Kitten Mittens.

Kitten Mittens.

When leaving the SIA On-Snow Demo earlier this week at Winter Park, Colorado, I couldn’t help but notice how unpleasantly brisk the weather had turned. … a.k.a: it was colder that a witch’s nip tassles, and my little-girl hands were beyond calling it quits in e negative 23-degree frostbite hell. When finally arriving at Denver Airport, the TV monitors shared news flashes and update bulletins galore, many proclaiming that this current swath of incredibly disasterous winter weather was the “Worst in a Century” and would affect over 180 million people here in the good ol’ US of A. Snow! Ice! Wind! Cold! … Um … hell-freaking-yeah!

The storm’s are a-coming, and while your crusty old Dad/teacher/boss/landlord might be losing their sh*t over the forecast, all it says to us snowboarders is that we’re about to get slammed. Snow in the cities, spots opening up, resorts getting pummeled, and don’t forget the best part: school/work is getting cancelled. It’s on!

But you’re never gonna be able to enjoy these epic conditions if your body’s shaking with cold—and especially not if your little fingers are screaming out in frostbitten pain. Tackle the arctic end times with a pair of these misty mitts on your paws, and never be caught defrosting your digits on a pow day again.—A.H.

——

P.S.—No, rocking a 700-fill puffy, four layers of pants, two facemasks, and then pipe gloves (??) doesn’t make a whole lotta sense, Marvin. You may not be able to give the “peace sign” in your future on-hill Facebook photo when rocking hefty winter handbags, but you won’t need to be running to the bathroom heaters every 10 minutes, either. Missing runs and/or making your buddies wait because your hands are lobster claws isn’t “steezy”, it’s “stoopid”—mitt up.

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Burton [ak] Oven Under Mitt

$129.95
burton.com

“Sleeping bags for your hands.” Pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? Expensive as hell, but ready to do battle in the most hellish of winter conditions, the Oven Mitts are maybe the warmest hand-guards in the game. Pistol-gripped, leather palms, 15 oz. of Primaloft, and now coming in short cuffs—if you live in Antarctica (or Minnesota), these are for you.

Although … unlike sleeping bags, you probably can’t “share” these during a high school camping trip.