Letters 12 #3

Last year someone sent us a picture of a dog biting its tail with a letter saying, “My dog, Bentley, can do inverted tail grabs.” An original letter submission is a rare pleasure here at TWS, so the picture was passed merrily around the office until eventually it disappeared. Saddened that we couldn’t repay the person for the joy his photo/letter gave us with at least a T-shirt or something, we ran a little plea in Tiny Type for the owner of the picture to get in contact with us. Like a needle in a haystack, we figured, what are the odds the person would actually see it? Just recently we got this letter:

I read in your Yellow Sno column in the February 1998 issue about how you lost my photo of the dog grabbing his tail. I’m sending another photo that you can print if you would like to. The dog’s name really is Bentley, and he can do inverted tail grabs.

David Zenter

Minocqua, Wisconsin

We’re pretty stoked on David. He gets a brand-new Rossignol snowboard. Wanna try? We’ve got more rides to give away …

Oh Really?

After being asked to view your Web page by an online friend of mine, I was amused by the responses that your rather pleasant (and I do use the term loosely) readers (ditto) wrote. It occurred to me that the target audience of this magazine seems to be a few uneducated n’er-do-wells who would rather snowboard than read. And yet read they do. But with these readings they seem to have some discourse to send their own personal feelings concerning your writing method.

Have you ever thought of changing your target audience? Of course, how many Ph.D. holders do you see hitting the slopes with a snowboard in hand? I do wish you the best of luck in receiving at least one or two polite letters.

Joshua S. Benton

via Internet

Dam those edu … edukhated folk an there dam fancy dicshunarys. What the hell’s he talkin’ ’bout? Too bad he didn’t leave no e-mail address for us to write him back and find out.

Bij-Knob

So check it out. One bright and sunny day at our local hill, me and

my friend Luke were snowboarding. It was a perfect spring day-the snow

all slushy and the kickers all kicky. At the end of the day it’s customary to ride down a wooden set of stairs by the lodge-a poor man’s jib, if you will. I went first and made it with only a couple of glares from the lift attendants. Luke went, lost his balance and fell. He hit one pair of skis and started a domino effect on skis leaned against the lodge that knocked about a hundred pairs of skis over. People started applauding and screaming-it was the funniest thing I ever saw. The next season there was a sign that said, “please do not lean skis against lodge.” The moral of the story is, don’t jib a jib that’s not jibable.

Trevor Dopp

Newcastle, Wyoming

It Was Just A Letter

I am a hardcore freeriding skier, and I read all the ski mags. But today I picked up your mag because it was the only one on the shelf with snow on the cover, and I desperately needed to see some pics of people hucking themselves into the stratosphere. So I was reading the letters section and some bratty, spoiled twelve year old wrote in to bitch about skiers in pipes and parks. Obviously that little shit doesn’t realize that skiers like to toss it up in there, too. I know you guys have experienced the same kind of trouble being excluded from places like Taos, and the truth is, it blows. But skiers take a lot of shit from boarders, and what some of them don’t realize is that we are not the wussies that they want us to be. It pisses me off that some little twelve year old thinks that we don’t have the right to be in the park and pipe because the sign says, “No Skiers.”

So my question for you is, would snowboarding be where it is today if boarders always played by the rules? Definitely not. Right now skiing is in somewhat of a rebuilding phase, and we are trying to earn back respect from everyone. We arell out there pushing the limits every day (just like you guys), so do me a favor and keep it legit, and we’ll do the same. Because we are all out there for the same reason-we just choose different types of boards to ride on.

Matt Graves

sessions7@aol.com

So this guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looks around at his shop full of customers and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half.” The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.” In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, “Bill, where did he go when he left here?”

And Bill says, “To your house.”

Lay It On Us, Brother Aaron

I get really annoyed when I read letters written by some fifteen year old (I happen to be fifteen, too.) whining about how his mountain sucks out in So Cal, or wherever. I live in Virginia, and I can assure each and every one of those authors that it gets no worse than this. But I’m not writing to complain about how much Virginia sucks, either. I’m just thankful that I get to participate in this great sport, and I’m not sitting in a hut out in the middle of Africa somewhere. You’ll never see me go out and complain that the trails are more dirt than snow. I’m out there having a great time. I think we all just need to be thankful for what we have.

