Tiny, blue, and full of attitude the flame proclaimed a time when Hell would rule on Earth, and his image would sell thousands of snowboards.
“Those who have the youth have the future” he said.
“So come now, children of the beast. Be strong, and shout at the devil.”
From that moment on, Flameboy redefined the term “stiez”. With such catch phrases as, “Bee-yatch!”, “Oink-Oink!”, and “Dough-Nuts!”, it’s easy to see how he captured the hearts of police officers, middle school kids, and housewives alike. He spread like wildfire, and was embraced by all industry men bowing to the almighty dollar.
In the uncertain hours of dawn, on a special day, a member of Flameboy’s army of darkness blessed me. Circumstance gave me a look into the mind of a black knight, and now we can all find out if World Industries’ Kurt Wastell wears horns or a halo.
BM: Kurt, what’s up man?
KW: Not much. I’m just in the car.
BM: Sweet. Hey, I want to ask you some questions about you and World’s dark image. Is that cool?
BM: Did you sell your soul to ride for World Industries?
BM: Do you drink blood before big air contests?
BM: Is World Industries owned by Anton Levey?
BM: Is your favorite color black?
BM: Do you like the number six?
BM: Does the World team have a theme song?
BM: Who is the biggest bad ass on world?
KW: Marc Frank.
BM: Do you like Metal Church?
KW: I don’t know too much about it.
BM: It’s a band.
KW: Aahhhh. (Laughter) I’m straight up driving so jacked right now. Oh shit, I was just blowing it. I need to start paying attention.
BM: Careful, man.
BM: Does Montoya listen to satanic hip-hop?
KW: I think a little.
BM: Does Johnson still drink?
BM: Can Kramer still dunk?
KW: I hope so.
BM: Does Sluggo snowboard?
KW: I don’t know.
BM: Is Jordan Mormon?
BM: Is Thien the best handrail slider ever?
KW: For sure.
BM: Who is the best pro with no board sponsor at this moment?
KW: Uh…Shit…I don’t even know, dude.
BM: Who holds a higher rank in hell…Michael Myers from Halloween or Jason from Friday the 13th?
KW: Michael Myers.
BM: Does Satan really have sex with Saddam Hussein?
BM: Is Flameboy real?
KW: Only in kid’s minds.
BM: Does he tell you what to do sometimes?
KW: He tries.
BM: Pick between the label “tough guy” and “bad ass”.
KW: Tough guy.
BM: Do you have a nickname?
KW: I don’t now. Everyone just calls me Wastell…in the snow world.
BM: Have you ever had one?
BM: What’s the worst nickname you’ve ever had?
KW: Well my dad, he always called me… well, I don’t want to say that shit.
BM: Yeah you know you’re gonna get ruined if you do.
BM: Who is the best drinker you know?
KW: Sean Kearns.
BM: Who is the toughest tough guy you know?
KW: Marc Frank.
BM: Who is the coolest cool guy you know?
KW: Like cool guy in a bad way?
BM: No…just cool, whatever.
KW: Jay Nelson.
BM: Who has the most style in snowboarding?
KW: Marc Frank.
BM: Who has the coolest image in snowboarding?
KW: I think after that magazine…it’s probably Montyoa.
BM: What is the coolest gravity sport besides snowboarding?
BM: If you could be a rock star, an NFL MVP, an influential animal rights activists, an Olympic medallist, or a dime store alcoholic, what would you be?
KW: Dude, I don’t want to be a rock star…probably the last one.
BM: Do you vote?
KW: It’s been on my mind lately.
BM: Have you ever?
BM: Do you drink?
BM: Do you smoke?
BM: If drafted would you fight or run for the boarder?
KW: Run for the boarder.
BM: Have you ever been in love?
BM: Dream car?
KW: Audi RS4 wagon.
BM: One person who changed your life?
KW: Jeff Wastell.
BM: Favorite book?
KW: Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer.
BM: Favorite song?
BM: Do you have one?
BM: What bindings do you ride?
BM: Yeah dawg. Those are dope.
BM: If you had to pay your own way to go on a snowboarding vacation…where would you go?
KW: Probably Alaska or New Zealand.
BM: Multiple choice question…Who’s your daddy?
a. The Reverend Jesse Jackson
b. Macho Man Randy Savage
c. Mariah Carey
d. Marc Frank Montoya
KW: (laughter) Who’s your daddy? Oh shit…I guess…I’ll put Marc.
BM: For fifty points: a trivia question. Who was the greatest heavy metal guitar player of all time?
KW: Eddie Van Halen?
BM: No. That’s a great guess, but the wrong answer.
KW: The dude from Slayer?
BM: Randy Rhodes is the king.
BM: Who could win a bar fight, Pantera or Sepultura?
BM: Who could drink more…Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin?
BM: Any shout outs?
KW: Shout out to the world team.
BM: Party on Kurt. Good luck.