Tiny Type

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• January 29 2007
• 693 views
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Tiny Type (Feb)

Is it just us, or is February kind of a weird month? You’re sick of winter, but you’re not really ready for it to be spring yet, so you’re feeling a little confused to begin with. Then there’s the whole issue of Valentine’s Day, where you’re like, “Should I get a present? Should we go out to dinner? But are we even dating?” And at that point you just want to curl up in bed under your covers and read Tiny Type so you don’t have to deal with it anymore, because there’s nothing scary or confusing about snowboard gossip.

Ask These People For Free Stuff
In addition to signing Zac Marben (as was reported in last month’s Tiny Type), Chris Brown, Jaakko Seppala, and Cody Rosenthal have also recently been added to Option’s snowboard team. We aren’t entirely sure what’s going on up there, but we suggest that you send them your footage, because it looks like they’re in the sponsoring mood. Helly Hansen announced its international team, which is comprised of Jussi Tarvainen, Clair Bidez, Shin Campos, Lisa Filzmoser, Steve Fisher, Nicolas Droz, Jules Reymond, and Eric Themel. Josh Sherman rides for Smith and Drop. Jarad Hadi is on Academy Snowboards. John Kooley is getting a pro-model snowboard with Santa Cruz. And finally, Wille Yli-Luoma has a pro-model goggle with IS Design, which brings us to our next bit of juicy gossip …

Finn Gone Wild!
On the annual K2 trip to Switzerland, Wille went completely berserk after returning to their hotel from the bar one night. He started off his drunken rampage by urinating all over teammate Leanne Pelosi’s room, bags, and leg. The notorious Finn then suffered a broken hand after delivering a surprisingly powerful slap to the K2 brand manager’s backside. To top everything off, Wille then broke into the room of Snowboard Magazine’s very own Mark Sullivan and stomped on Mark’s computer, which is now completely out of commission and was not backed up. So yeah, there are several lessons that could be learned from this experience. One of them, obviously, might be to invest in an external hard drive if your entire life is saved on your computer. We’ll let you figure the rest out for yourself.

Gratuitous Portland News
Dave Schiff broke the door to the shipping entrance of the new Grenade warehouse in Portland. He then camped outside the building in his truck all night armed with a pair of scissors with which to stab anyone who might try to break in and steal gloves. He might not shower very often, but what can we say-the guy is dedicated. Brooke Geery fell skateboarding in Chicago and had to get staples in her head. This prompted fellow Portland local Jesse House to explain to her that she didn’t need to go to a doctor to get them out, but instead do like he did and open up a pair of wire cutters at Home Depot and have a friend snip them out. Needless to say, Brooke opted for the doctor. In even more Portland news, Shane Flood is moving out of his house in a sketchy neighborhood in deep southeast and moving into a newly purchased house in an equally sketchy neighborhood in deep northeast. Oh yeah, Sean Genovese and his girlfriend have moved into Lukas Huffman’s house in-you guessed it-Portland. One person who isn’t moving to Portland is Desiree Melancon, who is actually moving out of Oregon to live with Laura Hadar in SLC for the winter. And speaking of Salt Lake …

Gratuitous Salt Lake News
Jordan Mendenhall bought a house in SLC, and, uh … wait, is that the only Utah news we have this month? Seriously? Oh no, hang on, Alexis Waite-who is living in Salt Lake for the winter and is therefore categorized in the SLC news section-did an internship with Roxy. In marriage news Ali Goulet and Technine’s Ethan Fortier just tied the knot. Not with each other of course (no pun intended), but with their respective girlie friends. Okay, I guess that’s it.

Oh Canada!
TransWorld Senior Photographer Scott Serfas is getting into the real-eestate spirit by buying some shares of the world-famous El Furniture Warehouse restaurant/bar based in Vancouver, B.C. Apparently the El Furniture Warehouse also has a new location in Whistler, so look for it when you’re up there. Pro-snowboard babes Leanne Pelosi and Spencer O’Brien are getting a house together in Whistler this winter. Also happening in Canada-this winter Devun Walsh and J-F Pelchat will reportedly be working on Big Bastards, a follow-up to their infamous cult classic Lil’ Bastards. We can’t wait.

Total Randoms That Won’t Fit Anywhere Else
Travis Parker is now a sushi chef. Lane Knaack moved to Reno. Curtis Woodman had his driver’s license taken away and now has to ride his bike everywhere. Danny Kass’ dog had puppies, and so did John Jackson’s. Louie Fountain’s wife didn’t have puppies, but she did have a baby girl. Burton Finnish super-pro Jussi Oksanen and wife Zoe had a beautiful baby boy they named Gabriel, while Bryan Knox of Vans and pro-wife Anne Molin Kongsgaard welcomed Ella Kongsgaard Knox into the world. And finally, Park builder extraordinaire Chris “Gunny” Gunnarson and wife Gen celebrated the birth of their son Kale Andree Gunnarson. So congratulations to all of them.


Quote of The Month:
“And that’s why I hit her in the head with a garbage can.”-Jason Bayne of Grenade, finishing a story about some party on the East Coast

Tiny Type

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• January 19 2007
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As we all know, the first of January is approaching fairly quickly, which means once again making resolutions that we’ll never dream of following through with. Are you going to lose five pounds? Learn switch backside cork 1080s? Dump that girl who won’t stop reading your e-mails and deleting everyone in your phone book? Well, we’ll make an easy one-we resolve to continue printing every bit of random gossip we can get our hands on in Tiny Type, because no matter how little the words are, we know that you read every one. And we love you for it. We really do.

Spons-ation
Ambiguous Snow is making power moves all over the place by picking up both Tim Eddy and Shane Flood. Zac Marben now rides for Option Snowboards. Seth Huot has jumped into the Celsius family. Scotty Lago rides for Saucony, which is something that has been going on for a while, but we’re pretty sure that nobody knows about it yet-or at least we didn’t. Brett Butcher is now riding for Northwave and Drake, and Louie Vito is on O-Matic. Matt Peterson just moved to Southern California and is now working full time as both Academy Snowboards team manager and professional snowboarder-apparently the guy’s got multitasking on lockdown. Speaking of team managers, Zach Dalton-formerly of Burton-is DC’s newest glorified babysitter a.k.a. team manager.

Alternate Occupations
It seems like these days you can’t really be a professional snowboarder without having an agent, which is why everyone’s favorite whip-disser Ali Goulet is becoming one-an agent, that is. Justin Hebbel is Ali’s first athlete, and I’m sure that Mr. Goulet would love more on his roster, so give him a call, because now it’s his job to make your dreams come true. Speaking of pro-snowboarders turned entrepreneurs, Peter Line now has a driving service in Seattle. The service features tatted-out drivers at the helm of Lincoln Town Cars, so if you want to travel like a rock star, go to Seattle. Speaking of rock stars, Corey Smith has a band and Travis Robison got a new grill for his bottom teeth complete with diamonds and ice-yeah son, uhhhh.

Relocation
Louie Vito just bought a new house in SLC. Apparently, professional snowboarders migrate in flocks, as both Josh Mills and Bryan Fox have also permanently relocated to the salty city for the winter, and Jacqui Berg has moved there to share a house with Amber Stackhouse. Kyle Clancy is not moving to Utah, but he is building a house in either June Mountain or Jackson Hole … he was undecided as of press time. Nima Jalali is renting a room in Big Bear for the winter. Nima also reportedly quit smoking for three hours, then smoked five cigs in a row to make up for his lost time. He also recently hosted a pizza party for all his friends at his dad’s pizza parlor in Los Angeles. Photographer Cole Barash has also moved to Southern California, most likely in hopes of attending Nima’s next pizza soiree. In other relocation news, Preston Strout has moved out of Bend and into a house on the edge of the National Forest by Sisters, Oregon. He spends most of his time splitting wood, scaring up game, and collecting nuts and berries. He also claims to have taken down a ten-point buck with a spear that he fashioned from a hemlock branch.

Moderation
In completely unrelated news to anything else in this column, Tim Zimmerman loves pie, but is on a diet. He also heard that Penthouse put an offer in to buy TransWorld. We have no idea if this information is even close to the truth, but another unidentified source claims to have heard that ESPN might also be in the running for future owner. Speaking of future owners (this transition is a little far-fetched, so work with us) AMK and husband Bryan Knox are the future owners of their very own baby. Apparently, tiny wrinkly humans are the new craze or something, because Frank Wells and Jeff Potto are also new fathers. Congratulations to everyone.

Televisation
TPS Report 3 is out, annd Grenade filmer Silent Greg is currently working on number four. Also of Grenade nature, Danny Kass does not eat Wheaties. He eats at the new Mexican place across the street from The Office in June. The place is called Salsitas, it’s wicked cheap, and if you eat there, maybe Danny will be kind enough to sign your burrito wrapper. Oh yeah, The Dingo is in Australia filming some TV show, and word on the street is that he’s single and ready to mate. Also coming up on everyone’s favorite little moving-picture box is a show about The Block. In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years, The Block is the hotel that MFM co-owns and is the location of manifold debaucheries of Big Bear area snowboard patrons and visitors. The show is supposedly airing on the cable channel G4, so check the TV Guide for listings.

Transportation
TWS’ newest employee Joe Carlino recently bought a Toyota Tundra and moved to Carlsbad, California. Fellow SoCal resident and MDPeople Producer/filmer Justin Eeles just bought a new 2007 Ski Doo Summit 800 sled outfitted with dual Cheetah factory racks. If you feel like following in Mr. Eeles’ snow-vehicle-purchasing footsteps, Lukas Huffman is selling his semi-functional sled for “really cheap.” Josh Sherman sold his motorcycle that he bought over the summer for 800 dollars to a kid in Wisconsin. Unfortunately for both parties, the motorcycle exploded the following day, but being the nice guy that he is, Josh gave the guy his money back. Josh Sherman also purchased an ‘06 Chevy Silverado 1500 with his bonus from the TWS Buyer’s Guide cover. Alex Sherman is not related to Josh Sherman, but he did lose something recently. We’ll give you three guesses at what that something is.

Recreation
Rossignol Team Manager Alex Pashley reportedly turned the tables on freelance filmer Java Fernandez at a recent premiere by putting all his drinks on Java’s tab. In retaliation, Java ripped Pashley’s underwear off at the bar and threw drinks in his crotch. Lesson learned? Don’t piss off Java. In more delayed premiere-season news: Drew Fuller and MDPeople filmer Gabe L’Heureux’s brother were stumbling back from the TWS Riders’ Poll awards when Drew decided to climb up into a fountain and splash around for a little bit. Afterward, Drew was spotted stumbling down the street drunk and sopping wet by a San Diego cop and taken to the drunk tank, only to sneak out when the guards weren’t looking. Priceless.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• December 14 2006
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You know, Tiny Type might be a little more interesting if professional snowboarders would start acting a little more like Hollywood celebrities. Sure, the occasional sponsor change and wrecked snowmobile is okay, but would it kill them to throw in an eating disorder every once in a while? Maybe they could give sleeping with each other’s girlfriends and blowing all their money on strippers and diamond-encrusted Ferraris a try. At this point, we’d settle for somebody just getting a boob job. Any takers? No? Okay, fine, but don’t blame us when Us Weekly gets more readers than we do.

Yard Sale
TransWorld SNOWboarding is officially for sale. In case you hadn’t heard, company investing is the new real estate, so get your bros together and buy us. This might work especially well if one of your bros happens to be extreme à…ber-celeb Shaun White. We hear he’s throwing money around all over the place. More on that later.

Trade-Show Pandemonium
This year’s ASR festivities included not only a melee of snowboard-video premieres, but also the annual TWS Riders’ Poll Awards. As with most parties, the night was incredible, the next day-not so much. This can especially be attested to by Pat McCarthy whose morning-after puking woke up our intern, Julia, who was sleeping in the neighboring hotel room. Apparently, after being thrown out of the Riders’ Poll venue, Pat was confronted by a San Diego policeman, who then threatened to take the Washington native to the drunk tank unless he could find a friend to come get him. Luckily for Pat, John Laing is a very good friend.
In other ASR madness, Scotty Arnold was reportedly arrested for unknown reasons outside of the Mongo Productions premiere. Also, Rube Goldberg and Mark Welsh decided to have a Che Guevara moment and ride their motorcycles from Whistler to San Diego for the trade show. Unfortunately for Mark, his ride broke down halfway into the journey, forcing Rube to go solo. However, Rube didn’t let the loss of his traveling companion stop him from enjoying the trip, including a visit to the Los Angeles set of The Price Is Right.

All In The Family
Shaun White celebrated his twentieth birthday by reportedly buying a new three-million-dollar home in ritzy Rancho Santa Fe. This puts him somewhere around the twenty-house mark, and he can’t even legally drink yet. White also recently made a trip down to a San Diego Lamborghini dealership to purchase a new whip, but decided to go with a Bentley, deeming the Lamborghini too “jerky.”
Now on to more White news. Shaun’s brother, Jesse White, has been working for Burton as Shaun’s team manager for the past couple of years. Wait, is it technically a team manager if there’s only one person on the team? We’re not sure how one would go about getting on the Burton Shaun Team (which is only slightly more prestigious than the International Team), but maybe you could check it out on their Web site. Anyway, as far as we can tell, Jesse’s job included traveling, snowboarding, going to parties, and hanging out in a hotel room with Lindsay Lohan. Oh wait, that was the other brother. Okay, now where were we? Right, anyway, Jesse recently packed up the house and drove to the East Coast in order to start a “real job” at Burton heading The White Collection. Um, Jesse? Can we just ask you one question? You were getting paid to hang out with your little brother, who just happens to be buying million-dollar homes, driving flashy cars and befriending hot celebrities, and you quit? Okay, that’s all. We just wanted to know.

B-b-b-bootsy!
Sean Lake of DC (who, coincidentally, is another former team manager of Shaun White’s) took the entire team to New Zealand. One problem-on the first day heli-boarding, he forgot his snowboard boots, earning himself the precious nickname “Bootsy.” In keeping with the nickname, Lake has taken up knitting and sold his sled in order to adopt 57 kittens from the Humane Society. Or at least that’s what should have happened.

Is It Christmas Already?
For the holiday season, Nixon has created a limited new watch collection that is made from pro-model skateboards and snowboards, including those of Paul Rodriguez, Colin McKay, Christian Hosoi, Jeremy Jones, Romain De Marchi, JP Solberg, and Gigi Ruf. Each watch includes .03mm that have been planed off of one of the skateboard or snowboard topsheets, and only a hundred will be made as it’s all done by hand and is incredibly labor intensive. Watches made from wood? Really? Hey, we have an idea for you: Diamonds. Everywhere. That’s right, you heard us.

Brand-New Day
Snowboarding’s number one soul bro, Mike Basich, has decided to leave Arbor after four years of riding for the company. Basich claims to want “a fresh start … a fresh pow run to start the winter off,” due to new projects in the works for the upcoming winter. You can check up on Mike at 241-USA.com and MikeBasich.com.
Jesse Fox has been added to the NFA outerwear team for being “one of the most stylish men in snowboarding,” according to their press release. Lucas Magoon has moved from Forum and Special Blend to Technine boards and bindings and Section outerwear. Joining Gooner on Technine is fellow Mammoth resident Max Weinberger. Minnesota rail prodigy Joe Sexton has also switched board sponsors, moving from Nitro to Stepchild.
Also moving forward with the times, both Preston Strout and
Kale Stephens have been seen rocking sweatpants on and off the hill. We can only assume that they’ve stumbled upon the new punk rock and that alterna-kids everywhere will waste no time in jumping on the soft cottony bandwagon. One can only hope that the sweatpants craze will be taken a step further and into velour territory. Juicy Couture, anyone?

Ice Ice Baby
Apparently, JP Walker and Heikki Sorsa agree wholeheartedly with our complaint about professional snowboarders being too blandly frugal. Word on the street is that JP has been flashing a diamond-encrusted Forum medallion and Heikki recently bought a Tag Heuer watch complete with not nine, but ten diamonds to go with the gold nugget he wears around his neck. On behalf of the TransWorld staff and bored snowboard gossip aficionados everywhere, thank you.

Quote of the Month:
“I want to control+alt+delete my life.” -TWS Web editor and certifiable nerd Evan LeFebvre.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• August 11 2006
• 59 views
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Hi there, nice to see you again. Did you have a good summer? Did you get up to Hood or Whistler? Did you even ride at all? Or did you just skate and go to the river every day? Didn’t you think about us once? Oh, forget it, we can’t talk to you right now. We’re too upset. Jerk.

