Angry Interns – Know Your Snow

All these hotshots around here are so busy talking about who hucked what over this and that gap that they’ve totally missed out on one of the most important aspects of the whole freakin’ sport-the snow. Sure, they can tell you where Johnny Radpro got his eyebrow pierced, but they can’t spend a minute out of their precious day to tell you about the very surface you’re riding on all winter long. So, on top of our normal duties as the office janitor/therapist/coffee machine/mechanic/babysitter, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to fill you in on all the types of snow you might encounter while shredding the rad.

Powder, Pow, Cherry Cherry Pow Pow, Da Bomb, Last Train To Powsville, Duff, Duff McKeagan, The Great White Wave, Slasher Movie, White Room, Blower, The Fluff, Gunsmoke

First things first, it takes at least one foot of snow to be considered pow-unless you’re anywhere with a warmer, more humid climate like the Northwest, where a good eight inches will do. So don’t come stormin’ in the lodge talking about how you’ve been riding pow all day when everyone around you knows it’s dust on crust. That’s grounds for a beatdown.

Dust On Crust, Dusty Demons Of Crust, That Sucked, Magic Cloak, Cock Punch, Death Cookies, Chunky Swirly

This usually occurs after it rains, freezes, then snows just enough to make it look like the best day ever. You get all fired up and go to sink in a bitchin’ turn, and instead of that sweet swoosh of pow, you get the sound of two alley cats fighting.

Ice, Boilerplate, East Coast Powder, The Shining, The Old Anti-Carve, Edge Catcher, Pipe Day

As a rule, if you can see yourself in the surface that you’re riding on, it’s icy. Another indication might be the noise your snowboard makes when landing a jump. If it sounds like you just dropped a chunk of meat on cement, it’s ’cause you pretty much did.

Slush, Slush Puppies, Sloop, Slop, Park Day, Wakeboarding

A springtime favorite, slush is what happens to ice after a couple days in the sun. While it’s great for really tossing yourself through the park, it has also been known to grab edges on takeoffs, causing the much-dreaded involuntary rodeo flip.

Windblown, Windbuff, Styrofoam, The Squeak

Nothing is worse than the wind turning a solid two feet of powder into six inches of hardpack. You and your bros are all “Woooooo!” Then you make that first turn and you’re all, “Nooooooo!”

Hot Pow, Mashed Potatoes, Elmers, Mung Town, Driving With The Parking Break On, Velcro, Slurpee, The Cascade Concrete

Usually caused by fresh snow getting baked in the sun or rained on, this stuff looks like the sweetest blower ever but is quite the opposite. If you manage to get some speed, don’t try to jump into a turn-this could result in a deceleration so fast that your head will rip off your neck.