By Someone Funny
Snowboard Park Quiz
1. The best park riders can be found:
a. in the lodge.
b. in the park, on sunny days only.
c. playing video games.
d. in Alaska.
2. The appropriate park-riding attire (even in the dead of winter) is:
a. a baseball cap.
b. anything camo.
c. a pair of mirror-lensed goggles (don’t actually wear them, just twist them to the side of your head “G” style.)
d. Independent T-shirt or hat.
e. a yellow and blue or yellow and black jacket, if you wear one at all.
f. all of the above.
3. When waiting in the lift line to get to the park, you:
a. talk shit to the “posers” wearing last year’s lame gear.
b. describe to your bro how you weren’t really satisfied with your last backside rodeo 720 method-making sure every good-looking chick can hear.
c. scope the lines for any possible area reps to ride up with.
d. all of the above.
4. You never enter a park without a:
a. posse of bros.
b. mini-disc player with headphones.
c. photographer and/or cinematographer.
e. all of the above.
5. It is your turn to hit the jump next, because:
a. you are bigger and can kick everyone else’s ass.
b. you hollered, “Dropping!” therefore you got dibs.
c. your friend is sponsored, he’s got the freshest gear, so obviously he is the dopest rider, and told you to go.
d. you’ve got the freshest gear on, so you are obviously the dopest rider, and the dopiest rider always gets to go first.
6. If there happens to be a gap (with a crowd) that looks like it might be a little bit above your ability, the best thing to do is:
a. just charge it, ’cause hey man, you’ve been riding for two days now.
b. bomb the runway for the jump and then right before the jump speed-check, speed-check a little more, really dig in that edge, and slow down to the point that you don’t even reach the lip.
c. hit the jump, and huck a rodeo with every intention of clearing the gap. If you ride away, you claim it, and if you don’t, you sue the resort.
d. pretend to be contemplating your approach, and let others go ahead of you, then when no one is in sight you speed right past it.
7. If you happen to crash you:
a. look around to see if anyone saw.
b. fiddle with your new bindings, pretending they’re the reason that you wrecked.
c. ride away pretending that landing face-first on ice really doesn’t hurt that bad.
d. tell the hottie watching, “Hey, it was switch.”
e. combination of a, b, and d.
8. The backside of a jump is the best place to:
b. lie down and stare at the clouds.
c. stop and have a smoke.
d. dig a snow-cave.
9. When a skier is spotted in the park, you:
a. pelt him with snowballs.
b. beat him senseless with his poles after he double-ejects on the jump below you.
c. key his car at the end of the day.
d. drop the tired reverse-prejudice crap and give the little Mosely wannabe a break.
e. a then d.
10. At the end of the day in the park, you consider yourself:
a. the best.
b. darn close.
c. close enough to be sponsored.
d. ready to get a camera and take pictures of the best.
If any “pros” ride by in the park you:
a. flip them off.
b. cut them off.
c. wait until they ride out of shouting distance, then shout out how tight you two are, e.g., “You my boy” or “Just like I taught you.”
d. after they hit the jump for first time, you one-up them, then tell everybody that they don’t deserve to be pro.
There are no easy answers, grasshopper, you must shred them out for yourself.