News From The Frontlines

Apparently, Defective Films’ Sean Johnson accidentally totaled Simon Chamberlain’s sweet new truck (and the snowmobile and trailer it was towing) while driving it in Tahoe this past spring. Johnson reportedly hit a nasty patch of black ice, spun out of control, and ended up flipping and sliding along the road. Yikes! Don’t worry, everyone was okay. But yeah, only one thing worse than wrecking your new truck-wrecking your friend’s brand-new truck.

The world is an awesome, strange place. With that said, we should tell you about the marriage of photographer Neil “Neir” Dacosta to the lovely Sara “Fish And Chips” Phillips in Portland, Oregon this spring. Yep, on a blustery April Sunday, the two tied the knot on Scotty Wittlake’s front porch. Presiding over the ceremony was Andrew Forgash, who’d dropped fourteen bucks to get officially ordained online earlier that week. Sara walked out on the porch to join Neir as Forgash played a distorted version of “Here Comes The Bride” on his electric guitar. The two said some nice words to each other, exchanged rings, and that was it. Very sweet-and very bohemian. Speaking of Forgash, he now has a Web site. Check it at andrewforgash.com, if you care.

In other domestic news, it appears that Jordan Mendenhall is a new homeowner in the SLC, as well as the proud father of a brand-new baby boy named Rohen. Also procreating recently was Lifetime’s Reid Stewart, whose newborn little man is officially named Fin Oliver Stewart. Congrats to everyone! However, we are sad to report the passing of European rider Tommy Brunner in an avalanche this spring up in Whistler. Our hearts and thoughts go out to Tommy’s friends and family.

Yes Men

Like a wise man once said, change is the only thing that stays the same. With that in mind, we should mention that this season’s sloppy industry parties will sorely miss K2 Team Manager Ryan Runke. That’s right, Mr. Runke recently left his job at K2 and moved across the country to Burlington, Vermont, where his fiancà‡e took a job at Burton. Runke reportedly plans to freelance for a bit and see what happens. We can only hope we still catch a few lucky glimpses of our man drunk and sweaty out on the dance floor-topless save for a tattered white blazer à– la Don Johnson-or signing for a ridiculously huge bar tab at the end of the night like the good old days. Good luck, dude!

In other company news, Ride’s marketing maven Tara Miller suffered a severe leg injury shredding the pow-pow at Jackson Hole last season. Apparently, a small tree fractured her tibia plateau and ruptured her MCL, making an eight-millimeter depression in her cartilage from the impact. What was supposed to be a three-hour surgery turned into five! With a sentence of ten to twelve weeks on crutches and some heavy physical therapy, she should be all good come this season, though.

Oh, and we should mention something else we heard through the grapevine: As the Gravis sales meeting in Central America came to a close recently, Jake Burton simply whistled for his helicopter to come pick him up on the beach instead of taking the several-hour shuttle ride back to the airport with the rest of commoners. This was obviously much to the amazement of the wide-eyed locals … and everyone else involved in the sales meeting. Ah, to be a global financial superpower.

Cheat Sheet

Here’s where we talk about who’s found themselves riding for which companies as of late. Ready? Okay, here we go. Bataleon welcomed Brett Butcher to the team recently, Sessions signed on one Nate Bozung, and Matt Beardmore has been added to the Northwave/Drake/Bakoda pro team. Flow hired on Clare Bideez. Wille Yli-Luoma shook hands with the I.S. Design boys on a deal involving a limited-edition in-season release of a Wille signature goggle. And young Tim Eddy joins M4 as a top am rider and will reportedly spend this season shooting with Standard Films. Also, did you know that Westbeach, that good old Canadian company, was executing a revamp of sorts? Yeah, and as part of that, Paavo Tikkanen signed a three-year deal. Unfortunately, last we heard, the outerwear brand had declared bankruptcy. Hmmm.

Hey, as long as we’re yapping, ever wonder what happened to Johan Olofsson? Turns out he’s been back in northern Sweden for the past couple years recovering from two ACL blowouts in the same knee. During that time, he’s become part owner of a snowboard shop in his hometown of G llivare and is now heading up building a bitchin’ new terrain park up at the local hill-two parks and a Superpipe, actually, complete with rails, boxes, kickers, and other what-have-yous. He’s reportedly healed up now and, in his words, “back from the living dead.” It’s all pretty exciting, really.

In other randomness, turns out that on a recent MDPeople film shoot, photographer IJ Valenzuela promised Curtis Woodman he’d cut his hair if Woodman landed a switch frontside 360 off a sketchy rock drop first try (Valenzuela’s hair has been growing longer than Curtis has been snowboarding-fifteen years!). Well, the motivation worked, ’cause Woodman set that bitch down, and true to his word, IJ chopped off his locks, donating them to a cancer foundation to be used as a wig for someone in need. Good dude, that IJ.

“That’s My Shit!”

Ahem, this story is much bigger than Tiny Type-not in size, but in, you know, importance. Nevertheless, here it is: Once upon a time on a seemingly normal day snowmobiling in the Whistler backcountry, J-F Pelchat took a shit. For reasons of his own, he then scooped up said poop and flicked it off into the snow with the tip of his board. That was the end of it, right? Wrong. Later that day, Annie Boulanger was using her snowboard to pack down a cliff run-in when-what’s this? She suddenly realized she had fresh, smelly fecal matter all over her board, in her ratchets, on her mitts-which she had to sacrifice to wipe off her bindings and therefore hit the cliff with bare hands. “That’s my shit!” J-F gleefully exclaimed when she got to the valley floor. Unfortunately for Annie, there was still a full afternoon of shredding left and the smell was far from gone.

Now, it appears that on a film trip to Germany this winter for the ir77 project, Andrew Crawford built a nine-minute ladder. That’s right, after the rest of the crew dismissed the idea of building a ladder to facilitate a roof drop on the grounds of it “taking too long,” Crawford went to the lumber store, set out two-by-fours, nails, and a hammer in the street, and pulled up the van to pump out a shitty metal mix he’d made just for the occasion. “Man, it was one of the most intense nine minutes I’ve ever seen,” reports Lukas Huffman. “The Kid Rock was blaring, Crawford was sawing, the clock was ticking.” Sure enough, nine minutes later the crew had a fully functioning climbing device, and it was time to eat their words and launch a roof or two.

Finally, there are rumors of Justin Timberlake bringing back 90s-era X Games medalist Ben Hinkley to perform snowboarding stunts in his next music video-something about Mammoth and double-backflips over the stage. We heard about it in the liftline at Grenade Games, so who knows? Maybe some of you more current snowboarders should be joining SAG (the Screen Actors Guild).

Quote Of The Month

“It was only for a second, but it was enough.”-Filippo Kratter, on being spooned by his brother Giacomo in their shared hotel bed at the TransWorld Team Challenge.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• March 20 2006
• 42 views
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Let’s get this straight: Tiny Type cannot solve your relationship problems, it can’t help you feel better about yourself, it can’t make you happy if you’re not already happy on your own, and oh yeah-it can’t help you lose weight. So what good is it? Um …

Life And Times

Former CAPiTA Team Manager/Investor Pat O’Toole picked up shop in Bend, Oregon recently and moved to Edwards, Colorado, just west of Vail and Beaver Creek on ol’ I-70, to open a new snowboard shop called EMAGE Board Store (an EMAGE location already exists in Denver). The shop, somewhat fortuitously, is bellied up right next to what residents are calling one of the best new skateparks west of the Mississippi.

In other Colorado news, Nic Drago got his hip replaced-again (the first replacement was rejected by his body, rendering him a useless pile of bones and flesh). Drago was spotted a number of times on the dance floor during the fall, as well as at the skatepark. Now that it’s winter, he’s most definitely shredding the rad on that new hip.

However, we are sad to report that King Weep, a well-known and loved member of Jackson, Wyoming’s snowboard community, was in a fatal car crash in late November on his way from Salt Lake City to Jackson Hole. Our thoughts are with his friends and family.

Enough About Us, Let’s Talk About Us

Hey, did you know that we screwed up big time? Yeah, we effed up a photo credit in the January issue’s Wallpaper on a shot of Amber Stackhouse-we said that it was Jessica Dalpiaz. It’s not that we think all those Roxy girls are the same or that any photo that Brian Craighill shoots automatically has to be of his new wife Jessica. No, it was just a mistake-no hidden meanings. Sorry, Amber! Also, in that same issue, the Launch shot was Jake Blauvelt, not Lauri Heiskari. God, we suck … we should fire ourselves!

In other TransWorld news, we got a bunch of angry letters and phone calls about Pat Moore’s recent Forum ad (the one with the naked girls). That’s right, librarians were pissed and pulling the mag off shelves, and other conservative folk were up in arms. Aw, they’re just jealous! We’d also like to report that we’ve officially hired Dice-K Maru onto our senior photographer team for the 2006 season. The talented Whistler-based photographer will really beef up our sweet action for next volume, so keep your eyes peeled for his shots! TransWorld’s Chris Coyle is in a new band called Portals along with Andy Forgash-it’s been shredding eardrums all over Portland and the surrounding region. The dudes have a MySpace profile up, so paddle on over and check it out. And last but not least, Photo Editor Nick Hamilton got a sick new golf club … big whoop.

Canadians!

Canuck shred legend Ken Achenbach has reportedly bought a snowcat tour company that runs out of the Whistler area, powdermountaincatskiing.com. And down in Vancouver, Lifetime clothing has hired on Travis Parker to fill out the company’s pro snowshred team. Parker will be joining the likes of Tyler Lepore, Louie Fountain, Jon Kooley, and Leanne Pelosi wearing the hip new art-friendly duds. Oh, did we mention that retired pro dude Bobby Meeks is team manager? He’s also acting as a consultant for Nike 6.0.-well, he is, so that’s that.

Speaking of the Pac NW and companies based out of there, Option snowboards has seen a ton of moving and shaking during the recent past. With a recent change-up in management, it seems that Jon Roth is now the official Option team manager (forgive us if we already told you that-our memories are shot). And Whistler hero Chris Dufficy has signed on to the company’s pro team, as well as lady rider Jacqui Berg. Yeah, good stuff happening up north as far as we can tell.

It’s All So Exciting!

Burton photographer Jeff Curtes got hitched to fellow photog Jess Mooney recently in Australia, and the two are planning a spring move to-take a guess … yep, you were right: Portland! Also, the lovely Michele Taggart and hher proud gentleman of many years Ian Roy had a baby recently by the name of Kazlo Remi Roy. Little Kazlo popped himself out in San Jose, Costa Rica, and we hear he’s doing just fine. Jordan Mendenhall has reportedly had a little one, as well. Congratulations!

In other news, Whistler mainstay Shin Campos made his way south to meet up with Lukas Huffman and company for opening day at Mt. Baker-where Shin accidentally jumped on a skier. Nobody was hurt, but he got the season kicked off on a real dangerous foot. Yikes. Says Huffman about the incident, “Canadians!”

Also, it appears that Jared Johnson has lost all of his sponsors except Active Ride Shop … aw. However, here’s some good news: after piles of paperwork, Brit Sara Philips got her four-year U.S. visa. Yay! Oh, and former Kingpin Productions Founder Rob “Whitey” McConnaughy is the man responsible for the new Tony Hawk Pro Skater TV commercial dancing before your glazed-over eyes.

Vacationing In Bora Bora

It seems that Amen Teter has left Palmer snowboards and will be focusing his efforts on managing Team Teter this season. Which reminds us, the Teter clan had a real scare early season when Elijah landed in a rock field while riding Whistler and suffered severe internal bruising. He spent several weeks camped out in a Vancouver hospital before being released home. We’re glad he’s okay.

In other news, Brian Botts has left DC Shoes to pursue real-estate development ventures in Utah. Leanne Pelosi was vacationing in Bora Bora recently-who does that? Rumor has it that Airblaster will be designing Ski Bowl, Oregon’s mini park. And in Portland, Chris Prosser of Atmosphere fame made out with three different girls at the Nemo Halloween party and kicked a hole in the bathroom door-not bad for a pansy. Just kidding.

Quote Of The Month

“I’m more of a miracle worker then I am a photographer.”-Scott Serfas, totally serious

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• March 20 2006
• 0 views
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Let’s get this straight: Tiny Type cannot solve your relationship problems, it can’t help you feel better about yourself, it can’t make you happy if you’re not already happy on your own, and oh yeah-it can’t help you lose weight. So what good is it? Um …

Life And Times

Former CAPiTA Team Manager/Investor Pat O’Toole picked up shop in Bend, Oregon recently and moved to Edwards, Colorado, just west of Vail and Beaver Creek on ol’ I-70, to open a new snowboard shop called EMAGE Board Store (an EMAGE location already exists in Denver). The shop, somewhat fortuitously, is bellied up right next to what residents are calling one of the best new skateparks west of the Mississippi.

In other Colorado news, Nic Drago got his hip replaced-again (the first replacement was rejected by his body, rendering him a useless pile of bones and flesh). Drago was spotted a number of times on the dance floor during the fall, as well as at the skatepark. Now that it’s winter, he’s most definitely shredding the rad on that new hip.

However, we are sad to report that King Weep, a well-known and loved member of Jackson, Wyoming’s snowboard community, was in a fatal car crash in late November on his way from Salt Lake City to Jackson Hole. Our thoughts are with his friends and family.

Enough About Us, Let’s Talk About Us

Hey, did you know that we screwed up big time? Yeah, we effed up a photo credit in the January issue’s Wallpaper on a shot of Amber Stackhouse-we said that it was Jessica Dalpiaz. It’s not that we think all those Roxy girls are the same or that any photo that Brian Craighill shoots automatically has to be of his new wife Jessica. No, it was just a mistake-no hidden meanings. Sorry, Amber! Also, in that same issue, the Launch shot was Jake Blauvelt, not Lauri Heiskari. God, we suck … we should fire ourselves!

In other TransWorld news, we got a bunch of angry letters and phone calls about Pat Moore’s recent Forum ad (the one with the naked girls). That’s right, librarians were pissed and pulling the mag off shelves, and other conservative folk were up in arms. Aw, they’re just jealous! We’d also like to report that we’ve officially hired Dice-K Maru onto our senior photographer team for the 2006 season. The talented Whistler-based photographer will really beef up our sweet action for next volume, so keep your eyes peeled for his shots! TransWorld’s Chris Coyle is in a new band called Portals along with Andy Forgash-it’s been shredding eardrums all over Portland and the surrounding region. The dudes have a MySpace profile up, so paddle on over and check it out. And last but not least, Photo Editor Nick Hamilton got a sick new golf club … big whoop.

Canadians!

Canuck shred legend Ken Achenbach has reportedly bought a snowcat tour company that runs out of the Whistler area, powdermountaincatskiing.com. And down in Vancouver, Lifetime clothing has hired on Travis Parker to fill out the company’s pro snowshred team. Parker will be joining the likes of Tyler Lepore, Louie Fountain, Jon Kooley, and Leanne Pelosi wearing the hip new art-friendly duds. Oh, did we mention that retired pro dude Bobby Meeks is team manager? He’s also acting as a consultant for Nike 6.0.-well, he is, so that’s that.

Speaking of the Pac NW and companies based out of there, Option snowboards has seen a ton of moving and shaking during the recent past. With a recent change-up in management, it seems that Jon Roth is now the official Option team manager (forgive us if we already told you that-our memories are shot). And Whistler hero Chris Dufficy has signed on to the company’s pro team, as well as lady rider Jacqui Berg. Yeah, good stuff happening up north as far as we can tell.

It’s All So Exciting!

Burton photographer Jeff Curtes got hitched to fellow photog Jess Mooney recently in Australia, and the two are planning a spring move to-take a guess … yep, you were right: Portland! Also, the lovely Michele Taggart and hher proud gentleman of many years Ian Roy had a baby recently by the name of Kazlo Remi Roy. Little Kazlo popped himself out in San Jose, Costa Rica, and we hear he’s doing just fine. Jordan Mendenhall has reportedly had a little one, as well. Congratulations!

In other news, Whistler mainstay Shin Campos made his way south to meet up with Lukas Huffman and company for opening day at Mt. Baker-where Shin accidentally jumped on a skier. Nobody was hurt, but he got the season kicked off on a real dangerous foot. Yikes. Says Huffman about the incident, “Canadians!”

