Beanies & Bikinis was put on by Sun Diego Boardshops, with the title sponsor being Monster Energy. The contest was invite only, winner take all, best-trick, 10,000 dollar purse. Snowboarding could be defined as the act of sliding down a snow-covered slope while standing on a snowboard. The event was held nowhere near anything snow, nor anything slope, in Mission Beach’s Belmont Park (San Diego). Mother Nature was trumped once again, as scaffolding was built, snow was manufactured, and everyone’s favorite setup was resurrected. If you’re new to the game, the setup is as follows—dropping in you get a single kink ledge to the right, a round staircase rail in the middle, and an up-ish down ledge with a donkey dick* on the end of it.

*A “donkey dick is the little nub at the end of whatever it is you’re sliding around on, just so you know.

Practice started around 4:00 p.m. The rider list was inked, chump bumps were sketchy, and dudes/dude-ettes were ready to stunt. Besides a weak opening weekend at Mammoth, I don’t think anyone had done much snowboarding, but they seemed oblivious to that fact as pre-comp mallets were thrown about with reckless abandon.

Keegan Valaika was killing it out of the gate, he’s from the real OC. I wonder if he knows LC? Max Weinberger was on his own program and hot garbaging the hell out of the rail. MFM cancelled his European vacation and showed up fashionably late. T9′s Chris Bradshaw was on fire, Jake Devine, John Jackson—everyone killed it. “When did this turn into the gnarliest rail jam ever?—Jessie White.

In the end it was winner take all, and Burton’s Yale Cousino’s bag of tricks was deep. His ender ender was either a back 270 to board on the bottom half of the kink ledge, or something else with a lot of 270′ing. Either way he 270′d all the way to the bank, ten grand richer and happier than a pig in mud.

The girls’ event was legit, and as far as I know, this is the first time a girl’s event has been held on this setup. I’m not going to lie though, I was nervous as hell watching. With nerves coming to a climax when Kayle Edwards flipped over the side of the kink ledge and scared the “Oh fuck! out of everyone. She walked away, big ups Kayle. All the girls showed up, but the clear winner was Desiree Melancon. She ditched school to make the event, and has a 2,000 dollar oversized check to prove it.

Not to be outdone by a drink, the evening sponsor, Rusty, presented the afterparty and bikini contest at the neighboring Wavehouse. If you’ve never been there, it’s like Rosarito, Mexico but less sketchy, with a standing wave in place of the mechanical bull. After about an hour of “R&R in the parking lot, it was on to said establishment. DC screened the MTN.LAB movie, laughs were had, and then it was on—the bikini-off. They say a picture is worth a thousand words so, I’ll let you finish this up in the slideshow—there’s about 18,000 dirty words in there to digest.

“Some white dudes where rapping, and U God was somewhere. The cops were all crazy, no minors got in … then I blacked out and woke up at the Catamaran.—Bitter Will on the rest of the night.