My boyfriend and I were talking last night about why Wonder Woman is cool. Of course, I think it’s because she’s a strong woman who kicks ass fighting bad guys. My boyfriend simply said, “It’s because she has big tits.”
Sometimes I hate to admit he’s right. Then again I wonder why he’s right.
Every year I find my way to the Sin City for the annual bro’ down trade show where a smorgasbord of product is sold by being dressed up with a lot of bare ass and promises. Naked chicks are an undeniably intricate part of snowboarding. If you’ve been to any store or opened a mag you’ve seen it–nasty girls in full page ads sucking on John Holmes size bananas or base graphics with cartoons of Zena-type warrior women with bowling ball breasts. It’s everywhere in snowboarding.
Yeah, I know this is a sexually charged sport filled with purple-haired testosterone pumped peons, but does that have to mean every third snowboard needs a naked chick to move product from the shelf. Perhaps if this is the only thing that can sell the board, then it shouldn’t be out there in the first place.
Let’s get real about everything here. What does a naked chick do for anyone? Does it help the board soar off cliffs better? Is it cool to show to your friends? Are you more ‘core if your snowboard is sporting tits? What does your girlfriend, mother, or sister think about it? Does it encourage her to snowboard?
I have one thing to say about it all–get over it.
For way too many years now I’ve watched and participated in the evolution of a sport that has gone from a piece of plywood to fluorescent pink and green, to retro, to ho’bag graphics. For about a minute owning a snowboard with a naked chick on it was punk. Now it just signifies that you bought a board that couldn’t be sold unless it sent two quarts of blood surging to your penis.
You would think in a sport that is definitely over 20 percent female, companies would get wise and tone down the crap they’re putting on boards. But they don’t.
There are over 300 snowboard companies currently in the industry. Many of those will probably dry up and disappear in the next year. Of the twenty five that survive, I doubt any of them will be sporting go-go chicks in the future. Let’s face it, naked chicks are passe, and those companies that are still relying on them to sell snowboards in the 90s are just grasping at a quickly shrinking piece of pie.
Maybe my boyfriend is right in saying that sex sells and men have always worshipped the female physique, so there is no changing it. However, it can’t hurt to try. Go ahead and impress your girlie by being big enough to say no to the ho’ show. Then next time when you’re riding and she comments on how awesome it is to be a part of a sport that is so supportive of women, you can smile at the fact that you are a part of the future movement of snowboarding.