Also, it appears that Jared Johnson has lost all of his sponsors except Active Ride Shop … aw. However, here’s some good news: after piles of paperwork, Brit Sara Philips got her four-year U.S. visa. Yay! Oh, and former Kingpin Productions Founder Rob “Whitey” McConnaughy is the man responsible for the new Tony Hawk Pro Skater TV commercial dancing before your glazed-over eyes.

Vacationing In Bora Bora

It seems that Amen Teter has left Palmer snowboards and will be focusing his efforts on managing Team Teter this season. Which reminds us, the Teter clan had a real scare early season when Elijah landed in a rock field while riding Whistler and suffered severe internal bruising. He spent several weeks camped out in a Vancouver hospital before being released home. We’re glad he’s okay.

In other news, Brian Botts has left DC Shoes to pursue real-estate development ventures in Utah. Leanne Pelosi was vacationing in Bora Bora recently-who does that? Rumor has it that Airblaster will be designing Ski Bowl, Oregon’s mini park. And in Portland, Chris Prosser of Atmosphere fame made out with three different girls at the Nemo Halloween party and kicked a hole in the bathroom door-not bad for a pansy. Just kidding.

Quote Of The Month

“I’m more of a miracle worker then I am a photographer.”-Scott Serfas, totally serious

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• February 13 2006
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Tiny Type

Word from the design department is that TransWorld’s font size is about to get bigger. If you think about it, “Tiny Type” should probably be renamed something like “Kinda Small Type.” Bigger words on the page also means fewer words to fill up the same amount of space. Crap, we’ve already run out of room.

Keep Your Day Job

Last issue we complained about all the snowboard yuppies and their bourgeois golf obsessions. This issue, we’ve been made aware of a new pro-snowboarder hobby-and it’s one we can really sink our teeth into: hunting. “Hunting season has been going off here in Quebec,” says Benji Ritchie. “It’s something my buddies and I wait for all year. It gets me out there in the wild with my good friends from back home, and we can talk shit all day!” Guns, friends, nature, a bit of fresh blood if you’re lucky-now that’s a real man’s sport.

Speaking of Quebec, and Whistler, and people from Quebec who now live in Whistler, Priscilla Levac is reportedly now dating big-mountain big-gun Jonaven Moore, and according to sources, they are very happy and in love. Aw, our cold bitter hearts are melting! In other, completely unrelated news, we heard that Billy Anderson got a ride home to So Cal from the opening of the Brothers’ Skatepark in Mammoth by one Mister Tony Hawk. Wow, right? Well, we should also mention that the ride was in the Bird Man’s private jet.

Knuckle Pushups

Looks like Westlife Distribution, the parent company of 686 Enterprises, has fired up a new clothing brand called Sepia, which, predictably, has its very own team of heavy hitters: Cory Cronk, Casey Neefus, Sean Genovese, and Max Legendre. Keep an eye out in shred shops near you for the new Sepia gear. In other news, Giro helmets has added Olympic hopefuls Antti Autti and Tommy Czeschin to the pro team-word on the street is that they both signed two-year agreements.

As of print time, Canadian backcountry boss Jon Cartwright is board-sponsorless. Things were finished with Hammer as of last spring-and now he’s on the hunt. Seriously, get this man a sponsor before he has to start dropping 50-foot cliffs on last year’s boards! Also, our sources tell us that Nate Bozung is now working in the Electric Eyewear shipping department. We think being a pro snowboarder sounds like a whole lot more fun than that, but who are we to judge?

The Man: Keeping Them Down

It appears that the ASR trade show in San Diego has become somewhat of an annual encounter with the police for Jacqui Berg, a.k.a. “Jail Berg.” Last year, she got thrown in the slammer after a run-in with the law at the TransWorld Riders’ Poll Awards. This year, it was a charge for “resisting arrest” at the premiere of Misschief’s … As If! For such a nice young lady, she sure is racking up a record … we can’t say that we’re not proud.

However, don’t think for a second that Ms. Berg is alone in her pesky habit of getting arrested. It appears that industry marketing mainstay Sean Lake got arrested at the Great Falls, Montana skatepark while working on the Tony Hawk American Wasteland Tour and now has a warrant out for his arrest in Montana. The charge? No pads/no helmet.

Also, the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania stop of Grenade’s Smell The Glove RV tour saw Grenerd/Retard Riot lead singer Dave Schiff, Ride Team Manager Matt Sickles, and others arrested for some sort of public disorderliness. The Philly mayhem was just a drop in the bucket on what sounds like a wild, wild tour-in fact, someone got their damn arm broken at a Retard Riot show in a New Jersey snowboard shop. Not bad for a bunch of skinny honkeys, huh?

Armed Forces

A three page long, somewhat confusing press release sent out by Quiksilver recently details the following developments in the Quik empire: the company is opening a new Mountain Center headquarters in Park City, Utah, where operations for Rossignol/Dynastar/Look/Lang (one of Quik’s newest acquirements), Roxy, DC, and Mervin (Lib Te, Gnu, Bent Metal) will be based. We also learned that Roxy has partnered with Dynastar to make a new line of skis targeted to young women … hmmm. It appears that Quiksilver will be establishing a distribution center in the greater Salt Lake area, as well. Upon hearing all this news, we were most immediately concerned for the fine folks at Mervin-does this mean Pete Saari and Mike Olsen are gonna have to move to Utah? Because if that happened, our world-including everything we know of good and bad and right and wrong-would be turned on its head. But according to our sources, Mike and Pete are staying in Seattle … for now.

Speaking of industry giants, it seems that Burton has hired a new women’s team manager-none other than ex-Snowboarder Magazine Associate Editor Susie Floros. Considering that Floros has been working under Pat Bridges for a couple years, she is no doubt well versed in the art of “herding kittens”-the babysitting duties of a TM should be completely natural to her. Good luck, Susie!

Thank You Very Much

In an effort to give back to the people, Academy Snowboards has organized a scholarship program for “broke snowboarders.” The company knows it’s tough to “go to school, then go shred, and then have to go to work” and is offering two scholarships: the Merit (which gets 5,000 dollars, plus 300 dollars in gear, an invite to the exclusive Academy team photo shoot, two free weeks at High Cascade Snowboard Camp, and a two-year subscription to TransWorld) and the Recruit (which gets 2,500 in cash, 150 dollars worth of gear, plus the same as above). Now, you’ve got to be a true shredder to win the scholarship-check out academysnowboards.com for more info on how to apply and to check out last year’s winners. Really, that’s a pretty good deal-we TransWorld editors are even thinking about applying.

With all this talk of Misschief’s big-screen antics, we should also mention another crew of lady shredders out there putting it down on film-Chunkyknit Productions has released a follow-up to last season’s Dropstitch called Transfer. Continuing its focus on the European scene, the film documents things like Brit Jenny Jones taking down some decent-sized kickers with mailboxes on the landing (à– la Shaun White); The Netherlands’ Cheryl Maas dominating some man-size ledges, rails, and kinks; and even our own Victoria Jealouse picks off some AK big lines. Go here for more info: http://transfer.chunkyknit.com.

Mile High

Former CAPiTA Team Manager/Investor Pat O’Toole picked up shop in Bend, Oregon recently and moved to Edwards, Colorado, just west of Vail and Beaver Creek on ol’ I-70, to open a new snowboard shop called EMAGE Board Store (an EMAGE location already exists in Denver). The shop, somewhat fortuitously, is housed right next to what residents are calling one of the best new skateparks west of the Mississippi.

In other Colorado news, Nic Drago got his hip replaced-again (the first replacement was rejected by his body, rendering him a useless pile of bones and flesh). Drago was spotted a number of times on the dance floor over the fall, as well as at the skatepark. Now that it’s winter, he’s most definitely shredding the rad on that new hip. It’s almost like he never got hurt-congrats!

“Pornographic Snowboarding”

In case you were wondering, it turns out that snowboarders really are scumbags. A French snowboarder/sports cameraman and his friend were recently convicted of making a “pornographic snowboarding video.” Apparently, Julien Joud and his friend Jeremy Boissonnet flash cut a tape of Boissonnet and a woman having sex during a drunken night into a DVD production about snowboarding-you could only see the sex tape if you played the DVD in slow motion. The woman’s boyfriend, who works in a snowboard shop, saw the video, recognized his girlfriend, and persuaded her to take legal action. The court found the two guilty of invading the woman’s privacy and making pornography available to minors. Joud admitted that it was “a really bad idea.”

(quote of the month)

“I have a pretty flexible schedule for the winter. It revolves around me doing what ever the f-k I want to.”-Lukas Huffman

minors. Joud admitted that it was “a really bad idea.”

(quote of the month)

“I have a pretty flexible schedule for the winter. It revolves around me doing what ever the f-k I want to.”-Lukas Huffman

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• January 19 2006
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Wow, 2006. The world is getting on in years, isn’t it? Really, it’s almost an adult now. In fact, other planets its age probably have real jobs and families-they’re not just floating around the universe with nothing but shredding on the brain. Then again, those are probably the same planets that’ll die in a few years from stress-induced heart attacks, so there.

Risky Business

Elusive Salomon Team Manager Alex Pashley has officially moved from Summit County, Colorado to Portland, Oregon to work out of the company’s inter-office headquarters. We are confident that he will be wearing a tie, tucking in, and referring to himself as Mr. Pashley by the time you read this. Speaking of going places, word on the street is that Ryan Lougee has moved to Vermont to pursue a career … perhaps a design gig with Analog? Or how ’bout being a hand model. Yeah, something like that.

This just in: Iikka B ckstrà®m and Simon Chamberlain have been slapped on the Drop international team. Also, Shane Flood no longer rides for Mission Six. Why? It allegedly has something to do with Flood’s new obligation to sport his board sponsor Ride’s outerwear line instead. A Mission Six statement on the subject went something like this: “Shane is still our homie, and we wish him only the best in the future.” However, the parting of ways came too late to pull Flood’s face from Mission Six hangtags for this winter’s gear. Oh well, it’s like the company says, “Any press is good press, and Shane Flood’s marketability will continue to elevate consumer awareness of Mission Six throughout the next year.”

Spinners For Everyone!

It seems that California doesn’t get everyone, after all-Colorado has reclaimed Doran Laybourn and J.J. Thomas from their off-season lairs in Southern California. Academy up-and-comer Mike Casanova has recently moved in with his teammate Chad Otterstrom in the township of Breckenridge. Also, Otterstrom will be driving around on that Rocky Mountain black ice this winter in his brand-new 2006 Volvo-winnings from the Burton Abominable Snow Jam this past summer. The car is reportedly “beyond nice.”

While we’re talking cars, we should mention that Paavo Tikkanen traded in his Audi A6 for a pimped-out Chevy Tahoe, so even though he’s white and speaks Finnish, he’ll be that much closer to looking like a rap star. Paavo’s also been seen cruising around Cali with fellow Finn Joni Malmi, who apparently bought a brand-new Porsche Cayenne. TWS’ Annie Fast bought a used VW Passat, but she should in no way feel inferior to the aforementioned filthy rich pro snowboarders and their flashy cars.

In Tahoe news, Hannah Teter just bought a house there: “It’s so crazy buying all the jazz it needs-I don’t even like shopping anymore!” she says. Also, photographer and Trilogy Arts Founder Ruben Sanchez is reportedly opening a retail shop in Kings Beach to sell TA boards and softgoods, as well as Union bindings, Indy trucks, wheels, and bearings. Stop by and take a gander if you’re in the area.

Where’s Paris Hilton?

Apparently the latest shred marketing craze is snowboard companies partnering with non-endemic motor-sports brands. For instance, Ride has hooked up with Polaris Snowmobiles and is kicking off the relationship by giving away a 2006 Polaris 600 HO RMK sled as part of a sweepstakes on the Ride Web site. Also, randomly enough, Burton has partnered with Ducati to produce limited-edition Ducati snowboards and matching bindings for this season. We can’t wait to see photos of Jake in neon leathers flying around on a crotch rocket.

Burton threw a serious soiree in NYC as part of the brand’s World Tour and the opening of its Soho retail shop. Word had it that attendees included the à…ber-cool likes of photographer Terry Richardson, that band Clap Your Hands And Say Yeah!, actor Michael Pitt … the list of New York socialites goes on and on. Which reminds us, rumor has it that Burton’s throwing down a whopping 920,000 doollars per month in rent for the Soho store space, which adds up to eleven-mill a year-hot damn!

In other news, MFM’s The Block Hotel is on the hunt for new locations in Europe and Asia, with an apparent goal of opening four more hotels soon. Also, The Arctic Challenge is planning to throw a quarterpipe event in Beijing, China that’s equivalent in size and grandeur to the record-breaking Holmenkollen, Norway QP. Dubbed the Oakley Style Masters, the contest will be held at Badaling resort just outside Beijing, where, according to TAC Founder Terje Haakonsen himself, event organizers have found the perfect place to build a giant quarterpipe. Rumor has it that Oakley’s even kicking in the 30,000-dollar solid-gold Time Bomb watch for the first person to clear ten meters on the QP (Heikki Sorsa holds the record on the Holmenkollen one at 9.3 meters out).

Golf: It’s A Problem

We just can’t go another month without addressing the issue of golf, which is giving surfing a run for its money as the favorite obsession of pro snowboarders everywhere. Seriously, it’s all people talk about. Our Photo Editor Nick Hamilton wouldn’t stop yapping about getting to play Darrell Mathes’ dad’s country club in Lake Oswego, Oregon, while Matt Peterson reportedly got a hole in one on a five iron in Colorado. Also, photographer Jeff Potto keeps talking about how he’s been shooting a 71. What a bunch of bourgeois bastards.

As proof that golf might actually be a safer bet than surfing for certain ill-fated pro snowboarders, it turns out that while surfing somewhere in the larger So Cal area, Finnish shred-boarder Eero Niemela had to be saved by Pat Moore from a “scary monster” in the ocean. Niemela was reportedly stung by a stingray right on a major artery and had to get stitches-or, more accurately, a stitch. “Lots of blood. It was scceeerrry!” says Mr. Moore.

By the way, we have some domestic matters to attend to: Jussi Oksanen and his brand-new wife Zoe have moved to So Cal and are surfing a bunch, plus, he’s golfing every day, of course. And congrats are in order for Brandon Ruff, who just had another little one-a girl by the name of Aria. Also, Jimmy Halopoff and his wife Jackie are expecting. However, we are sad to report the recent passing away of legendary French rider Frank Screm. Frank took his own life after battling depression for several years. He was a good friend of Tom Penny’s and as talented and hard for people to understand as Tom.

Quote Of The Month

“You look stressed out-do you want to borrow my nunchucks and unwind?”-Andrew Crawford to Lukas Huffman

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• December 22 2005
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Dear December, It was nice to see you again the other day-we forgot how much we missed you. Sorry we haven’t called, but we’ve been busy, and now that you’re here again, shit’s gonna get a whole lot more hectic. How are we supposed to get out there and shred every day with all these deadlines? December, to tell you the truth, you stress us out … ah, but we can’t stay mad at you. See you soon. Love, TransWorld

Hipsters Of The World, Unite!
Legendary cinematographer Dave Seoane of Subjekt Haakonsen fame has recently moved out of his longtime home in Reno, Nevada and into the basement of Nemo Design in Portland, Oregon. He’s reportedly using the new space for editing, building furniture, and generally making a bunch of racket that drifts up and into the ears of the hard-working graphic designers upstairs.

Speaking of Portland, PDX’s Corey Smith has recently joined 24 Hour Fitness. Also, Louie Fountain and his brood pulled up stakes in Portland and moved camp back to Louie’s home state of Idaho-Moscow, Idaho, specifically. The fam sold its Portland residence, cashing in on the booming PDX real-estate market, and headed east toward the wide-open spud country in late autumn. Louie has even been letting on to a second secret house somewhere deep in Idaho sled country where he plans to hide out and film next winter. Ssshhhh.

In other exodus-out-of-Portland news, Travis Parker has relocated to a new house he bought in Tahoe, leaving his Portland property at the mercy of a rental agency as he waits for it to double and triple in value-which it probably will. Other shreds such as Amber Stackhouse, who temporarily called the PDX home for the off-season, have moved mountain-ward, too-Stackhouse decided to spend another winter in Salt Lake City working on the latest Misschief project. Those folks who are in fact staying in Portland for the winter are looking forward to having the place to themselves again, shredding through a real winter and spending a couple dark rainy days drinking Bloody Marys at Holman’s … sigh.

