Tiny Type 13#5

13#5 Tiny Type

We did it all for the nookie. What? The nookie. What? So you can take the cookie and shove it up your … as you already know you are reading another version of Tiny Type. So put in some crappy rock from Limp Bizkit or Kid Rock, and metamorphose into a lifeless piece of nothingness as you read the following sentences.

While you were roasting weenies and making s’mores this summer, South America was going off with the likes of Megan Pischke, Nate Cole, Tom Burt, Andy Hetzel, Risto Scott, and about a million other professional snowboarders. Burton had their team photo shoot in both Argentina and Chile, but between the disco and the Pisco, who knows how many photos actually got shot. Ballentine’s sponsored a contest in Las Leñas that attracted pros from all over the world. There was hardly any snow at the resort, which caused everyone to hit the bottle instead of the sack to get a good night sleep. The dance floors of Las Leñas were no match for Ralph Lauren poster boy Andy Hetzel’s dance skills and one eyewitness report had him getting down to Will Smith’s “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It” on a completely empty dance floor. He was also overheard telling a certain TransWorld editor that if any of his antics showed up in Tiny Type, he was gonna kick said-editor’s ass. Go get ’em, Hetz. Hetzel went home early from the disco to go on to win the boardercross the next day. I guess passing out in between heats helped him get the edge over the other pickle-brained participants. Tina Dixon was the only female soft-booter to make it to the finals and ended up getting third place.

Sean Johnson and Jimmy Halopoff are teaming up to make a movie, but don’t go running for cover. You see, there is gonna be no footage of Jimmy beating the living daylights out of white trash or of Boozy the Clown riding his motorcycle through your neighborhood supermarket. Torque Mountain Bike Video Magazine’s first issue will showcase mountain-bike hero and one-time snowboard freestyler Shaun Palmer, as well as many highly talented and mentally unstable riders. Speaking of brawlers–shot callers. The Green Cowboy, a.k.a. Ian Ruhter, has retired from being a barback at Caesar’s Tahoe and is back on the snow. However, this time instead of having to beat the crap out of Ranquet for a little respect, he’s showing the world his artistic and creative side by shooting pics. Keep an eye out for more photos from the Cowboy in up-and-coming issues.

Sean Farmer is bitter as hell, applying asphalt sealant to driveways. Apparently, he’s been approached by several companies to be on their team, but he’s been holding out for more cash. If any company would like to hire the Fizz, call him up–just don’t offer him no chump change. In more North Lake Tahoe snowboarder news, Rocket Reeves is building houses and staying clear of the midsummer blizzards that are affecting much of the snowboard world. Are any pro snowboarders not moving to Tahoe this winter? Census reports have pros vacating Colorado, Utah, Oregon, and back east at an alarming rate. Look for tons of extra powder lines at resorts in those states and don’t bother going to North Lake Tahoe. Maybe this influx of pros will finally seal the deal with officially changing the name of Tahoe to “Jackass Land.”

Santa Cruz team rider and pit bull Darrin Cingel will finally be allowed to return to the States from Alberta, Cananda this November. He was kicked out for an entire year so U.S. citizens could build up their leg muscles and have a chance to try to stomp half the shit he does. He’ll be back livingn Tahoe this winter, so if you see him, say what’s up. In more Santa Cruz team member news, Gian Simmens, a.k.a. the guy who won the gold in the halfpipe at Nagano, really can snowboard and just bought his third set of tires for his Audi A4 in a single year. I guess he’s been hauling ass around the curvy roads in the Swiss Alps near his home in Arosa. Maybe he should be spending his free time in a more productive manner: for example, learning how to mack chicks. In even more team news, team rider Shawn Sterkin has signed on as the new TSG safety gear team manager.