P.S. You should have more coverage of the East Coast. (Hey, maybe even Virginia!)

Aaron Bushman

Somewhere In Virginia

Short And Sweet

Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes, put it best: “An inch of snow is like winning ten cents in the lottery.”

Brian Garson (bummed on all those one-inch days)

garsonb@tc.gc.ca

Yes, but an inch of snow is better than listening to endless El Niño, a.k.a. “wettest winter ever,” predictions, and then spending the winter in an endless high-pressure system with no snow at all. Take what you can get.

Find The Money

I don’t want your free snowboard. Ed. note-we announced our “snowboard for a creative letter” trade/offer on the Internet last month. I want to hear about places where I can ride (afford to ride). These articles on Alaska, Europe, New Zealand … wherever-your readers can’t afford to take a trip like that. Check your expense report from the last photo shoot. Unless you got stuff comped or adver-sponsors paid the tab, it’s too damn much. Get back to the local scene. As my momma says, “Send a letter, get a letter.” Send US a letter.

Michael Ladinig

Dodge Ridge

How very American of you, Michael. What about our readers who live in Europe, New Zealand, and wherever? Given that wage slaves overseas make the same (non) living that most of us do here, it wouldn’t be very fair to only do stories on places they could never afford to go to, and “local scenes” they aren’t involved in, now would it?

Ummm … Okay

I really don’t dislike your magazine, but I think you should do a better job. Your magazine is too personality oriented-i.e., too much pro life and pro shit. Pros are exciting to watch ride, but for the most part can be pretty boring people to write about and talk to. Also, you appear as major industry kiss-asses. I understand this is all a business, but people want to read about interesting things, so find something interesting to write about. Tell us something from the viewpoint of a hardcore snowboard fanatic without some political or industrial ties they want to suck up to in writing. Everyone finds a hardcore informed rider’s point of view interesting. Not many people care what the marketing departments of the snowboard industry think. Hero-worship and industry shit is out. Humor and insight are in. If you check out TW SKATE you’ll notice how their articles are more down to earth-real skaters, really skating. Your magazine seems more like a connected few staging some mini-event for the sake of the magazine.

Justin E. Kittell

Sandy, Utah

Forever Hard

I’ve been reading your mag since I first started riding four years ago. All the letters people send you are garbage. All they do is complain. All you people complaining, forget it. Let people live the way they want! So it ain’t cool to you, but it is cool to them, so be it!

P.S. TransWorld needs more hot girls wearing less. Uhhhhhh!

Kelsy Longmore, Age 12

Regina, Canada

Is that a complaint?

Why … Why?

I was at Mt. Baker around the end of May, hiking with my friends, when I found one of the biggest gap jumps over a cat track I had ever seen. Being fully conscious of my limits, I looked at it and said, “Out of the question.” About an hour later some other guys started milling around the jump, throwing snowballs off of it like they were planning to go off. I decided I had to get good at snowboarding sometime, so I went over and checked it out. It was impossible to do a speed check-I watched this guy turn away at the last minute a couple of times. I went up above the jump and dropped in.

As soon as I hit the lip, I knew I was going to come up short. I hit the cat track flat coming straight down, crumpled, and heard a loud bang. I thought I was a paraplegic for sure, but was pretty amazed to find I was just yelling a lot. I got up, checked for any loose appendages-there were none-then turned to say I was okay. That’s when I noticed I was spitting teeth out. I collected as many teeth as I could and headed home. (I live in Canada and we have free medical here.) The next day I had to get surgery because I broke my jaw, too, but I didn’t notice ’til I saw the X-rays.

Anyway, the point of my story is this: there was a guy there who filmed the jump. Plus there was a guy who was still setting up to go off the jump after me. I’d like to know what happened to them, and if I could get a copy of the video.

Andrew Mellenger

876 Habgood St.

White Rock, B.C.

V4B 4W3, Canada

andrewm@argus-controls.com

Hate to use you as an example, Andrew, but there’s a thin line between pushing yourself and being straight retarded, and you definitely win the “what the f-k was he thinking” award this month. Your prize? A clue. Learn from his mistake, kids. Seriously, though … we’d like a copy of the video, too.

