Letters 13#5

A big shout out goes out to everyone who sent us a letter this month. If your letter didn’t get printed, it probably was snatched up by those mean individuals, The Angry Interns¿. Board Dokter and Drop gloves are hooking Colbee up with an outfit for her little ditty about parks and Zac from Lancaster is getting an outfit from Airwalk and a pair of Drop gloves for stepping up to the plate and challenging the vast wrestling knowledge Mr. David Sypniewski has acquired in his brief, yet action-packed, life.

A Rhyme For Winter Time

This is a little rhyme/song that I wrote about riding in the park; it’s titled “A Stroll Through The Park.”

Feelin’ the flow/ I got to go/ down the hill/ I took a shwill/ of the love potion/ created by the motion/ of my snowboard/ I’ve got to afford/ to break free of illusions/ caused by confusion/ those questions of/ am I good enough/ am I really that tough/ to get into the air/ I know that you don’t care/ if I do a 360/ or pull a switch misty/ but within I’m breakin’ barriers/ caused by the inferior/ those thoughts of fear/ when the tabletop is near/ not knowing if I can achieve/ but once I’m in the air I’m relieved/ and united with the One/ at the end of the run/ it may sound odd/ but I’m closer to God/ it’s my meditation/ complete transmutations/ are taking place/ as we evolve through space/ with each turn and rotation/ I feel the sensation/ like a youth fountain/ every time I hit the mountain/ winning all the bets/ with every goal I set/ not just physically empowering/ for within I’m flowering/ becoming more clear/ by releasing the fear/ brought to me by the dark force/ I release it to divine source/ because I know what’s true/ I know what to do/ when I get to the hit/ I take a moment to sit/ I contemplate the divine/ I’m feelin’ fine/ as I travel through time/ blowing peoples minds/ into new realities/ beyond average mentalities/ breaking through the fakeness/ because I can’t take this/ and I gotta make this/ a little bit more real/ by telling you how I really feel/ and from you I expect the same/ I can’t play your petty game/ ego trips/ read my lips/ it’s not my deal/ I keep it real.

So that’s it. I’m off to learn to surf in Hawai’i. Let me know what you think of my rhyme.

Colbee

Via the Internet

Damn, girlfriend, Lauryn Hill better watch out, ’cause you got skills.

Wrestling with the Truth

I’m fourteen years old and have been riding for three years. Your magazine is super rad, so don’t think I’m trying to be a jerk. However, the last caption of the Andrew Crawford interview, which was funny as hell, you guys said the “Super Fly Snuka was famous for jumping off the top rope,” when in fact, he was made famous by jumping off the top of a steel cage. I watch too much wrestling.

Zac “Cactus Jack” Schlesinger

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

James Reiher, a.k.a. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka was born on May 18, 1945. He is six-foot even, and at his peak, he weighed around 250 pounds. I believe I saw Jimmy’s “Cage Match” (versus Bob Backlund) back in June of 1982. I was only ten years old then, but I don’t remember ever seeing Jimmy in a “steel cage” before that. My favorite Superfly match took place in 1984, when Jimmy took on Rowdy Roddy Piper–a match that took place a year before you were born. You might remember, when you were seven Jimmy won the ECW Heavyweight Belt by beating Wildman Bellemo, and the title matches that followed.

Jimmy’s signature moves were the Flying Press and the Flying Headbutt, moves that he would initiate from the top turnbuckle or wherever else, would give him the most for his move (e.g. “top of a steel cage”).

–David “Wrestling Used To Be Cool” Sypniewski

Gator Girl

I’ve got a little problem that makes me sound superficial, but here goes: I’m not a bad-looking chick (well, grandma always says I’m a “beauty”), but my skin gets super-shitty in wind and cold. Yeah–snowboarding conditions. I just went to camp at Hood, and my left cheek is all zitty-looking. And my chin. Okay–my right cheek, too. The same thing happened all last winter, only after going snowboarding! I can’t believe I’m thinking about giving it up–but if snowboarding turned your ass into Mrs. Frankenstein, what the hell would you do?