The ASR trade show in San Diego was anything but exciting. Sure there were the usual Black Fly girls with lots of silicone spread throughout their bodies, teenage swimsuit models, and more industry idiots than you could shake a stick at, but the whole thing was just lame. Movie premieres and their after parties had to be the show’s highlight. Mack Dawg, Kingpin, and Standard all put together some interesting flicks. Opinions are mixed when it comes down to which one is best, so I guess you’ll have to see them all yourself and make up your own mind. TransWorld has just released their first video mag of the year. This Year’s Model features footage of Jim Rippey, Tom Burt, Brian Savard, Sean Johnson, Jimmy Halopoff, Andrew Crawford, Jussi Oksanen, Tom Gilles, and many others. Team videos are blowing up this season: K2, Burton, Northface, Volcom, Rossignol, and Mervin all have ’em.

What’s up with the Forum team and why are they rocking hairless sacks? Is it some stunt conceived by Director of Media and Promotions and shameless self-promoter T. Wood? Will all the Snow Summit locals be wearing them this winter? Or is it merely a precautionary measure to ward off crustacean-like critters. In hopes of getting paid, Nate Bozung shaved his satchel (sort of precious, made of leather) and is still wondering when and if the hair will ever come back.

Can you hit the lip harder than Occy and go bigger than Terje? Do you ever dream about surfing one day and then snowboarding the next. If you’re the type of person who catches themselves throwing shakas in the liftline, then have we got a contest for you. The H2O Winter Classic is a surf/snow event that has brought together top surfing and snowboarding professionals, amateurs, and industry leaders for the past eight years. The event will be held February 11—13. The surfing will take place at the Huntington Beach Pier in Huntington Beach, California, and the snowboarding will take place at Mountain High Resort in Wrightwood, California. For more info contact Vipe Desai at (714) 431-0513.

Whitey is finding out the hard way that driving with a suspended license for seven years is a big no-no. A 30-day sentence should drive that notion even deeper into his brain. Don’t worry though, he plans to submit articles from his cell and might get released early as long as he doesn’t shank another inmate or start a prison riot. We wish him a safe incarceration and return, and uh, Whitey, try not to drop the soap.

While down here at the TWS office for our open house Travis Parker was violated. Not by the staff, but by a car thief. Travis was chowing down on ribs and coleslaw with us when he got the awful news. Apparently, he’d been joking about how he wished someone would steal his ’85 Volkswagen Golf out of his driveway in Salt Lake City, Utah. However, Travis forgot to take out all the momentos he’d left in the car, which consisted of Christmas, ornaments from his childhood that his mom had given him a few days prior. Although this happened months before December 25, this car thief was definitely the grinch who stole Christmas, ornaments that is. Travis would like to take a moment to give car thieves a piece of his mind, “You’re all a bunch of dickheads.” TWS wishes swift justice for this unspeakable crime.

Okemo Mountain Resort, located in lovely Ludlow, Vermont, has just spent four-million dollars on improvements to their mountain. Wonder if that was enough to make the mountain steep?

In computernerd news, SnowSports Industries America (SIA) has a new site, www.snowlink.com, “designed to meet the needs of anyone searching for information on learning programs, equipment, safety, industry trends, and resorts. SnowLink is the link to winter sports.” Rossignol is going full bore with their site and it’s packed with tons of info, pictures of their team, as well as specs on all their gear. The site also features “Trick Tips” and “Road Trips,” which let the riders communicate directly with the viewers of rossignolsnowboards.com. Palmer Snowboards is the latest company to jump online. Their site includes a listing of all the PalmerX Parks, BoarderCross tour listings, and camps. You can even find out the international sites that Shaun himself likes to surf. Wow! Visit the site at PalmerUSA.com. Four Star Distribution has a new site up and running. Fourstardist.com features everything you’d ever want to know about their products, as well as links to the Forum, Special Blend, and Four Square sites. ResortQuest.com is an online vacation-rental resource that offers travelers instant access to thousands of properties. So when you get tired of virtual surfing, you can do some real-life snow surfing without having to stay at your buddies and do some couch surfing.

