The Northwest’s newest transplant celebrated his day of birth last week with a highly-publicized Super Sweet Sixteen surprise birthday party at Berbati’s Pan in Portland. Yep, Danny Kass turned the big one-six, which means that the little guy was a mere ten years old when he took the silver medal in the Salt Lake Olympics. Shaun White? Who the hell cares!? It’s all about Danny Kass—the youngest pro boarder in the history of the world. Ah, but I jest.

In case you haven’t heard, Grenade has fully relocated to the City of Roses, and the boys seem to be acclimatizing nicely. A healthy amount of flannel and facial hair filled the room as Retard Riot played an astonishing number of songs, and The Dingo enjoyed his relative newness to the world of legal alcohol consumption. Besides the regular Grenade crew, the party was graced with the likes of Corey Smith, Bobby Meeks, Zach Leach, the infamous Ahmon Stamps, and Shane Flood’s girlfriend—because in case you’re running low in the snowboard gossip area, Mr. Flood has a girlfriend now, as well as a new dog that’s not a Boxer. I know, weird. Anyway, After Retard Riot played for like five hours, Rock N Roll Soldiers came on and, well, rocked … aaaand I think that’s where everyone’s memory starts to get a little patchy. Oh, I seem to have forgotten to mention that there was an open bar to those on the guest list (a.k.a. everyone), and not one of those “6:00pm to 6:30pm open bars. This was a serious, fully-stocked, all-night-long open bar.

I can’t really speak for anyone but myself, but I’m almost positive that everyone in attendance was completely satisfied. Between the company, the entertainment, and the free booze, it was pretty hard not to have a good time. My only complaint is that Little John didn’t show up, but maybe next year…