The Hard Hand Of Fate
Sick of the new crop of schralp films already? Keep an eye out for Trulli Love, an all-new video from our favorite flamboyant Finnish crew, which includes the likes of Heikki Sorsa, Eero Niemela, Iikka Backstrom, and the rest of ‘em. If we had to make one prediction about the movie, it would be the prevalence of astonishingly bad techno on the soundtrack. Were we right? Let us know.

Speaking of the motion-picture biz, Grenade Gloves cinematographer John Cavan got himself arrested just one night before the world premiere of the video he helped make-Smell The Glove, of course. That’s right, in keeping with all that is Cavan and Grenade, John went down to Tijuana with a posse of other ASR trade-show partygoers (including Pat Bridges, Filippo Kratter, TWS’ Chris Coyle, Mark Sullivan-sketchy lot, really) and didn’t make it back with the rest of them. Rumor has it he spent an entire night and the following day in lockup with no money to pay bail and no way for his friends to get a hold of him. Yikes, we’re glad he’s okay-if he is indeed okay.

Now, oddly enough, another Grenade foot soldier got locked up in the big house recently. This time it was one Tim “The Pinski” Karpinski. Yeah, the time was late, and the charge was vandalism (or something along those lines). He was caught red-handed scribbling a signature Pinski drawing on the side of a building or some other urban surface you’re really not supposed to scribble drawings onto-signature or no. Tim described his time in the slammer as, “Not rad at all, except that I got to watch, like, four Steven Segal movies and two Sylvester Stallone ones.”

It appears that Robbie Sell was the victim of burglary recently. Yep, his laptop and entire photo kit were gaffled, leaving him electro-gadget-less-the horror! Upset by this (and rightly so), Robbie sent out a group e-mail to his closest creative friends in search of cheap used photog equipment (the “fancy schmancy” kind) in an attempt at piecing his collection back together. We wish the best of luck to him.

On the other side of the law, Sean Kearns got strip-searched on his way through New Zealand customs at the Queenstown airport. Kearns, who was headed to NZ on a film trip for the ‘07 Forum movie, had this to say about the incident: “When you have a 300-pound Maori looking at you naked, there’s something really funny about it-you can only laugh.”

According to our sources, Ami Voutilainen has been hired on full-time at High Cascade Snowboard Camp as the “resident art guy.” Part of the first wave of Finnish shred soldiers, Ami has worked on a number of board graphics over the years and most recently helped with the filming of Kids Know Productions’ Love/Hate and Misschief Films’ … As If. In other news, TWS contributor Brooke Geery is reportedly starting a wakeskate magazine-since it’s too easy to make fun of her about this, we won’t lower ourselves to doing so. Also, Ali Goulet has allegedly retired from pro snow-shredding and is now coaching the freestyle snowboard team for Park City-and he’s stoked!

Somebody Cares About This Stuff
CAPiTA Owner Blue Montgomery was the proud recipient of a big ol’ French kiss from everyone’s favorite French Canadian, J-F Pelchat, at the Whiteout/Kids Know premiere in Vancouver, B.C. Apparently J-F accosted Blue when he wasn’t looking and laid on a big sloppy one. “I wanted to barf,” says Blue.

As part of the ever-changing gamut of pro-snowboarder vehicle ownership, we have some updates: Word on the street is that girls like Alexis Waite and Erin Comstock are buying big trucks-even bigger than those of the dudes they know-and souping ‘em up. Ah, yeah! Speaking of badass, Chris Coulter bought a Harley-he also got shoulder surgery in the off-season so he’d be shred ready come winter, as well as being signed to Scott USA’s pro team for goggs. And while we’re talking surgery, Eddie Wall got a knee scope in the fall, as well, and was seen crutching around Southern California during ASR trade show time last September.

This just in: J2 Rasmus bears a remarkable resemblance to Bruce Springsteen, according to Todd Richards. We tend to agree. Erik Leines tied the knot with his longtime lady friend. Brian Regis spent the past summer in Southern California working, randomly enough, on the set of The Bernie Mac Show. Travis Kennedy and Mitch Reed have developed their own hip-hop personalities-Shame and GT. And last but certainly not least, Mercedes Nicol has signed on with IS Design. The best of luck to everyone involved in this paragraph.
Quote Of The Month
“It hurts-both my feet and my feelings.”-Dave England on snowboarding

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• January 31 2005
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It’s December. The rain has turned to snow. Grocery stores are packed with tinsel and crappy Santa costumes. The restaurant where you wash dishes has been slammed-you come home from work every night exhausted, covered in grease, and reeking of chicken wings. None of it matters. Set the alarm for six. Pass out facedown. Get up and pull on your boots. Trundle through the winter morning. Never miss first chair. And so it goes.

Fear And Loathing

The September ASR trade show/movie premiere blowout in San Diego bore a strange resemblance to an episode of Cops this year. The TransWorld Riders’ Poll party saw Miss Jacqui Berg carted off to the state penitentiary for “attacking a bouncer,” even though it was probably more like the other way around. We’re calling her “Jail Berg” from now on. Also, the Grenade premiere let out (after several hours of open bar) onto a street full of Johnny Law, who nabbed a peaceful and pizza-eating JP Tomich by the scruff of the neck and threw him into a patrol car as an example of what would happen to everyone else if the crowd didn’t disperse. Oh yeah, and a dude got thrown through a plate-glass window across the street from the Positron premiere. Not to mention our very own Chris Coyle got shaken down by the Mexican law for mucho dinero in Tijuana on his birthday.

On the upside, Mà®tley Crà…e’s Tommy Lee was spotted at the Riders’ Poll party hanging around with one Tara Dakides. Do you think she’s read The Dirt? We better send her a copy before things get too serious. However, in what must’ve been one of the more exciting moments of his young life, Grenerd Kevin Cassillo got a compliment from Lee on his newly teased hair. “It brings back memories,” Lee reportedly said.

We Clothing celebrated its first U.S. store grand opening with a fashion show/party on the rooftop of the Standard hotel in Los Angeles. Peeps in attendance included new snowboard power couple Wille Yli-Louma and Alexis Waite, as well as Beck, Jason Lee, some actors, DJs, and the desk jockeys from Endeavour Snowboards. Max Jenke confided that he has been developing some close ties to the Russian mob to finally fund an expensive boat trip to Antarctica and a heli-boarding excursion to Eastern Russia, both stories that he and TWS Senior Photographer Scott Serfas have been unsuccessfully pitching to TWS for about four years now. Look for either the articles or the eulogies to appear in next years’ mag. Ouch-harsh.

Also at the Standard that night, J2 decided to valet park his car with all of his photo equipment safely inside. But when he went back, all the gear was gone. He was reportedly so pissed that he immediately left the party. Bystanders say, “He just drove off.”

Days Of Our Lives

Burton’s acquisition of Forum, Jeenyus, FourSquare, and Special Blend from Four Star Distribution is now all final and official. A press release stated that “each brand will remain autonomous in terms of identity, consumer following, teamriders, and product offerings.” Burton President Laurent Potdevin also said, “We’re going to give these brands the support and resources they need to reach their full potential.” All in all, it seems pretty cut and dry. But in a weird twist of fate, Forum/Jeenyus’ Evan Rose is now working for Burton in a way, even after ex-Burton employee Amy Barrett swore it would never happen because of a grudge she held for something he wrote about her in Blunt many years ago. The universe is a strange place, isn’t it?

In other Vermont news, Leigh Ault (formerly of Burton and now working at Primedia) and Nixon’s Matt Capozzi tied the knot in Burlington this fall under autumn foliage and among good friends. Also, in true Smokey And The Bandit style, Lukas Huffman and his pops drove from Vermont to San Diego for the ASR trade show in an eighteen-wheeler-that’s father-son power-bonding if we ever heard of it.

Huffman’s Nitro teammate Andrew Crawford has installed a military-type obstacle course, asell as a baseball field in his backyard so he can “burn off some energy.” While we’re on the topic of Crawfeecakes, someone stole his identity and went on a little shopping spree, buying themselves a house in San Francisco and a Dodge Viper among other things. We hope it all works out for him.

Survival Of The Fittest

Rider, writer, and man-about-town Jesse Huffman has left his home of several years in Portland, Oregon and moved to New York City for school. He’s all happily moved into Brooklyn with some other nice Vermont folk in an old coffin factory. Somebody buy that kid some back-to-school supplies!

It is with a paternal tear of pride that we announce Sketchy D’s moving out from underneath Danny Kass’s staircase in Mammoth (a nesting spot he’s inhabited for several years) and into his very own room. Aw, he’s all grown up now, isn’t he? As part of this rite of passage, or maybe for no reason at all, Dennis cut his hair short and bleached it bright blonde-he looks strangely androgynous now, if you ask us.

While we’re talking Grenerds, did you know that the final cut of Revenge Of The Grenerds wasn’t done until seven hours before the San Diego premiere? Yup, in true down-to-the-wire style, film dudes John Cavan and Jared Slater put the finishing touches on the video only seconds before hopping in the car and making the six-hour drive down to So Cal from Mammoth.

CAPiTA’s Corey Smith made some loot off his big art show this past August, only to deposit it in his bank and find out a few days later that it’d all disappeared. Where did the money go? Well, it went to pay for the back-lease fees on a car Smith doesn’t even have anymore. Goddamn, The Man can always track you down-it’s what he does best.

Goddamn Overachievers

It appears that Whistler’s own Kendra Starr has been biding time in the off-season doing stand-ins on movie sets around the Vancouver area. How nice of her, standing in all day so that the damn movie stars won’t be bothered with lighting checks and can sit in their trailers dieting and petting their hairless Chihuahuas, et cetera. Speaking of dieting, Ride rookie Justin Hebbel reportedly doesn’t eat carbs after 7:00 p.m.-something that comes highly recommended to the TransWorld staff. Let’s face it, long hours caged in the old cubicle are slowing our collective metabolism to a grinding halt.

Anyhow, happy Northwest shredder Joey McGuire reportedly packed a bunch of kids who were too poor to go to skate camp into an RV and took ‘em on a little skate tour of their own through Washington State. Good deed for the year-check.

Anyone remember the Blue Lodge? Plymouth, New Hampshire’s shredder/dirtbag-dude answer to a frat house may be no longer, but former resident Mike Parziale is upholding the legacy by making a Blue Lodge documentary to premiere back in his hometown of Andover, Massachusetts the night before Thanksgiving. Also, as part of his “Grease, Not Gas” project, Parziale drove cross-country from Portland, Oregon to New England in a “veggie fuel” truck he rigged up to run on used vegetable oil from restaurants. Scotty Wittlake, who has also converted his truck to veggie fuel, pedaled his fixed gear bike from Portland to New York (yeah, you read that right) with plans to meet up with Parziale somewhere back east.

In other Blue Lodge news, filmmaker and all-around art dude Ben Fee is rumored to be doing an internship with legendary Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson this fall at Thompson’s home in Woody Creek near Aspen, Colorado. We’re not exactly sure what the internship entails, but probably something like learning how to getting piss-drunk and shoot a six-gauge.

This Just In

DaKine bags and accessories is now sponsoring rock bands. That’s right, from The Shins and Death Cab For Cutie to The Cardigans and Interpol, DaKine is giving bands the hookup. Hey, musicians travel, too, right? Go to Dakine.com and click on the DK Music icon to get the lowdown, listen to streaming music, and download high-quality MP3s.

Looks like Mike Basich and Jason Howes have opened up a snow/skate/art shop in Colfax, Califonia called The Riders’ Union. The grand opening was in late September, with a premiere of the new Robot Food movie to kick everything off. Apparently, the shop is only carrying product designed by riders, as Basich says, “So you know you’re buying something worth buying.” You can also buy art by riders, as well as historical photos as a benefit for Boarding For Breast Cancer. For more information, check out TheRidersUnion.com.

In other news, Smith Optics has released a 16mm team film for this season. Called VHS, this DVD was filmed by Cory Smith and Gabe L’Heureux, and features the likes of Travis Parker, Eddie Wall, Scotty Arnold, Travis Kennedy, JP Tomich, and Mason Aguirre. VHS is free with the purchase of any pair of Smith sunglasses or goggles-so hook it up, dude. Also, we should mention that Mason Aguirre, Molly Aguirre, Travis Kennedy, and Steve Fisher have joined Smith’s A-team for 2004/05. In other team news, Ambiguous hired on Darrell Mathes to the snow team. Mathes-a strong addition to any team.

o streaming music, and download high-quality MP3s.

Looks like Mike Basich and Jason Howes have opened up a snow/skate/art shop in Colfax, Califonia called The Riders’ Union. The grand opening was in late September, with a premiere of the new Robot Food movie to kick everything off. Apparently, the shop is only carrying product designed by riders, as Basich says, “So you know you’re buying something worth buying.” You can also buy art by riders, as well as historical photos as a benefit for Boarding For Breast Cancer. For more information, check out TheRidersUnion.com.

In other news, Smith Optics has released a 16mm team film for this season. Called VHS, this DVD was filmed by Cory Smith and Gabe L’Heureux, and features the likes of Travis Parker, Eddie Wall, Scotty Arnold, Travis Kennedy, JP Tomich, and Mason Aguirre. VHS is free with the purchase of any pair of Smith sunglasses or goggles-so hook it up, dude. Also, we should mention that Mason Aguirre, Molly Aguirre, Travis Kennedy, and Steve Fisher have joined Smith’s A-team for 2004/05. In other team news, Ambiguous hired on Darrell Mathes to the snow team. Mathes-a strong addition to any team.

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• April 02 2004
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Tiny Type

The Farmer’s Almanac might call winter “the dead season,” but it’s really all about livin’. Up at six. Hot coffee from the gas station. First chair. Slashing ’til your legs burn. Crackers and honey for lunch in the lodge. Taking the cat track down at the end of the day. Tired and not paying attention. Catching your frontside edge. Broken wrist. Wait–what?

Robot Chris Engelsman tied the knot recently just outside Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. You know the story: Cabana wear. Bare feet. A couple dozen close friends (including Travis Parker, DC’s Brian Botts, and TWS’ own Cody Dresser). The ceremony was held on a piece of property randomly owned by the aunt of Tahoe shred Ricky Gatterdam, a fact unknown to either parties until Dresser saw Ricky at a bar on the last night of the trip–it’s a small world after all.

Also, it has come to our attention that Kody Huot–yup, Seth’s younger brother–is dating hot New Hampshire shredder Jamie MacLeod. It’s at least serious enough for the two of them to clock some airline miles in an effort to hang with each other in their respective ’hoods. The older Huot brother’s romantic status presently remains unknown. Don’t ask us why we care–you’re the one watching The Bachelor every week.

In other randomness, if you remember names like Blattner, Winfield, and Rehberg, then you’ll definitely remember Pat A. (that’s Pat Abramson). Part of the infamous Ride team during jibbing’s first revolution, Pat A. held it down in Colorado for years. And it seems that things have come full circle for Pat–he’s now returned to Colorado to take up the position of snowboard team head coach at the University Of Colorado in Boulder. He’ll definitely have the coeds handplantin’ and buttering in no time flat.

Also, a major changing of the guard went down recently on the snowboard camp front when longtime High Cascade Snowboard Camp Director Angela Jolly resigned under pretense of the job sucking the lifeblood out of her. Former K2 Team Manager Kevin English was offered the job and promptly accepted–no doubt checking his personal life at the door upon entering.

Last but not least, longtime Oregon snowboard peddlers Exit Real World have moved the location of their Portland, Oregon store from the Pearl district to northwest Twenty-third. Stop in and say hi to Missy and Brad–they rule.

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• March 03 2004
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Tiny Type

If you can convince yourself the only reason you read Playboy is “for the articles,” then it seems perfectly acceptable that you’d only pick up TransWorld SNOWboarding for Tiny Type. I mean, who cares about all the in-your-face action photography and pretty scenery when you have all this vastly interesting, very small print to wade through? So take your time, and feel free to rip out these pages and throw the rest of the mag away. We won’t be offended.