Simple Pleasures

I’ve read your magazine for the longest time. Not because I was a boarder, but because it was the closest I could get to becoming one. I used to be stuck in Dallas, Texas! Plus, I didn’t have enough money to buy a board or a plane ticket. Thanks to my dad’s company, I now live in Seattle, Washington. Seattle is only one hour away from snowboarding. The resorts in Washington aren’t the highest quality, but they are better than nothing. I’m all ready to go-just got a new board and a season’s pass. What more could you ask for?

Brett Armstrong

Seattle, Washington

Not much, Brett. Not much.

Letters (which may be edited for clarity and space) should be sent in marked: Letter To The Editor, TransWorld SNOWboarding. By snail-trail mail: 353 Airport Rd., Oceanside, CA 92054. By FAX: (760) 722-0653. By e-mail: snowletters@twsnet.com

P.S. Thanks, Heather, for sending us all those jokes … finds a hardcore informed rider’s point of view interesting. Not many people care what the marketing departments of the snowboard industry think. Hero-worship and industry shit is out. Humor and insight are in. If you check out TW SKATE you’ll notice how their articles are more down to earth-real skaters, really skating. Your magazine seems more like a connected few staging some mini-event for the sake of the magazine.

Justin E. Kittell

Sandy, Utah

Forever Hard

I’ve been reading your mag since I first started riding four years ago. All the letters people send you are garbage. All they do is complain. All you people complaining, forget it. Let people live the way they want! So it ain’t cool to you, but it is cool to them, so be it!

P.S. TransWorld needs more hot girls wearing less. Uhhhhhh!

Kelsy Longmore, Age 12

Regina, Canada

Is that a complaint?

Why … Why?

I was at Mt. Baker around the end of May, hiking with my friends, when I found one of the biggest gap jumps over a cat track I had ever seen. Being fully conscious of my limits, I looked at it and said, “Out of the question.” About an hour later some other guys started milling around the jump, throwing snowballs off of it like they were planning to go off. I decided I had to get good at snowboarding sometime, so I went over and checked it out. It was impossible to do a speed check-I watched this guy turn away at the last minute a couple of times. I went up above the jump and dropped in.

As soon as I hit the lip, I knew I was going to come up short. I hit the cat track flat coming straight down, crumpled, and heard a loud bang. I thought I was a paraplegic for sure, but was pretty amazed to find I was just yelling a lot. I got up, checked for any loose appendages-there were none-then turned to say I was okay. That’s when I noticed I was spitting teeth out. I collected as many teeth as I could and headed home. (I live in Canada and we have free medical here.) The next day I had to get surgery because I broke my jaw, too, but I didn’t notice ’til I saw the X-rays.

Anyway, the point of my story is this: there was a guy there who filmed the jump. Plus there was a guy who was still setting up to go off the jump after me. I’d like to know what happened to them, and if I could get a copy of the video.

Andrew Mellenger

876 Habgood St.

White Rock, B.C.

V4B 4W3, Canada

andrewm@argus-controls.com

Hate to use you as an example, Andrew, but there’s a thin line between pushing yourself and being straight retarded, and you definitely win the “what the f-k was he thinking” award this month. Your prize? A clue. Learn from his mistake, kids. Seriously, though … we’d like a copy of the video, too.

Simple Pleasures

I’ve read your magazine for the longest time. Not because I was a boarder, but because it was the closest I could get to becoming one. I used to be stuck in Dallas, Texas! Plus, I didn’t have enough money to buy a board or a plane ticket. Thanks to my dad’s company, I now live in Seattle, Washington. Seattle is only one hour away from snowboarding. The resorts in Washington aren’t the highest quality, but they are better than nothing. I’m all ready to go-just got a new board and a season’s pass. What more could you ask for?

Brett Armstrong

Seattle, Washington

Not much, Brett. Not much.

Letters (which may be edited for clarity and space) should be sent in marked: Letter To The Editor, TransWorld SNOWboarding. By snail-trail mail: 353 Airport Rd., Oceanside, CA 92054. By FAX: (760) 722-0653. By e-mail: snowletters@twsnet.com

P.S. Thanks, Heather, for sending us all those jokes …