From the time I wake up someone’s pressuring me. “Get up,” they say as they shake me so violently my neck becomes sore. I hear, “What are you doing in there?” while I’m spending some “private” time in bathroom. Someone will yell, “Turn off the damn TV and get suited up!” as I’m stretching to MTV Jams. “Let’s stop for food,” is one of my favorite suggestions, ’til everyone gets cross and stares as I finish my Farmers Scramble.

At last we arrive at the resort, the car ride filled with jokes about how slow I am finally ends. I prefer to put my boots on in the lodge. Again, my friends get angry; of course, I want to enjoy a coffee as I’m lacing up my boots. Everyone has an opinion of which run we should ride first. Being a natural born leader, the burden of decision usually falls into my hands–coupled with the fact that I won’t listen to other’s opinions. (P.S. Powder always prevails over the park.) After a couple of runs, I’ll need to stop to use the restroom; coffee after a big meal has that affect on me. Once again, my pals don’t understand my restroom needs and complain as we head back to the lodge.

When we return to the slopes, I might want to do a couple of groomed runs. Kids today just don’t appreciate the joy of carving and I’ll hear about it on every chair ride up. Speaking of carving, a couple of leg burners and I’m ready for lunch. I guess my friends don’t ride as hard, because they all start in on how we ate three hours earlier. They cry all the way back to the lodge. It isn’t a good idea to exercise right after eating, so I like to digest while playing a little pinball or Cruisin’ USA. Why don’t my friends understand the dangers of cramping up? I’m only trying to help them, but still they get mad.

Back on the slope for the last couple of hours and everyone’s happy. Lifts close, and it’s time to unwind it the lodge. I thought it was done, but they start up again with, “Great, have another.” “Can’t you drink at home?” “You’re keeping the bartender here.” “Maybe we should just stay another hour, the sun will rise, and we’ll get first tracks.” This type of verbal abuse continues to the car, in the car ride home, and at the 7-Eleven where I make them stop for a mellow sixer.

I’m confused, I always thought snowboarding with your friends was supposed to be relaxing.–Dave Lagniewski