A car game, Interns style
Winter is upon us, and with it comes a storm of the worst drivers you will ever encounter in your life-the kind of people that make you lose faith in humanity. No rational thoughts whatsoever. It’s as if the thought of a snow-covered road wipes the brain clean of all common sense. There could be a rocket scientist, a brain surgeon, and a Noble Peace Prize-winning scholar in the car, and at the first sight of snow, they’ll turn into the Three Stooges.
It’s not as hard as it seems, folks. It’s all common sense. If it’s not snowing and you’ve got your windshield wipers on-you’re probably following too closely. If there’s a hairpin turn coming up-slow down. If you don’t know whether or not there’s one coming up, then don’t do 80. Pull it together, people!
Sorry, just had to get that out. With that being said, we thought you might like to join in on a little game we like to play on the way to shred our little brains out. It’s called “Uuuuugh!” Simply find any of the people listed below on your drive and yell “Uuuuuugh!” followed by the person you have spotted (e.g. “Uuuuugh, Bigfoot!”) It’s a good time.
They’re the ones who put on chains at their house-a good two-hour drive away from any snow. Better safe than sorry! The only thing to do when you get behind a Chainiac is wait for a spot to pass and shield yourself from the flying chunks of pavement.
The opposite of the Chainiac, the Bigfoot drives his completely unpractical monster truck about 95 mph in a blizzard. He’s easy to spot, just look for the huge flag and “FEAR THIS!” sticker in the back window. He can also usually be found in a ditch about a mile after he passes you.
An Intern favorite! Most commonly found on late-model sedans such as the Ford Taurus, these guys can’t figure out how to get both sides of the chains attached, so they just give it a go anyway. The result is the loose cables whipping the side of their car with every rotation of the tire. Listen for the “Thwack, thwack, thwack.”
Day Late And A Dollar Short
Keep an eye out for the 1972 Dodge Aspen in the middle of the ski resort access road, trying to put on a single chain-not a tire chain, a single chain. He thought, for some reason, he could make it with only four bald tires and a belly full of Stroh’s.
We’re pretty sure Honda never made a rear-wheel-drive Accord. So why do these people continue to put chains on the rear tires? For better traction when the tow truck drags you front first out of a snowbank? That’s about all they’re going to be good for when your car loses it.