Board testing is hard work¿especially by day five or six. And needless to say, not every ride is a kick in the pants. Yes, there were plenty of dogs in the house, and in addition to the flowery reviews of the Top 25, we wanted to share some of the feedback that won’t appear in any company’s catalog or press release.

Below are just a few testers’ comments that represent that “not-a-chance-in-hell” slice of the snowboard-test pie. For the boards that actually made the Top 25 check out page 72 of Snowboard Life’s November issue.

o “Better used as firewood.”
o “It’s a plank¿the submarine.”
o “A two-by-four turns better.”
o “I would use this board for shelving.”
o “Just piss poor.”
o “You know, everyone thinks this board sucks.”
o “Dog poo.”
o “Too much epoxy in the factory? Something is really wrong.”
o “Warranty. I want my money back!”
o “Ooof! Umph! Aargh! No matter what the name of this board is, it should be preceded by U.S.S.”
o “Rigid and frigid.”