Photographer Stan Evans found himself on lockdown in the pokey this fall after a minor disagreement with his ex-girlfriend. Stan enjoyed the company of insane people and second-rate criminals during the 72-hour stay, plus a bonus weekend courtesy of the S.L.C. police department. A regular contributor to Tiny Type, Stan had only this to say about the incident: “Don’t put that shit in Tiny Type.”

After his release, Stan joined TWS’ Annie Fast and filmer Rich Goodwin on a trip up to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for the premiere of Water To Wine, a Bluebird Wax movie. As mentioned before in Tiny Type, the premiere coincided with the twenty-first birthday celebration of J-Hole’s own Travis Rice. Travis partied at a barbeque thrown by Willie McMillon, then at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar with Hana Beaman. The festivities continued at the movie premiere and then back at Willie’s, before Rice passed out in an Astro van parked in the yard. Other revelers in attendance were The Guch, Kurt Wastell, Nic Drago, Lance Pitman, and Shane Charlebois. New-homeowner Rob Kingwill couldn’t make it to the party because he was busy huffing paint fumes at his new house on the other side of Teton Pass.

While we’re talking about Jackson, we should mention that the area has seen a boom in the pro shred scene recently. Last season vans full of Grenerds passed through, as well as jets packed with Burton riders like Trevor Andrew and Keir Dillon. The local couches of Iguchi and Rice were tapped hard. Could this be the second coming of Jackson Hole? Stay tuned to find out.

A new snowboard company has been born–welcome Sapient snowboards. Rumors of a pro team consisting of Dionne Delesalle, Kurt Wastell, and Chris Coulter are bouncing around. And as one brand comes into being, another bites the dust–Mervin Manufacturing pulled the plug on Supernatural, so Matt Hammer, John Jackson, Jon Roth, and the rest of the Supernatural posse are on the sponsor hunt. Wildcat Gaetan Chanut has yet to find an appropriate board sponsor but did link up with Demon accessories. Jeez, somebody pay the man already!

Marc Frank Montoya is now representing Section outerwear, as is East Coaster Lindsey Jacobellis. The lowdown on Section runs somethin’ like this: the Bush brothers founded and ran Twist outerwear from ’90 to ’96, and it was the bomb. At some point, the Twist name changed hands and the brothers went to Analog for a few. Now the guys are back with Section, and it’ll be the dope shit.

Speaking of Marco, he and friends have acquired a second South Lake Tahoe hotel to go along with The Block–what up now? Also, has MFM started some top-secret skateard/snowboard manufacturing facility overseas? Uh, nope, not officially–but then again, you never do know.

Attention all shredders, Scott E. Wittlake has quit snowboarding professionally–he’s still going to ride, just not for money. “I’m gonna shred the hell outta that great white wave,” Wittlake was overheard saying, “But now I’m doing it when I want and where I want.” Amen to that.

Now, you know that Andy Forgash can cut it up on a snowboard, but what you might not know is that he’s quite the picture maker as well. Forgash’s latest photo venture involved doing some work for Island Records. Check out the new Auto Pilot Off CD–Andy took all the photos on the sleeve insert. Whitey is reportedly at work filming the new music video for Flogging Molly–time to plug in all that experience he gained on the Back In Black skits. And last but not least, Corey Smith had an art show in New York City and reportedly sold all but one painting. Yeah, Corey.

While we’re talking art projects, we should mention that the king of self-timer snowboard photography, Mike Basich, has a new Web site. Check it out at mikebasich.com. Also, remember Russell Winfield from jibbing’s glory days? Ah, how could you forget? Well, he’s now attending the Art Institute Of Seattle earning a fashion-design degree. Watch out, world.

Snowboard cinematography saw a huge shakeup recently when seminal filmer Brad Kremer left Kingpin Productions to work for Mack Dawg. Reportedly, Back In Black is Kingpin’s final movie as Whitey moves on to pursue work in the “real film” world. This leaves a ton of shreds out of a film crew–will rumored projects from Video Gang’s Sean Johnson and Holden’s Mikey LeBlanc pick up the slack?

In another big shakeup, big-mountain straight-liner and O.G. Scanner Johan Olofsson has parted ways with Burton and is now actively seeking sponsorship. Andrew Crawford just signed with Nitro and bought a new compound back home in Montana. In an effort to leave the past behind, Crawford is reportedly retiring his Camaro and searching for a new hot rod. Priscilla Levac is the newest addition to the Nikita pro team. Speaking of which, here’s a big question we don’t have the answer for–is boyfriend Eddie Wall buying Priscilla implants in the near future?

Justin “Destroyer” Hebbel recently became a homeowner in Salt Lake City. And Ol’ Dirty Twos, who’s been big pimpin’ in Los Angeles over the fall, came up 2,000 dollars while in Las Vegas talking to Uvex about his new pro-model goggle. J2 then proceeded to get pulled over on the ride home from Vegas for what the cop called “too many things to even list.”

In other random news, did you catch Tina Basich promoting her autobiography, Pretty Good For A Girl, on The Sharon Osbourne Show? Speaking of which, a new network called FUEL is launching GKA, the new Tina Basich-hosted half-hour series dedicated to promoting and showcasing female participation in shred-boarding and other “action sports.” FUEL is also in negotiations with Standard Films for the creation of an original snowboarding series, so keep an eye out.

The Sims Fader board series (you know, the ones with graphics featuring nearly naked porn stars that you read about in our December issue) has been featured in both Playboy and Hustler. Word on the street–autographed boards are going for 800 bucks on eBay. On the nudity tip: just after Burton ran an advertisement pledging to never use sex to sell snowboards, the company announced it was putting out a limited-edition Playboy 50th Anniversary Custom 158–complete with the bunny logo. Huh?

The Sims Fader board series (you know, the ones with graphics featuring nearly naked porn stars that you read about in our December issue) has been featured in both Playboy and Hustler. Word on the street–autographed boards are going for 800 bucks on eBay. On the nudity tip: just after Burton ran an advertisement pledging to never use sex to sell snowboards, the company announced it was putting out a limited-edition Playboy 50th Anniversary Custom 158–complete with the bunny logo. Huh?

Tiny Type

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• October 23 2003
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Tiny Type

Speaking of Mammoth, Shane Flood continues to bring his inner insanity to the outside world. Flood’s latest act of weirdness was building a coffin and installing it in his Mammoth Lakes residence for sleeping. Shane reportedly likes to sleep in the coffin because, “No one can bother me.”

It’s official; mini-man Shaun White is “Doing The Dew” after signing a sponsorship contract with the massive beverage conglomerate early this fall. Now that he has several-million liters of Mountain Dew stocked in his garage, what do you give to the boy who has it all? White celebrated his seventeenth birthday with a little get-together at his house in Carlsbad, California, and gift items reportedly ranged from a 30-gig iPod to a brand-new scooter and a remote-control monster truck. In true Shaun style, he seemed much more hyped on the toy monster truck than he was on the new Lexus he just bought this summer.

While we’re talking birthdays–TWS Rookie Of The Year Zach Leach turned 24 on the evening of Grenade’s Night Of The Living Shred premiere at the Hard Rock in downtown San Diego. It was a night few will forget–or remember completely. Drinks were on Jack’s Garage, so Leach (along with 250 of his closest friends) made good use of the open bar, and everyone had fun–except Danny Kass, who couldn’t get into his own movie premiere because he wasn’t 21 yet. Blatant ageism if you ask us.

Grenade’s female contingent, the notorious Hana Beaman, turned 21 this fall. Beaman and her crew celebrated at a rented house on Convict Lake just outside Mammoth, California. The theme was cowboy, so everyone wore jeans and button-ups, drank Old West style, and ate plenty of Mexican food. Surprisingly, only one person almost drowned–good thing Travis Rice and The Pinski know how to do mouth to mouth.

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• February 11 2000
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The Vans Triple Crown in Vail, Colorado left a bad taste in Kurt Wastell’s mouth, or maybe it was the sight of seeing Chad Otterstrom standing on a chair, doing a striptease. Kurt had to throw up all over a Colorado tavern to get rid of it. Next time try a little mouthwash. At least he didn’t witness J.F. Pelchat doing the full monty in Tina Basich’s room. Speaking of the full monty, Jason “Sky Thunderballs” McAlister has been supplementing his income lately, performing stripteases at unsuspecting Mormon girls’ bachelorette parties.

Whitey and cars still do not mix, despite the fact that after seven years, he finally has a driver’s license again. While on a nice, quiet Sunday drive through Southern California, he got off on the wrong freeway exit and ended up in a neighborhood that, “made the movie Boys In The Hood look like a frickin’ frat party.”

How’s this for carnage: Mike Basich fell on his face in Europe and broke his lower jaw, but that’s nothing eight weeks of drinking meals out of a straw and four feet of steel wire won’t fix. B.J. Leines broke his wrist, but is going to get worked on by the same surgeon who fixed famed motocrosser Jeremy McGrath’s wrist. Not to be out done by his older brother, Eric Leines went out and broke a vertebra in his back. J.F. Pelchat experienced one of the worst pains known to man, tearing his Achilles tendon. Neil Goss broke his arm, and Lael Gregory has forever ruined his chances of having a lucrative modeling career after he broke his nose for the seventh time. Photographer Jeff Corbett broke his leg snowmobiling early season in the backcountry near Whistler. According to field reporter Sean Johnson, Corbett took a wrong turn down an icy slope and was pitched over a mound in the middle of the trail. He lay there in the snow with no help for twenty minutes. “We didn’t know he was hurt. We saw him get up after he fell, so we assumed he was okay.” It turned out that he was screaming in pain the entire time, but the roar of fifteen snowmobiles drowned out his cries for help. Corbett later told Sean, the only reason he got up, was to unwrap his broken leg from the handlebar. Two hours later he was flown out by a helicopter, and taken to the hospital. The final prognosis, four broken bones below the knee. Ace bandage wishes and ibuprofen dreams go out to all the above people on the injured reserved list.

Tyler Lepore finally cut off that cluster of twigs, grass, and dirt he called hair, and immediately benefited from his change in appearance, for the next day he ended a prolonged drought and spent the entire night doing it all for the nookie.

Gabe Linn is spending another winter in Mammoth, smokin’ grits and trying to try to get away from the lumberjack image that has been following him around since he left Oregon. He’s also looking for a board sponsor with a dental plan. Seth Wescott has signed with Oxygen snowboards and Joni Mak has signed on with Option snowboards. Jordan Mendenhall has been spotted at various events chillin’ with the World team and is rumored to have signed onto their am team.

After tons of hype, Forum has revealed plans to release their own line of boots for the 2000/01 season, and their entire snowboard team dropped their other boot sponsors to rock ’em. Forum also plans to release a team video, with cameos of rap artists and supermodels. Old Dirty Kearnso will be in charge of content of this NC-17-rated flick, so you know it will be good. Look for updates on the video, in the Yellow Snow section of this mag.

DC continues to power up their snow team with the recent addition of Mr. Josh Dirksen. Aside from a huge cash incentive, Josh will also be receiving three jars of Power Bait, treble hooks, and several different sizes of Banjo Minnows.

Twist is now making boots; no word yet on who they have in mind for their team.

Country bumpkins Shaun Palmer and Glen Plake have a friendly wager going that neither will ever own a computer in their lifetime. If Palm knew of the availability of porn on-line, do you think he would change his mind?

Skier and extreme personality Brad Holmes, along with photographer Dave Norehad, has released his own brand of perfume called Attitude by Holmes. If you smell something funny when you’re riding up the gondola at Squaw Valley, don’t even trip, there’s probably just a little Attitude floating in the air. If you smell like funk and need something to cover it up, visit his Web site at attitudebyholmes.com.

The Gathering Of The Goddesses seminar is set for April 2, 2000. The seminar will take place at Snowbird, Utah, and is rumored to be more fun than Lilith Fair. Contact Candy Harris at (714) 434-7467 ext. 16.

A quick bitterness update, Sean Johnson needs a woman. Any available women can e-mail him their number and a picture to skateboardcanada.com.

Peak Adventures, located just 26 miles east of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, has started a snowcatboarding operation in the St. Joe Mountains. Call (208) 682-3200 for information and/or reservations.

411 Skateboard Video Magazine is finally getting their feet wet, and will be making 411 Snow with the help of Todd Franzen. In case you’re a newcomer to the sport, Todd is an ill snowboarder from back in the day, so you know he won’t be putting anybody with wack styles in this vid. Look for it at your local snowboard shop or call (714) 641-7037.

Not waiting to be washed before starting to film are Alaska rippers Jason Borgestede and Jesse Burtner, who, along with Boarderline snowboard shop, released a snowboard/skateboard video, titled 100 Percent order it from Borderline at (907) 349-9931.

Marc Frank bought a Cadillac and gave us a few ideas about what he has going for it. “I don’t even know what’s gonna happen to that thing, boy. I’m slamming that motherf–ker. It’s gonna be the

F–kedupist lowrider you ever seen.” Apparently this is a good thing. When finished, his ’87 Brougham four-door, with 12,000 original miles, will be equipped with hydraulics, a boomin’ stereo, and chrome Daytons with spokes. It’s probably safe to say, he won’t be bumpin’ Will Smith in this ride.

And with that ghetto fabulous last paragraph, we conclude this version of Tiny Tiznype.

Tiny Type

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• October 09 1999
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Tired of sour fruit that just ain’t ripe? Looking for something dope to put in your pipe? You’d best get ready for all the hype. Welcome to the latest edition of Tiny Type.

Has anyone seen Juha Tenkku? Is Burton finished with the Finnish? Maybe he will pursue his former claim to fame as a member of the Finnish Mafia. At press time we received unconfirmed reports that Juha is “no longer on the Burton A Train,” and that he’s “slangin’ doja“¿whatever that means. Burton’s Joe Curtes took home a cool G in the hot 91-degree weather in his hometown’s annual halfpipe event at Tyrol Basin this summer. Punk-rock band Deathled provided entertainment at the contest, as Selema Mbena (a.k.a. Sal) Masekela pounded brews with various snowboarding editors. You’ll find contest photos in this issue’s Great Lakes story.

Rossignol’s red rooster is changing their roster (try saying that ten times fast) by dropping two American riders, Blue Montgomery and Dave Basterrachea. The current team riders include, Paavo Tikkanen, Doriane Vidal, Jonas Emery, Tony Roos, Pascal Imhof, Nita Arpiainen, and Pauline Richon. The North American Rossignol rulers include Andrew Crawford, Dionne Delesalle, J.F. Pelchat, Jeremy Jones, and Ron Chiodi. To round out the diverse international team, composed of thirteen riders from six different countries, is Gaku Nagata of Japan. Why isn’t Matt Cass starting any fires for Ignition? We called them for a jump start and learned that they’re not into supporting a snowboard team through the millennium. They freed up all kinds of stompers, who shall float around board-sponsorless. Snow destroyers Phouty Vongslay, Sandy Theys, Mike Gallo, and Jason Robinson could all use your help in finding a new board company to call home. Matt Cass may no longer have Ignition, but he’s still got a ride with Joyride. Matt will be lucky to see some green from Joyride after Ali Goulet gets through with them. If you’ve ever had the chance to watch Matt blast out of the pipe, you’ll agree he’s worth his weight in beer. Jimmy Halopoff, Noah Salasnek, Nate Cole, and Brad Scheuffele are all on the MLY ticket. Could this be the next Super Four? We’ll have to wait and see. Signing with Volcom, Mikey LeBlanc is the latest to proclaim, “Youth against establishment!” The following Ambiguous news is, well … ambiguous. Brian Thien is now down with Ambiguous. He’s joining other impressive homies Taylor Harper, Matt Piercey, Steven Simmons, Matt Brewer, Don McNames, David Patterson, Johnny Noel, and Adam Dambrackas. They might have some kill new clothing gear coming out for the holidays, but again, we’re not sure. The following riders step in for Shimano: Adam Hostetter, Shannen Haymes, Bobby Meeks, Ami Voutilainen, Peter Coppleson, Cody Dresser, Snow Petersen, Sky Rondenet, and Jason Schutz. No word on the truth behind the rumor that Shimano’s next innovation will be Velcro step-ins.

