Mother Nature doesn’t work nine to five. And she definitely doesn’t play fair. After denying your local mountain of even a single flake for two weeks, she decides to start dumping (we’re talking multiple feet here!) at 6:00 p.m. Sunday night. What’s a working snowboarder to do? Play hooky, of course. Here are some tips and excuses to use with absolutely no guarantee they’ll work:

• If you go the old fashioned way (simply calling in sick), remember to always wear sunscreen. Try a full face mask for better protection, although you probably won’t meet many future dates looking like a bank robber.

• Read soap-opera updates in TV Guide to act like you watched TV all day. Also, Jerry Springer runs late night if you want to get even more realistic with your act.

• Make friends with a doctor for a better list of ailments. Just don’t invite him or her to your company Christmas party.

• Take two days off instead of one. It’ll seem like you were really sick (and you’ll have more fun).

• Don’t wear your usual snowboarding clothes. You never know who else might be cutting that day.

• Just quit your job. Don’t even ever show up at it again. But only do this the day after payday.

–J.S.