Kale is a straight-up mutant-the guy goes huge. It’s arguable whether anyone could go toe-to-toe with his super-sized backcountry hucks. But I’ll tell you this: nobody can stomach the career-ending crashes he absorbs on the regular. Unbreakable? Hardly. While whiplash seems unbelievable as this daredevil’s worst riding injury to date-stranger still are the circumstances of how Kale gets owned.
How you doin’?
But you just had a gnarly accident.
Yep, I took my nose off basically-and bit through my tongue.
That’s nasty dude-you weren’t even snowboarding?
No, I was just loading the sled in back of my truck with a sketchy aluminum ramp at a friend’s. I set it on the bumper, and when my sled skis hit it, they pushed the bottom of the ramp forward and it slipped under the truck. The top of the ramp flipped back as the bumper acted as a lever, and took my nose off from the top down. It happened so quick, and it was just hanging there by my upper lip.
Damn! I’m sorry to hear that.
Yeah (laughter), my nose is back on now, though-the swelling won’t go down for a couple months.
They just stuck it back on?
Yep, The Whistler hospital cleaned me out and put a few stitches to hold things in place. Then a plastic surgeon reattached everything from the inside out and realigned my nasal passages. He sewed me all back up, and I’m fine.
It took off the cartilage?
Oh, totally-right through everything. We’ve got wicked pictures, crazy photos, like, ridiculous shots of my nose hanging off my face.
You cut off your tongue as well.
My two front teeth bit about three quarters of an inch off, but it was still connected at the corners. The tongue is still really swollen, but at first my whole face was huge-my eyes were swollen shut. You know when the whites of your eyes go bloody?
Did you pass out?
I wasn’t that bad, but my buddy puked a few times.
For a tragedy, you recovered awful quick.
Definitely. Only two weeks and it’s all healed back on-the stitches have been out for seven days already. I had perfect blood flow from my lip, so the tissue didn’t go into shock or anything. I’m f-kin’ fine-I went sledding yesterday.
I guess you took out Devun’s missing fronts.
Yeah (laughter). I’m just lucky it didn’t hit me in the eyes, split my head open, or take my jaw off. Really, this was the best possible scenario for what could have happened.
That sledneck shit is dangerous
But I was just loading the sled, man.
Over it-I’m sick enough. Break down the Shithawks.
Our f-kin’ snowmobile gang? We all put upside-down crosses on our windshields and wrote Shithawks on ‘em. It’s Browner, Devun, Kearns, Dano, Dionne, and Dufficy.
That’s a pretty hard crew.
Oh yeah, we’ll roll up and siphon all your gas, steal your belt-then high mark your kicker’s landing (laughter).