the joke, "Ok, seriously guys, who keeps putting alcohol in my drink?"
I slip off my skateboard on a steep hill. The board careens into a curb, probably two feet away from a blue Ferrari. Halldór looks at me like, "Fuck man, I couldn’t have even helped you with that one."
Moments after meeting us at the beach with his freshly dyed blue hair, an older woman starts hitting on Ethan Morgan aggressively while he does yoga. We all decide the blue hair is going to change Ethan's life. DJ Blueman is born. (For more on this, read on for the segment entitled “DJ BLUEMAN WON THE TOUR”)
I go to a casino with Halldór and company. I put 40 euros on black and lose it all. Halldór continues to win.
Ethan, Halldór and I actually go for a run one morning.
Within two songs of DJ Blueman's set, the venue is forced to remove the tables because too many people are dancing on them.
During the afterparty, I watch Halldór do a seemingly impossible crowd surf.
Blueman gets into a drumming battle on the marble with the bartender and smashes a glass with a stirring rod.
A literal army tank of young hip English people campaigning for an art festival stop the tank in the middle of a crowded street to converse with DJ Blueman because they like his hair.
I see my first Birdbath.
After what is perhaps the most raucous premiere showing to date, we get this letter from the cinema:
Deciding it is mandatory that DJ Blueman play another DJ set, we force a DJ set on the venue, where Ethan acts as working bartender and DJ.
You can still smoke inside bars in Austria and it increases the hangover tenfold.
Blueman forgets his phone and Ipad at the bar, has to leave the next morning without them. He will remain phoneless for the duration of the trip.
We show The Future of Yesterday before Henrick Harlaut's movie at the High Fives Festival, which is definitely a skier centric festival. So yeah, basically I got to meet Henrick Harlaut, who is a total trip.
Blueman and I actually hitchhike home from the after party. A questionable move – but all's well that ends well.
We get matching tattoos, Cus you know, why not.
Craziest crowd during the movie. Hands down.
Chairs are being thrown by the time Halldór’s ender plays.
I have gotten three drinks poured on my head.
Slapping each other in the face is just a game we play now.
The most common questions asked on this trip:
How long is this flight?
Where is Blueman?
So uhh… Vodka Soda?
DJ BLUEMAN WON THE TOUR
This seems like an appropriate time to get to the blue elephant in the room, Ethan Morgan, A.K.A. DJ Blueman, or Blueman for short. Early in the tour, Ethan expressed to the crew that he wanted to dye his hair blue. A notion we all, of course, affirmed was a great idea. What none of us foresaw though, was that the second Ethan Morgan got his second round of bleaching in an upscale Monaco hair salon, he officially made the tour… his. It was DJ Blueman's world and we were all living in it.
He solidified this fact at his (first ever public) set in Monaco. You know when you make three baskets in a row in Sega's NBA Jam and the announcer yell's "He's on fire!!!" and then the basketball catches on fire and the player sprints around like a madman? That's essentially what happened to Ethan when he dyed his hair. He became unstoppable. A new man. Ethan Morgan was left in Sweden, and the tour was joined by BLUEMAN, a blue outfit dawning, vicious DJ revered for starting every. single. set. with "I'm blue" by Eiffel 65. He was a constant energy that kept the flame of the tour alive.
For reference, DJ Blueman DJ's on an Ipad program and an Aux cord. He needs wifi for the program to work. None of this stops him from being a DJ phenom.
Final Tour Note:
I actually think that hell (the place) is going through airport security hungover day after day in a foreign country that doesn't want you to get on a plane with your skateboard. I often times found myself thinking that If at the end of this life I find myself in the fiery underworld, at least I'll have some practice.
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