That’s right–I’m out, busted, broke, gone belly up, and I can’t pay the bills. I spent money in all the wrong places, and now I’m asking you to do the same by buying my truck. Don’t bother putting aside any of your hard-earned cash, spend it now, spend it fast.

This truck does everything but talk. Start with no door handles–it’s called shaving, baby, and this truck is smooth. Move on to BBS eighteen-inch RC wheels with Pirelli Scorpion speed-rated tires, four-wheel drive on the fly. For sound, it has 1,000 watts of butt-shaking power, hooked-up to four subs, and six more speakers to cover the mids and highs, all attached to one of the best stereo EQs around–Quart competition crossovers, a ten-disc CD changer, six-disc minidisc changer, and Sony’s best head unit to control it all. It looks good, and you’ll look good in it!

Seriously, though, I’ve been snowboarding for fourteen years now and I still love it, but it’s time for me to step down as a pro snowboarder and find another avenue to earn a living by. I’ll still ride, and I hope to show up in the mags some like Craig Kelly does, but my body says it’s time to mellow out a little bit and my mind says it’s time to broaden them horizons. My heart tells me to find something I love and that I can serve mankind with. Because I know I’m not just here for me, in fact, my life belongs to Someone else.

So what I’m really trying to say is, I’m all washed up, and I ain’t making a comeback!–Noah Brandon