Are pro snowboarders going the way of the rock star? They might party like them. A few, like Jean “Babs” Baptiste Charlet (of Nidecker), and Mathieu Vannoo (of Hammer), are even in rehab. Like Rick James, these guys are seeking “help” with their snow problems. It took ten screws to put Babs’ leg back together after an ice block jumping mishap, and Vannoo’s ankle is recovering from being straight screwed. Where do these posh posh athletes go for rehab? Why, the beach. Reserved for top French athletes, Capbreton (the clinithe guys are doing time in) is in Hossegor, France, located near La Piste surf break. Despite a 10:30 p.m. curfew and multiple warnings about being kicked out of the clinic (those testy French), the boys stole away from the sterile, sedate walls of the facility long enough to enjoy a barbecue à la France. Vianney Tisseau, this month’s cover contributor (from the French Snow Surf magazine), joined the crew partying down at Buffalo’s house with Axel “King of the Hill” Pauporte in Hossegor. The 1999 King of the Hill champion had much to celebrate. On top of it being his birthday, Axel was also celebrating the recent purchase of a new beach house on a golf course. “Can he play guitar?” was Axl Rose’s response upon hearing the news. After Buffalo’s rolling BBQ fest, the entire crew was ready to check into a different rehab clinic for new problems … check the photo!

Brandon Bybee is joining pimp playaz Jeremy Jones, Russell Winfield, and Jeremy Baye, who are all down with Alphanumeric. Andrew Crawford, Ali Goulet, Chad Otterstrom, Mikey LeBlanc, Todd Richards, Tyler LaPore, Josh Dirksen, Blaise Rosenthal, and a host of others will be featured in Whitey’s new film, The Revival, coming straight from the editing rooms of Kingpin Productions. If you can’t attend the film’s premiere at the Alphanumeric party in San Diego at the ASR trade show in September, it will be popping up at The Bagdad in Portland, Oregon; The House Of Blues in Chicago, Illinois; and various venues to be announced. For more information on obtaining your own copy, call 1-800-727-6689.

Michi, Michi, Michi. What are you thinking, man? You can’t waltz around town with that kind of stuff. We are glad to hear Mr. Albin’s “customs” problems have been seeded out. We’ll keep an eye out for him now that he’s allowed back on U.S. soil. Watch for Michi in Cinemaseoane’s latest release, Haakon Faktor. Other guys who do cool stuff on snow for Dave’s fall feature include, Craig Kelly, Johan Olofsson, Bryan Iguchi, Jeff Anderson, and many other of Terje’s amigos.

The Forum 8 have been spending serious time filming with Mack Dawg for his latest feature, Technical Difficulties. Each team rider has upped the ante and thrown one cool G into a pool that will be awarded to the rider with the sickest video segment. The winner will be voted for by his teammates, winner taking all. Eight riders equal eight different votes, right? Well, if there’s an eight-way tie for the prize money, Team Manager Steve Ruff, along with filmmaker Mike McEntire, will make the final decision. T.D. will be out this month.

Salomon has added David Pitschi to their already high-quality team of snow vandals. Even though Michele Taggart charged a little too hard in Mammoth this spring, the Salomon sweetie is recovering from having her leg diced up by the doc, and expects to be ready for the first dump of millennium pow. Strap on your deck, charge at a mound of snowflakes, and flip twice over teakettle, and maybe you too will be able to afford a ranch outside of Whistler in Pemberton, British Columbia. Super-hucker Mike Michalchuk has pulled himself away from filming with Adventurescope long enough to pick up a cherry piece of real estate. Rancher/snow gymnast? After Momentum is released the super-Canadian will be pushin’ hay and shovelin’ manure. Sounds like fun. How soon before the bugger goes for three? What the hell is Salomon paying those kids? Also a new home owner, Minna Hesso bought a pad in Verbier, Switzerland. Ka-ching!

Ka-ching, ka-ching! You want to know how mo’ money can be yo’ money? Show up in Telluride, Colorado, if it still exists after the millennium meltdown, for the ISF Snowboard World Championships in 2000. From January 8¿15, sponsors will be tossing around over a quarter of a million dollars to the riders with the biggest balls and/or ovaries, and most corrupt/clever team manager. If you need help getting there, call Telluride at 1-888-827-8054, or for competition info call the ISF at 43-512-342834. If you are still looking for more information, try scoping the Internet sites www.2000worlds.com, www.telski.com, or www.isf.net. We’ll see you there.

When was the last time you said, “Let’s go sesh a snowcat operation in Western Canada”? Thanks to the beautiful people at White Grizzly Snowcats, that dream can be realized a tad bit easier. Located in British Columbia’s famous Kootenay Valley, the new operation charges 285 dollars a day. Call 1-800-843-5557 for more information.

Imagine how gnarly it would be to snowboard year round. The kids in Anaheim, California, are stoked that the Gotcha Glacier is now under construction. The first North American indoor snow recreation area, is slated to open January 2001. Get more information at: (949) 580-6775.

Being the wonderfully charitable guy that he is, J.P.Walker donated the snowboard that he received as an award from the MTV Winter-House Big-Air contest to a charity auction broadcast on the music network. J.P. did a post-auction interview and was stoked to have his board rake in more change than a Ken Griffey Jr. baseball. Ahhh, snowboarding, apple pie, and mom¿life is so chinnalicous!

When was the last time you said, “Let’s go sesh a snowcat operation in Western Canada”? Thanks to the beautiful people at White Grizzly Snowcats, that dream can be realized a tad bit easier. Located in British Columbia’s famous Kootenay Valley, the new operation charges 285 dollars a day. Call 1-800-843-5557 for more information.

Imagine how gnarly it would be to snowboard year round. The kids in Anaheim, California, are stoked that the Gotcha Glacier is now under construction. The first North American indoor snow recreation area, is slated to open January 2001. Get more information at: (949) 580-6775.

Being the wonderfully charitable guy that he is, J.P.Walker donated the snowboard that he received as an award from the MTV Winter-House Big-Air contest to a charity auction broadcast on the music network. J.P. did a post-auction interview and was stoked to have his board rake in more change than a Ken Griffey Jr. baseball. Ahhh, snowboarding, apple pie, and mom¿life is so chinnalicous!

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• September 01 1999
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By The Tiny Type Writers

By the time you read this it will be September, we’re writing it in May and it’s still snowing just about everywhere. Even though you poor bastards out there on the E-side actually got some powder days thanks to the late blooms, Jay Peak’s 332 inches and Killington’s longest season boast of October 22 through Memorial Day weekend just couldn’t compete. Thanks to El Niño’s cheap little sister La Niña, the ‘98/99 season might go down as the winter that never ended. Jackson Hole put in another record-breaking season of snowfall with over 540 inches. If you kept score, that’s more snow than your home mountain got unless you were living in the Pacific Northwest. Before you start packing your bags and calling your buddy “the Guch” to tell him you’re moving in with him, consider Mt. Baker as a possible place of residency. Among other places in that region, Baker broke the World Seasonal Snowfall record with more than 1,100 inches of precious pillow plow-pow flakes. Our own unshakable and unimpressable Senior Editor Dave Sypniewski did Baker lines with Volume 13, Number 2 interviewee Temple Cummins that neither ever dreamed possible.

Kevin Jones is making sure he doesn’t go out like Cher’s ex-hubby. K.J. has taken time off of dodging avalanches and spinning like a top on a cold kitchen floor long enough to sign a brain-bucket deal with TSG helmets. If you too don’t mind helmet hair, keep an eye out for Kevin’s pro model in the near future. Moms will be more than happy to throw down some kibby for a camo helmet like the one K.J. was wearing in last years’ X-Games. TSG is working on a snow-specific “skate-style” helmet for next season.

Dean “Blotto” Grey is giving up his aspirations of achieving pro status, putting the goals of a professional snowboarding photographer’s exorbitant salary on hold, and leaving his little buddy E-stone to hold down the Tech Nine joint with Blue Montgomery, while he (Blotto) takes over as team-travel coordinator. Blotto will be the man responsible for bringing talented riders to your home mountain. Hey, Blott, can you bring Terje to the Chuck E. Cheese on Ventura Blvd. in North Hollywood on July 15? It’s my little brother Ricky’s birthday and I promised him he’d get to meet the gnarly Norwegian. Thanks.

The Salomon team pretty much dominated in Davos last spring and was named the overall ISF Tour winners. Mike Michalchuk hucked to third place after leading the whole season, only to be out-championed by World Champion Daniel Franck. Don’t feel too bad for Mike, he ended up winning the U.S. Grand Prix tour instead. The third time wasn’t the charm for Salomon’s leading lady Minna Hesso, who after three years of being in the number-two spot said that it’s “getting a little old in that second spot, and I would like to win it first.” Maybe 2000 will be a luckier number than three for Minna. The Option/NFA team showed up to the Westbeach Classic this April, taking home second and third in the big air. Andrew Hardingham, who took second, is the only Option/NFA rider to escape the season injury-free. Kevin “Stands Alone” Sansalone placed third behind Andrew before taking a board to the knee while snowmobiling/filming. Even Team Manager Chad Perrin broke some ribs while at the WB Classic. A week later, Jason Chatfield blew out his shoulder at Hood during Snow Job. Who is responsible for the curse that must have been placed on the Option team? Hardingham’s days are numbered. It’s only a matter of time before the curse strikes him-he’s a marked man, don’t ride on a chairlift with him if you value your life.

In the unofficial battle between Todd Richards and Jason Brown for who is the bigger Star Wars fan, Vegas odds are on J. Brown. Back in May wheprivate screenings of The Phantom Menace were flying around like blaster fire in a magnetized garbage bin, Richards waited patiently for a pre-premiere private cast-and-crew screening at the infamous Mann’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. In swooped Brown with a brand-new Burton deck, bindings, and boot setup to “buy” a ticket off of a roommate’s friend’s girlfriend’s brother for a screening in Salt Lake just a few days before Todd enjoyed the Hollywood bash. Now Todd got to see cast and crew, got the whole Hollywood E! for exclusive, E! for exciting, E! for egomaniacal tinsel town Entertainment Tonight treatment-but Jason did throw down over one-thousand-dollars’ worth of Burton product. Oh yeah, Jason gets that shit for free. Somebody call our bookies, I think Vegas has figured the point-spread wrong. Either way, by the time you read this you will probably have already seen The Phantom Menace and can decide for yourself if Todd and Jason were the luckiest guys in the world or the dorkiest.

Gabe Crane is no longer being exploited by World Industries. He’s over snowboarding, or at least his broken back is, I mean his collapsed lung is over it, no wait, I mean his blown ankle is way over it. Anyway, by the time you read this he should be the next Ironman triathlon champion. The California native is taking time away from snowboarding to rehab from his injury riddled season. How’s your ACL? What the hell is an ACL? If you’re a Burton Team member, you’re not only bustin’ your ass to make your fellow teammates proud, but you’re also bustin’ the ligaments in your knee going way huge on a regular basis. Jim Rip-My-ACL-Apart Rippey joined teammates Maelle Ricker and Leslee Olson, who are also “ACL-less.” The ACL must be the pussy ligament in the knee, because Option/NFA rider Sean Astop should have stopped before blowing out his as well. Circe Wallace, Bobby Meeks, and Josh LeVine went under the knife and can join the “I’ve got a scar on my kneecap club” that pro riders just seem to fall for. Pun intended. The word hypochondriac and the name Bobby Meeks seem to get uttered in one breath on a regular basis. Subtle-rider Bobby insists he’s not an old woman, and that when he feels sick he actually is. For instance, take one evening last May. Bobby swore that his tummy was hurtin’ real bad. Aww, it’s just food poisoning, you big baby, get over it. Well, six days in the hospital and a lovely six-inch scar (located just above his Speedo line) later, and surgeons had removed an unhealthy section of blocked intestine. Send rabbits’ feet, four-leaf clovers, ancient tantra charms, or just some good old healthy luck Bobby’s way if you get a chance. Those who were concerned with Santa Cruz rider/Seattle rocker Arlie Carstens after he broke his neck this past February can breathe a sigh of relief. Arlie finally got to remove the bulky halo hardwear he’s been wearing and is now in rehab. On another up-note, his band Juno just released their first full-length recording. By the way, Arlie’s natural halo is still intact.

Guess who doesn’t give a shit about authority? Do you know who believes that every booter in the world is his to poach? Guess who is having the U.S. Open change its name to the U.S. Closed to Jonas? Until that last one you probably could have answered any Canadian’s name, but the one in question is K2’s Jonas Guinn. The wacky snowboarder has been permanently banned from the Open for poaching the big air twice during the finals. Way to go, you little anarchist. Team Savard has the youngest ruler ever recorded. Sponsored by dad (Brian), Jordan Savard was caught doing a switch backside stalefish seven to burp puke. In a post-sesh interview, the three-month old had this to say, “I’ll be working on landing my poo in the toilet next.”

MIA signed Dave Cashen, who joins Erich Rehbein, Nick Francke, and Eric Kovall, who have all achieved the highly coveted A-team status for MIA. The MIA B-team has been increased by the power of one, Scott Ensminger of South Lake Tahoe. Welcoming him with halfway open arms are Helli Wacker, Brian Barb, Lorn Davies, and Mikki Tutsch, who compose the rest of MIA’s B-team. Tara Dakides is more than just ASS, and so is Jeremy Jones, and Russell Winfield would never think about being only ASS. The one thing that all these assy people have in common is that their ASS isn’t their only attribute. Sims woman Tara has a nice ASS, is a new member to team ASS, and kicks ASS-now that’s a lot of ASS. Jeremy and Russell’s ASSes may not look as good as Tara’s, but that didn’t matter to ASS Industries, which has picked all of them up for their hardwear pro team. The am squad is growing, with new riders who still need to work on achieving high-quality ASS. Jeff Douglass, Jim Smith, and Ben Davies will all work on getting their ASSes in shape on the amateur team. If you’re still riding on factory-standard hardware and are burdened by carrying around the tools we give away free for subscribing, then maybe it’s time to grab a little piece of ASS! in the toilet next.”

MIA signed Dave Cashen, who joins Erich Rehbein, Nick Francke, and Eric Kovall, who have all achieved the highly coveted A-team status for MIA. The MIA B-team has been increased by the power of one, Scott Ensminger of South Lake Tahoe. Welcoming him with halfway open arms are Helli Wacker, Brian Barb, Lorn Davies, and Mikki Tutsch, who compose the rest of MIA’s B-team. Tara Dakides is more than just ASS, and so is Jeremy Jones, and Russell Winfield would never think about being only ASS. The one thing that all these assy people have in common is that their ASS isn’t their only attribute. Sims woman Tara has a nice ASS, is a new member to team ASS, and kicks ASS-now that’s a lot of ASS. Jeremy and Russell’s ASSes may not look as good as Tara’s, but that didn’t matter to ASS Industries, which has picked all of them up for their hardwear pro team. The am squad is growing, with new riders who still need to work on achieving high-quality ASS. Jeff Douglass, Jim Smith, and Ben Davies will all work on getting their ASSes in shape on the amateur team. If you’re still riding on factory-standard hardware and are burdened by carrying around the tools we give away free for subscribing, then maybe it’s time to grab a little piece of ASS!

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• April 01 1999
• 28 views
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By Those Fun Luvin’ Associate Editors

Tiny Goodbyes

Sad that we’re leaving you so soon? “But we were just getting to know each other,” you say. “Where are you going?” you plead. Well, we’ll tell ya, little monkey … WE’RE GOING SNOWBOARDING! Ahhhh hah hah hah hah! Wooooooooooo! Goodbye So Cal temperature-controlled warehouse stale-air-having cubicle-city hell! Phbttttttttt! We’re free! We’re free!

Thanks to the graciousness of the big kahunas in charge here at TWS, selected members of the editorial staff will be accompanied on our winter travels this season with laptop computers that actually work. So if you all start to miss us, we’ll be fooling around online until the snow stops falling. Those of you with the resources to own a computer and access to the Internet should take a moment to reflect on the fact that some people in this country can’t afford to eat, so you’re pretty stoked and shouldn’t have much to complain about. Then go to www.twsnow.com and check out our “snowboarding super-site”-hell, bookmark it. It’s gonna be a party.

