You can write Marco a letter on the site: transworldsnowboarding.com. Hit him with what’s ailing you, broken bones, hearts, and all that. He’ll know what to do; he’s MFM!

Hey Marc Frank Montoya,

I think you’re awesome and like watching you kill it. I was wondering, when you’re going to throw yourself off of a 60-foot cliff, what are you thinking, and how do you get in the mindset for something that crazy?

Kevin Ice

Thanks for the props, homey. It’s a lil’ different these days when I’m on top of a big-ass cliff. I used to be all freaked out, like, “Damn! What am I doin’ up here? I hope I come out of this alive!” But nowadays I’m thinkin’ more like, “A’ight, quit being a puss-what nutty-ass trick can I do off this cliff? And make sure you stomp this shit or you’re gonna have to hike all the way back up here to get the shot!” Then I scope it all out and keep picturin’ myself stompin’ it clean over and over again. After that, you just gotta be like, “F-k it!”

Dear MFM,

I recently knocked out my front five teeth on a rail. I hoped to start riding rails again but was overcome by fear. Do you have any advice on how to get over my injury?

Ramsey Carey

Des Moines, Iowa

Yeah dog, I know exactly what you do. First you take dem panties off and give ‘em back to ya momma! Then somehow (build one, borrow one, steal one, et cetera) go and get a little rail and plant it somewhere you can practice. Start off by puttin’ the little kicker real close to the end of the rail so you can just hit it mellow and come off the end every time. Then you can start movin’ the jump back a little each time. Pretty soon the kicker is all the way back at the beginning of the rail and you’re slidin’ the whole thing again. Boom, back to normal!

You gotta build your confidence back up again. I had to do the same thing a couple years ago (except for the panty part) when I broke my nose, got a concussion, and separated my shoulder, all on one funny little rail.

What do you like more, winning ten-grand or having sex?

Danny Kass

June Lake, California.

Havin’ sex, foo’. Whatchu think! Any more brain busters?

Marc Frank,

I recently grew a mustache that’s creepy as hell. All my friends keep giving me shit about it, but I think it’s hot shit. Should I shave it off or rock it as long as I can? You are the coolest, so you should know.

Java

Vail, Colorado

P.S. Congrats on the Salt Lake Red Bull comp. Killing it.

Yo, thanks on that Red Bull thing. It was crazy, I broke my wrist, finger, nose, and got four stitches in my chin from doin’ that contest. A gang of other fooz got broke off at that one, too.

Anyway, you need ta keep that shit if you like it. You know them friends of yours just be flippin’ you shit. They just want you to shave it off so they can grow one a couple weeks later and act like they were the originators! KnowwhatImsayin’? You gotta let your true character come out, dog. Not too much though, you probably a damn freaknik.

Disclaimer: Seeing as we’re a bunch of suburban white kids, most of the time we don’t understand what Marc is saying, much less agree with it. Word.