Unless you’re a jib-dog, February is a suitable month for dying. Everything around is dead-the trees black and frozen, so that the appearance of green shoots two months hence seems preposterous. The ground is hard and cold, the snow dirty, the winter hateful and hanging on too long. You don’t agree? Prove us wrong-send mail to: The Angry Interns(tm) 353 Airport Road, Oceanside, CA 92054. Or get your tech on, e-mail us at: email@example.com.
Hey TransWorld! I was just wondering when to try a backflip. When do you know you’re ready? I see people doing them at local hills. If you’re not ready, you could get beat.Evan Roskoszvia e-mailAs indentured monkeys for the cause here in Oceanside, we don’t get much time on the snow. We’re sorry to say that asking us for advice on riding is a dead end. We couldn’t reach Damian Sanders, so we hit up Dresser, our resident expert, and he said, “First get comfortable jumping off the diving board, then turn your back to the pool, spring up and backward, and tuck-you might smack your back a few times, but it only hurts for a minute.” So go hop into your banana-hammock and head to the pool, Evan.
Crying ShameI headed to the terrain park to hit this rail, but it looked a lot bigger once I got up to it-so I added a little ramp in front of it. I strapped myself into my little junky rental board, took a shot at it, and actually did it! I was totally stoked. But, before I could try again, I heard a voice say “You there, with the rental board, come here!” A ski-patrol guy told me “The use of rental boards is prohibited in the terrain park.” He then escorted me to the front office and said I wouldn’t be allowed on the mountain for three months. I went home with my dad and cried all the way. Since I’m fourteen, I don’t have much money. My parents say that they’ll buy me lift tickets, but I have to find a way to get a board. I have to say, ski resorts that don’t let you learn to snowboard should be ashamed of themselves. Nelson Mouellicvia e-mailDo you think that half-wit ski patrol will remember you? Doubtful. Just barge the hill; to them, you’re just another insect who interferes with their schuss-time. They’re just skiing rent-a-cops with a woody to exhibit some petty form of authority. Dry your tears-damn, you’re fourteen! Get a job, get a stick, and get your shred on.
Mental MidgetThis one night, Kelly Schovanek (pro rider for Random Snowboards) and I were playing Frisbee in the snow on Main Street in Canmore, Alberta. This was when Canmore received a freak three-and-a-half-foot dump of snow. It was about three in the morning and a car drove by-Kelly decided to throw a snowball at it. The driver slammed on the brakes and all of a sudden a midget got out and started chasing her.Shlecky MoscowitsCanmore (not Banff!), AlbertaHave you ever heard that small people (not midgets-show some respect) have the strength of ten men? It’s not a myth. You two are lucky to have escaped the beating you asked for by throwing snowballs at the car. In the midst of a three-foot dump, it seems pro girl and yourself should have some jibs or rails to handle rather than playing Frisbee and dangerous juvenile games.
Resort RejectI’d make a great intern, I think. I don’t need to get paid and have some experience in entertaining pro riders, making coffee, and calibrating monitors. I know how to use Quark Xpress and PhotoShop a little. I went to college and got a degree in journalism.I’m having trouble keeping a job in the ski-resort industry-I used to work at Waterville Valley. I used to snowboard, too, but I seem to have misplaced it somewhere.My goal is to develop the skills needed to become a full-fledged journalist and/or photographer. I could write cool articles. This isn’t a joke. Do I look like I’m laughing? (See picture.) Let me know when I can start, because I’m just not feeling the East Coast anymore.Matt GormleyFramingham, Massachusetts
Oh yeah, this is a resting place for the lowest industry flunkies-just look at the masthead. But you have some skills and have held a legit job in the past, so you’re out of the running for intern work. What we may be able to arrange, however, is a job scrubbing pint glasses down the street at One More That’s It. A few hours a week there and you’d know what really goes into making this sad excuse for an extreme-sports publication. Think you’re not feeling the East Coast? Come feel this for a minute, and you’ll change your mind fast, bro.
Angry Interns Extra #6
Talkin’ TrashI recently moved to Mount Hood. All these kids from Portland come up here and leave a massive trail of trash in their wake. Hey, this isn’t the city-up here we respect our mountain environment. Pack it in, pack it out! If you’re littering on Mount Hood, watch out for me-I’ll stomp your ass like my frontside 360s.Tom CoxWelches, Oregon
A violent hippie-an odd creature, indeed. We sympathize with the gripe and might have cut you some slack, but you made the mistake of including a photo. Your stinkbug-extra-elbow-squat-rocket was more pathetic than your logic-and a mere two feet in the air! You need to “pack it in,” sucker.