All right. Let’s get this shit over with. Ingemar made his pro comeback by taking first place and winning 50,000 dollars and a fancy expensive automobile at the Air & Style, but hopefully you read about that in our Variables column last month. Tina Dixon is going to be/already has been (we’re writing this in December, you won’t read it ’til March-who knows when things really happen) on the cover of Maxim magazine. In between designing his signature Technine binding, hanging with Sammy the dog, and shredding, Ali Goulet assaults the Audi racing world-this time with the triple-roll-over of his brand-new car. Ali, being a seasoned professional driver, walked away from the wreck with no cuts, breaks, or bruises. Technine/686 Enterprises rider/entrepreneur E-Stone is missing in action. Last words: “Screw this small-time shit. I’m going into big business.” KUUSPORT would like to publicly congratulate its rider, Katherina Himmler of Germany for placing first at the Swatch BX (boardercross) World Cup in Solden, Austria, and Wille “Bloody Tiger” Yli-Luoma is quite possibly the craziest driver in the whole world.

The ISF wants you all to know that they neither condone, nor have anything to do with, the creation and distribution of any of the anti-FIS stickers currently circulating about the industry. Because the ISF doesn’t want to perpetuate the antagonism, we don’t know what the stickers say, but it has something to do with putting-down competitors who’ve switched federations.

Whiteface Mountain in New York bought a Pipe Dragon and has a lift-serviced pipe that is rumored to be “bigger than Killington’s.” Or it will be as soon as it starts snowing in the East. Big Sky has a new park and pipe that’s open to both skiers and snowboarders-we’d worry, but it’s Montana and nobody up there gives a crap what you’ve got strapped to your feet. Montana’s also just given birth to the newest ski area in North America. It’s located on the west side of Flathead Lake and is described as “a family place.” Ross Peterson says, “The terrain probably rips.”

Windell’s Snowboard Camp is holding winter snowboard camps for all ages and ability levels. You may have already missed the weekend camp at the end of February, but four more week-long camps are being held throughout the month of March, and from April 29 through May 5. Call 1-800-765-7669, fax (503) 622-4582, or e-mail windcamp@teleport.com for more information.

“Don’t make it look like my friends are pussies.”-Dave Boyce. Ahem … A posse of Seymour kids, including Dave Boyce, Kevin Sansalone, Derek Scott (or Derek and Scott), Johnny Q, and Swaro were accosted after a party at Whistler by some shady youths wielding bottles. Everyone knows that fighting ishe last resort of the weak-minded, so the Seymour kids cleverly avoided the conflict and boldly sauntered to Boyce’s place for more nonviolent partying. At the end of the evening, the posse bade Dave farewell and strode outside to become victims of a surprise attack. The aforementioned shady youths jumped the posse before they knew what was happening. Had they been prepared, the Seymour kids-being as manly and tough as they are-surely would have triumphed. Unfortunately, though, Sansalone was knocked out cold, Johhny Q’s nose got broken, and Derek had to have his ear sewn back together. Apparently, for one week in September, a bunch of resorts in Colorado offered 200-dollar season passes. Of course instead of getting shitty ski-corp jobs to get free lift access, many locals bought the season passes and got better-paying jobs closer to home, so now a bunch of resorts are understaffed. Or they were when this was written. And that’s the story. You can borrow it sometime, but you’ll have to pay us a dollar.

Congrats go out to Burton team members Jeff Anderson, Trevor Andrew, Jason Brown, Chris Brown, Cara-Beth Burnside, Joe Curtes, Dave Downing, Shannon Dunn, Derek Heidt, Bryan Iguchi, Leslee Olson, Maelle Ricker, Natasza Zurek, Team Manager Barry Dugen, and Team Photographer Jeff Curtes, who are all now proud holders of Level One Avalanche Awareness certificates. They all took an intensive week-long avalanche certification course in Cataldo, Idaho early season in order to self-educate and promote backcountry awareness, so we suggest you follow their lead.

According to SnowSport Industries of America, 3,700,000 people in North America alone snowboard, so I guess we can’t claim “underground” anymore. However, while you’re out fooling around this winter, remember that once upon a time, in the early years of skateboarding and snowboarding, people didn’t rely on big corporate magazines to dictate what their world was about. All they needed was a point-and-shoot camera, some paper, a pen, a glue-stick, a Xerox machine, and a little imagination. (Actually, this still happens in skateboarding.) If snowboard culture keeps going down the boring road to snoozeville like it is now, we’re holding you all personally responsible. Reality is what we all make of it-so make something. And then send it in here c/o Tiny Type and we’ll help you get it out to the people-word-of-mouth style. Nike don’t read Tiny, dig?

If Jaime Macleod rides for Forum, doesn’t that make it the Forum 9? Tim Ostler is riding for Smith. Travis Byerly is riding for Ride. Adam Hostetter and apparently Ami Voutilainen are clicking-in now for Shimano Snow Technologies. Annie Fast got moved to Airwalk’s B team. Brodi Dowell is riding for Zeal optics. Luke Wynen has signed to Sims’ pro team. A bunch of riders are sponsored by Sugar Bowl (Tahoe). Props to that resort for hooking so many riders up. Bruno Musso is riding for himself now. We’re going to miss you, Bruno. Risto Scott is riding for M3 (MLY). Dionne Delesalle has been riding for Rossi for a while now, but we forgot to announce it. Oops. And last, but not least, the lineup for the new Seven team is as follows: Jason Brown, Jeff Anderson, and Rahm Klampert in North America; Christian “Gigi” Ruf and Sani Alibabic in Europe; and Narufumi “Bear” Yoshimura and Yoshinari “UE” Uemura in Japan. So now you know.

Morgan LaFonte and the Make A Wish Foundation granted a wish to a young girl in eastern Washington with a terminal illness. The girl, Natalie, wanted to spend a day with Morgan more than anything else, so Morgan took her riding December 30. For those of you younguns who don’t know, Morgan is one of the original badasses, and anyone who disagrees can step.

Aspen Skiing Company is implementing a boycott of Atlantic swordfish in all its on-mountain and hotel restaurants until an adequate federal recovery plan has been implemented or declining swordfish populations have recovered. Publicity stunt, maybe-they’re claiming that “it’s estimated that at present rates of depletion, swordfish will become commercially extinct by the year 2005,” so it sounds kind of serious. No life-form on this planet should ever go extinct because humans are wasteful f-ks. Call Aspen at (970) 923-8770 if you want to find out more.

If you need help planning a ski vacation this winter, the folks at www.skiresorts.com and www.skitops.com (two completely separate organizations thrown in the same sentence for convenience) would like you to know they’re available to help you spend your money. Snowboarding didn’t make it into Nickelodeon’s “All-Star Sports” theme issue again this year. Damn. Burton is holding a women’s demo tour-essentially demo days for women to check out Burton’s women-specific products-at Big Bear, California, February 27; Hunter, New York, March 27; and Boarding for Breast Cancer, Sierra-at-Tahoe, California, April 27. Burton will make a donation for breast-cancer research for every board demoed. Nixon Watches is online. They think they’re all hot now ’cause Eric Clapton bought one of their watches in Europe. Big deal. It’s not like it was Method Man. You can check out their goods at www.nixonnow.com

The first snowboard video in history to be released in DVD (digital video-the latest technology where you can skip non-linearly around the video like a CD) is going to be FLF’s (Fall Line Films) last two movies, Kapow! The Mountain Adventure and Ticket to Ride. (Yes, two for the really expensive price of one.) We accidentally didn’t review Kapow! in our January issue-it features the riding of Jason McAlister, Kevin Jones, Marcus Egge, John Sommers, Rocket Reeves, Karleen Jeffery, and others.

On the way to the Vans Triple Crown in Breckenridge, Colorado the K2 team, driven by E-tree, was pulled over on I-70 at Copper Mountain by a cop who’d been trying to flag them down since Vail. Having been clocked at 81 mph while swerving all over Vail Pass (from checking out lines off the side of the road, of course) the irate officer was about to write them a nasty ticket when an elderly couple pulled up and forced the cop to leave and tend to a real roadside emergency. You can ask the K2 team about this, and anything else you’re curious about-from trick tips to relationship status to why Brodi Dowell isn’t pro yet-on K2’s Ask A Pro Web site (www.k2snowboards.com/scene). Ask Lance Pitman how to do a backside 360, it’s his favorite question.

Vegetate ‘99-the annual halfpipe, slopestyle, boardercross, and big-air contest extravaganza held to raise money and awareness to Mt. Hood’s award-winning native wildflower re-vegetation program-is scheduled to take place at Mt. Hood Meadows March 25—28. Call (503) 287-5438 for more information. Tom Burt’s Second Annual PigFest Classic is being held at Alpine Meadows April 9—10. The halfpipe contest format follows the rules of the classic b-ball game, Pig-each rider calls out a trick (or maybe a run-we’re not sure) beforehand; if the trick is executed, the next rider has to also stick the trick or pick up a letter, and so on. The last person to spell out PIG wins. All contest proceeds are being donated to the Boys and Girls Club of Kings Beach, so check it out ’cause it’s gonna be a good time. Call (530) 581-8321 for more info.

Since some of you may be turning your thoughts to summer camp, we’ll leave you this season with one more story: Once upon a time, an innocent little snowshredder came to Windell’s snowboard camp fowho disagrees can step.

Aspen Skiing Company is implementing a boycott of Atlantic swordfish in all its on-mountain and hotel restaurants until an adequate federal recovery plan has been implemented or declining swordfish populations have recovered. Publicity stunt, maybe-they’re claiming that “it’s estimated that at present rates of depletion, swordfish will become commercially extinct by the year 2005,” so it sounds kind of serious. No life-form on this planet should ever go extinct because humans are wasteful f-ks. Call Aspen at (970) 923-8770 if you want to find out more.

If you need help planning a ski vacation this winter, the folks at www.skiresorts.com and www.skitops.com (two completely separate organizations thrown in the same sentence for convenience) would like you to know they’re available to help you spend your money. Snowboarding didn’t make it into Nickelodeon’s “All-Star Sports” theme issue again this year. Damn. Burton is holding a women’s demo tour-essentially demo days for women to check out Burton’s women-specific products-at Big Bear, California, February 27; Hunter, New York, March 27; and Boarding for Breast Cancer, Sierra-at-Tahoe, California, April 27. Burton will make a donation for breast-cancer research for every board demoed. Nixon Watches is online. They think they’re all hot now ’cause Eric Clapton bought one of their watches in Europe. Big deal. It’s not like it was Method Man. You can check out their goods at www.nixonnow.com

The first snowboard video in history to be released in DVD (digital video-the latest technology where you can skip non-linearly around the video like a CD) is going to be FLF’s (Fall Line Films) last two movies, Kapow! The Mountain Adventure and Ticket to Ride. (Yes, two for the really expensive price of one.) We accidentally didn’t review Kapow! in our January issue-it features the riding of Jason McAlister, Kevin Jones, Marcus Egge, John Sommers, Rocket Reeves, Karleen Jeffery, and others.

On the way to the Vans Triple Crown in Breckenridge, Colorado the K2 team, driven by E-tree, was pulled over on I-70 at Copper Mountain by a cop who’d been trying to flag them down since Vail. Having been clocked at 81 mph while swerving all over Vail Pass (from checking out lines off the side of the road, of course) the irate officer was about to write them a nasty ticket when an elderly couple pulled up and forced the cop to leave and tend to a real roadside emergency. You can ask the K2 team about this, and anything else you’re curious about-from trick tips to relationship status to why Brodi Dowell isn’t pro yet-on K2’s Ask A Pro Web site (www.k2snowboards.com/scene). Ask Lance Pitman how to do a backside 360, it’s his favorite question.

Vegetate ‘99-the annual halfpipe, slopestyle, boardercross, and big-air contest extravaganza held to raise money and awareness to Mt. Hood’s award-winning native wildflower re-vegetation program-is scheduled to take place at Mt. Hood Meadows March 25—28. Call (503) 287-5438 for more information. Tom Burt’s Second Annual PigFest Classic is being held at Alpine Meadows April 9—10. The halfpipe contest format follows the rules of the classic b-ball game, Pig-each rider calls out a trick (or maybe a run-we’re not sure) beforehand; if the trick is executed, the next rider has to also stick the trick or pick up a letter, and so on. The last person to spell out PIG wins. All contest proceeds are being donated to the Boys and Girls Club of Kings Beach, so check it out ’cause it’s gonna be a good time. Call (530) 581-8321 for more info.

Since some of you may be turning your thoughts to summer camp, we’ll leave you this season with one more story: Once upon a time, an innocent little snowshredder came to Windell’s snowboard camp for summer fun on the glacier. He was a good kid, got along with the dig crew, and stayed for a number of sessions. On the final day of camp, he decided to play a little prank on the coaches and diggers-he flattened the tires on the entire fleet of Windell’s company vehicles and “on mountain” transportation. This wasn’t very nice. Little did the felon know, the AZP Surveillance Crew was picking him up on a live video feed. The jokester thought he pulled a clean getaway, but during “dis-borientation,” camouflaged diggers grabbed him, stripped him down to his tightie whities, and tied him to a tree in the middle of camp. The entire camp was then invited out to see the coaches and diggers decorate the lad with kitchen, bathroom, and condiment delights. Remember: be nice to the tranny installers.

That is all.

In new snowboarding camp news, Allen Clark and Jon Greenglass plan to bring a camp to Brohm Ridge in Squamish, B.C. that has something no other camp can claim-an 18-foot deep pipe. This monster of a tube is sculpted by full tilt gnarler, Canadian Greg Todds and will lie on a 24 degree slope. Coaches will include: Trevor Andrew, Kevin Young, Chris Brown, Kale Stephens, Mike Orr, …. The sessions are limited to only sixty kids so get on it. Bring your skate-there’s a ramp. www.superpipe.org or call 604-938-2476> for summer fun on the glacier. He was a good kid, got along with the dig crew, and stayed for a number of sessions. On the final day of camp, he decided to play a little prank on the coaches and diggers-he flattened the tires on the entire fleet of Windell’s company vehicles and “on mountain” transportation. This wasn’t very nice. Little did the felon know, the AZP Surveillance Crew was picking him up on a live video feed. The jokester thought he pulled a clean getaway, but during “dis-borientation,” camouflaged diggers grabbed him, stripped him down to his tightie whities, and tied him to a tree in the middle of camp. The entire camp was then invited out to see the coaches and diggers decorate the lad with kitchen, bathroom, and condiment delights. Remember: be nice to the tranny installers.

That is all.

In new snowboarding camp news, Allen Clark and Jon Greenglass plan to bring a camp to Brohm Ridge in Squamish, B.C. that has something no other camp can claim-an 18-foot deep pipe. This monster of a tube is sculpted by full tilt gnarler, Canadian Greg Todds and will lie on a 24 degree slope. Coaches will include: Trevor Andrew, Kevin Young, Chris Brown, Kale Stephens, Mike Orr, …. The sessions are limited to only sixty kids so get on it. Bring your skate-there’s a ramp. www.superpipe.org or call 604-938-2476

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• March 01 1999
• 18 views
• add a comment

Tiny Brains

There once was a dude from Venus. He had a big head-thought he was the keenest. Met this girl, she was from Carolina-had a big … bowl of beans; they were lima. She was decked in some clothes made by Stüssy. He talked loud, but she called him a wussy. The truth hurts, so he got kind of whiny. Welcome to this month’s edition of Tiny.

Even though we’re “the world’s number-one snowboard magazine” (says it on the cover-must be true), we pretty much suck at covering the scene overseas. So until we get our act together, Onboard magazine is getting a not-so-tiny power plug. The folks at Onboard are tapped into the European snowboard community (as well they should be-that’s where they’re based), and mostly just pumped on riding in general. So if you want to know what’s going on outside the U.S. and Canada, visit their Web site (be patient, it’s a little slow) at: www.onboardmag.com-which just happens to be where the next few paragraphs of Tiny were ripped off from:

“Darius Heristchien decided not to return to the Alps after London’s Board X contest. He was busy tasting haggis north of the boarder in Scotland. Other reports from that way suggest that Scotland is getting dumped on-particularly in the west, Glen Shee and Ben Nevis region. Tiny disclaimer: If all this stuff is spelled wrong, it’s Onboard’s fault, not ours, ’cause they wrote it, and we’re too lazy to fact check.-tiny ed. Impressive riding from several of the Scottish snowboarders at Board X makes you wonder what would come out of that area if the snow were more consistent up there. Runar Omarsson, owner of the Missing Link snowboard store in Reykjavik, Iceland, would like to remind everyone that there is snow and snowboarding on the island. In fact, it is quite a ‘core scene over there. Considering how cold it must be, we’re not surprised. You can contact Runar and the boys at Missing Link via e-mail to: missinglink@vortex.is

“Johan Olofsson was lucky to get away without serious injury he always is while riding a line at Hintertux. He struck a rock that sent him over the bars-narrowly clearing a rock garden below. He struck the rock so hard it pierced his board through to the topsheet. Ingemar suffered a slight injury days before the Innsbruck Air & Style. While skating down a five-meter that’s about fifteen feet, ya ignorant Americans hall in Little Sweden, full beer in his hand, he hooked up his skate wheels. He had a hard fall on his knee and head-butted the wall, but was proud to report that not a drop of beer was lost. Meanwhile in Salem, Sweden, the Norwegian hit squad-Terje and Daniel Franck-snaked an FIS practice. Terje reported doing a full handplant run.