Drop gloves has just got its greedy little mitts on Dionne Delesalle. Clive has announced the addition of Todd “The Rod” Richards to their team, which consists of professional surfer Joel Tudor and, uh, Todd. Todd will be representing Clive and its variety of backpacks, shoulder bags, travel bags, and accessories. Elan snowboards has added Mike Basich to their pro team. Basich joins Jason Evans, Dylan Farr, Timo Aho, Kim Christiansen, and Aleksi Vaninen. Ride snowboards has just signed European Arild Brun Kjeldaas. DC boots is now flowing Scotty Whitlake and Micah McGinnity boots. Is a step-in in the future for this company and if it is, will they finally make step-ins cool? “Type A is back in business, I think,” says Jeff Pettit. When asked if he was gonna get paid, he laughed. I guess not.

Bobby Meeks was in Japan for six weeks getting his Speedo on and diving off an 80-foot platform into nine-and-a-half feet of water. Apart from the banana hammock, this whole diving thing seems similar to the tricks snowboarders are doing right now.

Speaking of tricks, what the hell is your trick-ass doing reading this magazine right now? It’s wintertime! Get your butt up off the couch and do something! Well, I guess that’s it. Until next time.

ornaments that is. Travis would like to take a moment to give car thieves a piece of his mind, “You’re all a bunch of dickheads.” TWS wishes swift justice for this unspeakable crime.

Okemo Mountain Resort, located in lovely Ludlow, Vermont, has just spent four-million dollars on improvements to their mountain. Wonder if that was enough to make the mountain steep?

In computernerd news, SnowSports Industries America (SIA) has a new site, www.snowlink.com, “designed to meet the needs of anyone searching for information on learning programs, equipment, safety, industry trends, and resorts. SnowLink is the link to winter sports.” Rossignol is going full bore with their site and it’s packed with tons of info, pictures of their team, as well as specs on all their gear. The site also features “Trick Tips” and “Road Trips,” which let the riders communicate directly with the viewers of rossignolsnowboards.com. Palmer Snowboards is the latest company to jump online. Their site includes a listing of all the PalmerX Parks, BoarderCross tour listings, and camps. You can even find out the international sites that Shaun himself likes to surf. Wow! Visit the site at PalmerUSA.com. Four Star Distribution has a new site up and running. Fourstardist.com features everything you’d ever want to know about their products, as well as links to the Forum, Special Blend, and Four Square sites. ResortQuest.com is an online vacation-rental resource that offers travelers instant access to thousands of properties. So when you get tired of virtual surfing, you can do some real-life snow surfing without having to stay at your buddies and do some couch surfing.

Drop gloves has just got its greedy little mitts on Dionne Delesalle. Clive has announced the addition of Todd “The Rod” Richards to their team, which consists of professional surfer Joel Tudor and, uh, Todd. Todd will be representing Clive and its variety of backpacks, shoulder bags, travel bags, and accessories. Elan snowboards has added Mike Basich to their pro team. Basich joins Jason Evans, Dylan Farr, Timo Aho, Kim Christiansen, and Aleksi Vaninen. Ride snowboards has just signed European Arild Brun Kjeldaas. DC boots is now flowing Scotty Whitlake and Micah McGinnity boots. Is a step-in in the future for this company and if it is, will they finally make step-ins cool? “Type A is back in business, I think,” says Jeff Pettit. When asked if he was gonna get paid, he laughed. I guess not.

Bobby Meeks was in Japan for six weeks getting his Speedo on and diving off an 80-foot platform into nine-and-a-half feet of water. Apart from the banana hammock, this whole diving thing seems similar to the tricks snowboarders are doing right now.

Speaking of tricks, what the hell is your trick-ass doing reading this magazine right now? It’s wintertime! Get your butt up off the couch and do something! Well, I guess that’s it. Until next time.