Last Saturday the streets of Portland came alive once again with snowboard shenanigans. However, instead of watching it on a movie screen, this time the audience was privy to some real live snowboarding. The Backyard Bang was put on by Portland-based Salomon Snowboards and the US Outdoor Store, and was a city-style rail jam complete with scaffolding and man-made snow.

The setup was located in the alley next to Mary’s Club (basically the classiest strip joint in America—the dancers have to put quarters in the on-stage jukebox in order to have music for their acts) and featured a down box and a down-flat-down, both of which must have been more difficult than they looked, as people were having some serious issues, especially in the beginning of the day. I say “beginning loosely, as the contest began a fashionable three hours behind schedule. But whatever—at least the rain had died down by the time things finally got underway. The jam consisted of a preliminary qualifier round where local kids competed for a chance to go head-to-head with the invited pros in the finals. I’m going to be completely honest here and say that I missed nearly the entirety of the qualifiers because I was huddling under a tent stuffing my face with Cobra Dogs. Don’t judge. Anyway, I got my act together and found a good watching place for the finals.

After a few tries, people seemed to figure out the setup. Nick Dirks front-boarded through both kinks on the down-flat-down and everyone went, “Ooooh, so I guess people were pretty into it. Lucas Magoon was combo-ing all over the place and looked like a dreidle in a tall-T. Some kid named Spencer was also doing really good, although I was paying way more attention to his 87 pieces of Technicolor flair than to the tricks he was doing. Let’s see, what else … oh yeah, Terje Haakonsen showed up to do some mean switch-back-lip to backside rodeo-offs on the down box. Desiree Melancon got in a fight with some kid because he was all, “Tight pants are so gay, and she was like, “Nuh uh, and he was all, “Uh huh, and then she frontboarded his face off. Jed Anderson checked himself out of third grade in order to enter the contest, and it’s a good thing because he ended up walking away with the $3,000 cash prize. Dirks and Lucas came in 2nd and 3rd, respectively. The girls who won first and second must have been doing some sort of invisibility sorcery because I don’t actually remember any of their runs, although they were apparently doing well. Their names are Carrie Galloway of Kansas City, and Kristin Seitz, who may or may not be from Tahoe. Seriously, the investigative journalism was at an all time high here.

So, I guess that’s about it. I suppose I should mention that the prizes for both guys and girls were $3,000 for first, $1,250 for second, and $750 for third. Also, I think there was something going on that benefited Boarding For Breast Cancer. Annnnd that’s a wrap!

Men

1.Jed Anderson
2.Nick Dirks
3.Lucas Magoon

Women

1.Carrie Galloway
2.Kristin Seitz
3.Colleen Quigley