And yeah. I’ve been to the doc. He says, “Cold weather makes you break out? Stay out of the cold.”

Any advice? Words of wisdom? Or maybe a little fib that assures me acne is super foxy?

Roberta Allsop

Seattle, Washington

I called up Christy Turlington for some beauty tips, and she totally knows how you feel: “This one time, I had a date with this super hot guy, and I like got this big zit right on my chin, and I was like, ‘Oh my god! What should I do?’ So I like called up like my best friend, and she said, ‘Like just go in your garage, and like get some 400-grit sandpaper and start sanding away.’ It totally worked–and if you sand too much off, no prob, cover-up will take care of it!” Oh my god, Christy, like that totally helps.

 

Hella Sick Of Hella

This letter is not of the general theme of whining to better my own pathetic existence but rather, whining to better the lives of all those who snowboard. I was recently at Mt. Hood, Oregon and had one of the best times of my life. While enjoying my stay there I came across a handful of kids from Northern California who had the repetitive and very annoying habit of using the word “hella.” I, too, speak the language of snowboarding, but found this word particularly dumb. What is this “hella” crap? The word “hella” sounds so dumb; it’s like me saying the word “bitcho” every five seconds. So at this point in time I would like to proclaim the word hella to have its long awaited downfall and to instate the word “bitcho” in its place. Thanks for your time.

Phillip Payson

ppayson@javanet.com

Phil, you’re hella right. “Bitcho” is a hella dope new word to be used in the place of hella. Let me try this hella rad new word out in a sentence and see if it works in place of the hella played out word hella. I bitcho want to ask this bitcho hot-ass girl out on a date. Gosh Josh, I don’t think it has quite the same impact the word hella has. Hella thanks for the letter.

 

Fashion or Function

I’m just writing to remind everyone snowboarding is the best. But there is one problem with it and that is all these stupid people wearing lame helmets. First things first–skiers wear helmets. I’m sick of seeing all these boarders with helmets on who can’t do a damn thing. If you’re gonna ride, at least do it without all the lame protective gear, which makes you look stupid.

Mike Rogerson

Eyemouth, Massachusetts

Mike, you have got to be the smartest individual ever. Crashing without a helmet obviously hasn’t affected your intelligence one bit.

Big Man With A Short Stick

Last year my mom was always complaining about how much time I spent watching snowboard videos, and I should shut them off and go read something. So, I conned her into getting me a subscription to your mag, and I picked up a free beanie hat in the process, which by the way was quite a good deal. Ever since then I have been reading each issue ten to twenty times–this usually results in long toilet sessions where my younger siblings are pounding on the door, screaming for me to get out.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing you this letter is because I have a little problem. I’m a freerider whose home is the steep and deep powder of Mt. Baker, Washington. The thing is, I’m 6’4″ and my board is the right size for my miniature schnauzer. As you can imagine, I have a real tough time staying in control because my board is the size of my little brother’s fingerboard and my toes hang way off the edge. This resulted in my friends yelling things like, “Timber!” or “Lookout, falling tree” every time I take a spill. I usually respond by giving them the finger, which makes me look twice as stupid because I wear mitts. My parents bought me the board last year, it was all they could afford, because I’m too busy going to school and playing sports to have a job. Do you have any advice on how I can control this tiny board or do you know of any tall dudes who are ruling it this year–let me know.

Elijah R. Tadema

Glacier, Washington

(P.S Your mag kicks, and I think you guys do a really good job responding to some seriously lame letters. Keep it up.)

Don’t give up hope, you still may have a chance at getting a decent board. Stop by your local snowboard shop and see if they’ll let you trade your tiny board for one of their used 170s or 175s. Small boards are in a higher demand than longer boards, so they should be into it. If they act apprehensive, spice up the deal a little by offering some cash on top of the trade. You can also look for the hidden Nitro logo in this issue and enter the contest. As for tall riders who rule, Kalei Pitcher is almost as tall as Shaq and is a sick backcountry rider. See Volume 13 Number 4 page 226 for a column Kalei wrote.

Die Preppie Scum

Snowboarding’s going down, it has been taken over by MTV and huge corporations. Companies like American Eagle and Ambercrombie and Fitch are all starting to buy into the snowboarding craze. Tommy Hilfiger has expanded his empire into shirts that advertise snowboarding and skateboarding. Upon my last trip to the ski resort I saw some preps from my school all taking lessons and falling on their asses.

Alex

Batavia, Illinois

SKAlex461@aol.com

There’s nothing wrong with huge fashion companies getting involved with snowboarding. We wear Armani suits to the office every day and we’re about as ’core as you can get.

Letters (which often are edited for clarity and space) should be sent in addressed: Letter To The Editor, TransWorld SNOWboarding. By old school mail: 353 Airport Rd., Oceanside, CA 92054. By FAX: (760) 722-0653. By electronic mail: snowletters@twsnet.com. Those of you who aren’t stuck in the stone age and have access to the World Wide Web can post cyber-letters on transworldsnowboarding.com.

ocess, which by the way was quite a good deal. Ever since then I have been reading each issue ten to twenty times–this usually results in long toilet sessions where my younger siblings are pounding on the door, screaming for me to get out.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing you this letter is because I have a little problem. I’m a freerider whose home is the steep and deep powder of Mt. Baker, Washington. The thing is, I’m 6’4″ and my board is the right size for my miniature schnauzer. As you can imagine, I have a real tough time staying in control because my board is the size of my little brother’s fingerboard and my toes hang way off the edge. This resulted in my friends yelling things like, “Timber!” or “Lookout, falling tree” every time I take a spill. I usually respond by giving them the finger, which makes me look twice as stupid because I wear mitts. My parents bought me the board last year, it was all they could afford, because I’m too busy going to school and playing sports to have a job. Do you have any advice on how I can control this tiny board or do you know of any tall dudes who are ruling it this year–let me know.

Elijah R. Tadema

Glacier, Washington

(P.S Your mag kicks, and I think you guys do a really good job responding to some seriously lame letters. Keep it up.)

Don’t give up hope, you still may have a chance at getting a decent board. Stop by your local snowboard shop and see if they’ll let you trade your tiny board for one of their used 170s or 175s. Small boards are in a higher demand than longer boards, so they should be into it. If they act apprehensive, spice up the deal a little by offering some cash on top of the trade. You can also look for the hidden Nitro logo in this issue and enter the contest. As for tall riders who rule, Kalei Pitcher is almost as tall as Shaq and is a sick backcountry rider. See Volume 13 Number 4 page 226 for a column Kalei wrote.

Die Preppie Scum

Snowboarding’s going down, it has been taken over by MTV and huge corporations. Companies like American Eagle and Ambercrombie and Fitch are all starting to buy into the snowboarding craze. Tommy Hilfiger has expanded his empire into shirts that advertise snowboarding and skateboarding. Upon my last trip to the ski resort I saw some preps from my school all taking lessons and falling on their asses.

Alex

Batavia, Illinois

SKAlex461@aol.com

There’s nothing wrong with huge fashion companies getting involved with snowboarding. We wear Armani suits to the office every day and we’re about as ’core as you can get.

Letters (which often are edited for clarity and space) should be sent in addressed: Letter To The Editor, TransWorld SNOWboarding. By old school mail: 353 Airport Rd., Oceanside, CA 92054. By FAX: (760) 722-0653. By electronic mail: snowletters@twsnet.com. Those of you who aren’t stuck in the stone age and have access to the World Wide Web can post cyber-letters on transworldsnowboarding.com.