“The date for the Megastar Contest in Gothenburg, Sweden has been changed to February 27. The quarterpipe is being built bigger this year, meaning the six-meter air again, you non-metric-using Seppos-that’s roughly eighteen feet from Terje last year will probably be overshadowed. The Grandslam of Snowboarding (total cash purse-175,000 dollars) will be held in Davos, Switzerland this season March 30 through April 4.”

All right, that’s it for the Euros, except this one thing-also from Onboard, just paraphrased-Russia opened their first real snowboard park on December 12 in a small town called Jahroma, near Moskva (Moscow). The park includes a halfpipe and boardercross course as well as a park, and goes along with the creation of a Russian Snowboarding Association, which you can check out at www.snrb.actis.ru. The site’s written in Russian, though.

It’s impressive how we shamelessly use other people to get this column written each month, we know. But now you’re all a little more cultured, and Onboard’s gotten some free hype, so we all win.

This goes out to all you Americans t there-or anyone else who comes from a country whose currency dwarfs the current diminutive size of the Canadian dollar: due to the exchange rate making every one U.S. dollar equal two Canadian dollars, a Canuck travel agency is offering some pretty insane snowboard vacation deals. Of course there’re all kinds of restrictions-fine print and shit, but all you East Coasters who bitch constantly about not being able to afford to ride powder (but are too stubborn to move out west and change your situation) should definitely check it out. Call 1-888-475-4226, fax (416) 488-7620, or e-mail skican@skican.com for a detailed brochure, or visit www.skican.com

And now for the testosterone report. Congratulations to all the ruling male snowboarders who hooked up sponsors this month (attention industry dudehams: this is an equal-opportunity dis, not intended to single any one company out, because that would be impossible-please don’t call.): Erich Rehbein, Nick Franke, Doug Byrnes, Eric Kovall all ride for MIA now. Dave Cashen rides for their B team for now, but he’ll be moving up soon enough. ASS Industries is proud to introduce Blaise Rosenthal, Joni Makinen, and Todd Richards to its professional hardware team. Kevin Young now rides for Atlantis. Just when we announced that Kevin Jones will be riding for Hurley, he ends up riding for Billabong-that’s magazine lag time for you. He’s joined by new teammates, Noah Salasnek and Jussi Oksanen. Now that jibbing is dead, it’s rumored that K2 will be re-signing Farmer. Chris Brown of Shorty’s fame is riding for Burton, and Marc Frank Montoya is now riding all Burton softgoods gear-they’re like his clothing sponsor or some shit.

If you buy a Toyota RAV 4, they’ll throw in a free MLY snowboard. Of course, then you have to drive a RAV 4, but maybe it’s worth it. That’s not for us to judge, really. Chris Englesman bought a new motorcycle and has been competing in the semi-pro heats in Utah. Anybody see Ranquet and Billy Anderson in a Sprite commercial lately? Axel Pauporté got a tattoo of dice on fire on his arm. Tina Dixon had surgery to remove a small chipped bone from her foot. She’ll be up and riding again before this magazine hits the newsstand. Congratulations go out to Shannon Dunn and Dave Downing who are finally getting hitched, as well as Wendy Powell-who by this time could already be married to her boyfriend, Josh. Yes, it’s now officially true that just about every pro has one-Jeff Brushie is getting a Summit 670 snowmobile. This month’s other proud new members of the Snowmachine Owners Association are Justin Mooney, Shin Campos, and Lance Pitman, and guys with dreadlocks who talk like Bryant Gumble can’t be rednecks-sorry, Stan Evans.

This just in via fax: “As part of an ongoing endeavor to reach the next generation of skiers and snowboarders or their wallets, the National Ski Areas Association has developed SNOWBLAST, a ‘grassroots’ cough, cough marketing campaign to promote snowboarding and skiing ’cause snowboarding is a virtually unknown sport. The program has some exciting promtional programs, including the Levi’s/Sno Core Tour, a touring music festival targeted at the ten- to 23-year-old market.” So there you have it. You’re all marketing statistics. If you visit www.snowblast.com you can cash in on a bunch of free promotional giveaways, though. You might as well, ’cause lord knows they’re all cashing in on you. We assume they’ll post the lists of bands that will be playing at “the most anticipated alternative music event of the winter” there, too. They didn’t bother telling us.

Is this sounding too bitter? Sorry, it’s just snowing, and we’re still in So Cal, and … sometimes we just kind of FREAK OUT A LITTLE! Whoa, sorry again. Uh, Whistler and Mt. Baker tied for the early season Snorkel Award¿ this season, beating out Wolf Creek for biggest frenzy created by an early season dump. Wolf Creek had a strong lead going into November, but couldn’t keep up the pace through the December thaw.

After you hear about the epic conditions in Northern Arizona, you’d better stop in at AZP on Route 66. They’ll let you know all the secret jibs in the outer basin and give ya current snow conditions. AZP, the Tempe location, is displaying three sizable photographs on the east side of their complex-featuring a different artist and image every month. You can see the works at www.azp.com. Technine’s Binding Squad in Flagstaff, Arizona is busy at their private testing area. Irion, Short, Funky, and Drake have been spotted displaying ninjistic moves high atop the San Francisco Peaks. A brand new company going by the name of Befour is making waves through Arizona’s lakes and cutting through the feather-light powder. Last but not least on the Arizona report: the world welcomes Madison Grace Gray into this world.

The 1999 Stimilon Air and Style Challenge will be taking place (or already took place, depending on when you read this) January 16 at Sunapee, New Hampshire; January 23 at Wachusett, Massachusetts; February 6 at Waterville Valley, New Hampshire; February 20 at Loon, New Hampshire; and March 13 at Stratton, Vermont. For more information call (802) 879-8800 or visit their Web site at www.stimilon.com

Mt. Hood Snowboard Camp is offering spring-break camps during the month of March, and two adult camps from the end of May to the middle of June. Their summer camps start June 13 and run until August 24. Call (503) 668-8322, FAX (503) 668-7986, e-mail mhsc@snowboardcamp.com, or visit www.snowboardcamp.com for more information.

All the French Canadians J.F. et al dressed up as women for Halloween, and if you think Tiny is boring this month, I didn’t hear your voice on the other end of my phone line telling me anything interesting to print here, did I? No? So shut the hell up.TLE! Whoa, sorry again. Uh, Whistler and Mt. Baker tied for the early season Snorkel Award¿ this season, beating out Wolf Creek for biggest frenzy created by an early season dump. Wolf Creek had a strong lead going into November, but couldn’t keep up the pace through the December thaw.

After you hear about the epic conditions in Northern Arizona, you’d better stop in at AZP on Route 66. They’ll let you know all the secret jibs in the outer basin and give ya current snow conditions. AZP, the Tempe location, is displaying three sizable photographs on the east side of their complex-featuring a different artist and image every month. You can see the works at www.azp.com. Technine’s Binding Squad in Flagstaff, Arizona is busy at their private testing area. Irion, Short, Funky, and Drake have been spotted displaying ninjistic moves high atop the San Francisco Peaks. A brand new company going by the name of Befour is making waves through Arizona’s lakes and cutting through the feather-light powder. Last but not least on the Arizona report: the world welcomes Madison Grace Gray into this world.

The 1999 Stimilon Air and Style Challenge will be taking place (or already took place, depending on when you read this) January 16 at Sunapee, New Hampshire; January 23 at Wachusett, Massachusetts; February 6 at Waterville Valley, New Hampshire; February 20 at Loon, New Hampshire; and March 13 at Stratton, Vermont. For more information call (802) 879-8800 or visit their Web site at www.stimilon.com

Mt. Hood Snowboard Camp is offering spring-break camps during the month of March, and two adult camps from the end of May to the middle of June. Their summer camps start June 13 and run until August 24. Call (503) 668-8322, FAX (503) 668-7986, e-mail mhsc@snowboardcamp.com, or visit www.snowboardcamp.com for more information.

All the French Canadians J.F. et al dressed up as women for Halloween, and if you think Tiny is boring this month, I didn’t hear your voice on the other end of my phone line telling me anything interesting to print here, did I? No? So shut the hell up.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• February 01 1999
• 57 views
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Tiny Fibs

This month’s Tiny column has been ghostwritten by a number of lovely and helpful non-TransWorld employees. This way we thought we could fulfill our dream of writing for Blunt (RIP) by printing gossip and inflammatory trash without assuming any personal responsibility, or doing any of the work. Unfortunately everyone we asked was too willowy to kick down anything harsh. But, hey-we tried to start something. Some of what you’ll read is true, most of it is based on truth, and the rest is complete bullshit. In any case, rest assured that nothing will be shocking-yay to the “new generation” of pros. Carry on.

After riding two meters of new snow in the steep steeps of Breckenridge, Colorado (where the Vans/G-Shock Triple Crown of Snowboarding began December 3—6 with the Mountain Dew Classic, will continue on to Austria in February, and will wrap up on March 4—7 at Sierra-at-Tahoe, California), Daniel Franck decided quit hucking for dollars in the pipe, and turn all his efforts to extreme riding. Speaking of extreme, Andrew Crawford just installed a blower in his 1984 Chevy (four-banger) Nova to help him get to the airport more quickly. In fact, he just got back from the airport with Josh Dirksen from a Morrow team photo shoot in Europe. Dirksen finally got himself a new car, and tied a brick to the gas pedal of his old Subaru which now resides underneath a bridge in the Deschutes River. Speaking of photo shoots, check out Andrew Crawford’s Morrow ad in the November issue of TransWorld. A 50-foot backside 360-stomped … or a sequence that fades into a gray area? You be the judge. After watching Decade, Shane Charlebois and Andrew Crawford decided it wasn’t fair that the Farmington crew had all the fun on handrails. They went and found the steepest 30-step rail in the area and pulled it off like champs. Or so they claim.

Speaking of claiming, is there such a thing as a reverse pro ho-someone who claims pro status at bars to pick up chicks? Well, if there is, someone needs to give an award out to Cody Dresser. Rumor has it Cody likes to run three to four girlfriends at the same time, with a prerequisite that each one take him on an all-expense-paid drinking trip to some exotic island. There also needs to be an honorable mention to the pro who has all the skills, but still gets no thrills-’cause Bobby Meeks has no game at all. Maybe we should have a “win a date with Bobb-o” contest to help him out. Only girls sixteen and under need enter, please. Bobby is getting his life back together after surgery-he was recently seen at Macy’s modeling Speedos. Best of luck in your modeling career, Bob.

Speaking of career moves, Snowbird reduced their season-pass price by 1,000 dollars. Now all you need is a nickname like Resin or Shrednar, and you too can be a Bird loc. While you’re there look up Bjorn Leines. He’ll be happy to show you around and tell you how good he is, I mean it is. Jibber Jeremy Jones bought a new Hummer with the signing bonus he got from Alphanumeric. Janna Meyen is back and riding for Burton, head to toe. She suffered a broken femur last year but is alive and well and living in Lake Tahoe, California with boyfriend Jason Toth. Nicolas Droz, a.k.a. “the ladies’ choice,” is now riding for Sims. Athena quit riding professionally and has moved to Summerland, California so she can live close to a “secret” nude beach. Jussi Oksanen, a.k.a. the “Flying Finn,” signed with Dub and was awarded Snowboarder of the Year in Finland. Shortly before this stunning announcement from Jussi’s board sponsor, Ami Voutilainen contracted a mysterious injury he claims is from a handrail slide gone bad. Damn those metal pipes.

Speaking of pipes, Derek Kettela won’t talk about the stripper he got for his birthday (or the pi&ntildeta and the three-foot-long sausage incident at Mike Basich’s house party), Kevin Sansalone thinks the Burton Jason Brown has a cute ass, and J2 finally realized that Colorado is flat. 2s will be renting out a room at Blotto and E. Stone’s this winter-welcome to Utah, Rasmus. Speaking of the Burton Jason Brown, at the premiere of Decade in SLC, the Burton Jason Brown got on stage and mimicked his part as it played on the big screen. The crowd was so delighted, they began chanting “Seven … Seven … Seven.” He ended with a great big bow. Word at Milosport the next day was something about either he goes or we go, so Jason is moving himself to Vancouver this winter. Did someone say fifteen?

Speaking of performances, Brad Scheuffele was jumped in his house last October by three assailants wearing masks-like the ones in Scream. Brad took out the biggest guy by stabbing him with his cordless phone, only to find he’d horribly maimed his good buddy, J.P. Walker. An elaborate scheme that began with Brad’s roommate Andy Wright unlocking the back door to the house for J.P. and the other two jokers, Jeremy Jones and Mikey LeBlanc, has turned into a horrible inter-bro-posse feud. Someone could have been killed. The night of terror continued with the sacrifice of Ali Goulet’s pet dog.

Speaking of Goulet’s, Greg Goulet caught the longest wave in history in Santa Barbara on November 14. After riding the distance of 150 Ingemar Airs, he was congratulated by Kelly Slater, who was watching from the beach. Speaking of surfing, my other magazine is a surfboard. TransWorld Media, (a subsidiary of Times Mirror Magazines), has decided to throw their proverbial hat into the ring of surfing. Yes, a surf magazine. A contest to come up with the title for the new mag produced office favorites like: Surf Machine, Anthem, Water Squatter, and Titanic. But in the end, the new surf mag, which will focus on the younger side of the sport, will be titled the obvious: TransWorld Surf. Other titles currently being sought to expand X-treme market share include Skysurfer’s Journal and SoapShoe Monthly.

Speaking of So Cal, Wolf Creek, Colorado won the early season powder award this year-opening with a whopping 700 meters of snow in early November. While pros and protographers jibbed it up at Mammoth’s early-season shred-tube, the other half of the snowboard industry strapped on Wolf Creek’s complimentary masks and snorkels and whooped it up. While there, Lance Pitman hooked up an inhaler sponsorship, and Brodi Dowell was spotted nose-wheelieing the world’s longest rainbow slide. Besides holding the record for the most years being held in a team’s amateur ranks, Brodi also holds the record for most camper crushes on a Mt. Hood digger. Speaking of summer camp, the biggest lie around Government Camp is about the hardworking digger. Even though they desperately want to be known as diggers, they’re really just rakers and salters.

Speaking of diggers, Josh Roberts is ready to ride again. After his twelfth knee surgery, the doctors just decided to install two bionic knees. Josh won’t be taking shit from flat landings any more. Speaking of flat landings, Stevie Alters has left Colorado. Word on the streets of Vail has Stevie happily married somewhere in Arkansas, where he attends business school and trades stocks daily over the Internet. On the subject of Colorado, Adam Merriman and Joe Curtes both got the boot from the Vail snowboard team somewhere around the same time of the Two Elks Lodge fire. Hmmm. Meanwhile, the pink injun has been recognized as the almighty ruler, while the blue pilgrim still goes unknown.

Speaking of blue, last we heard, Blue Montgomery was living in Mexico with his father and a Mexican family, trying to break down the walls of communication. I’m willing to bet the only thing that broke were a couple of bottles of Corona. Speaking of breaking, Devun “Crazy Legs” Walsh, has been putting time in at the gym so his drinking binges won’t affect his snowboarding and dancing abilities. Kevin Zacher is hiring out his photo expertise to drunken girls’ after-parties-word is, drunken girls love to take their clothes off. Rumor has it that Zacher’s work is in high demand in the Salt Lake area. On the subject of brotographers, Nate Christianson claims that this year he is finally going to learn how to use his camera, and Whitey has been spotted running around with the long hair of a hippie-a couple of months in Oregon will turn any punk rocker into a tree hugger. Speaking of Utah, the most frequently asked question in SLC? Where’s that damn Mexican, Marc Frank? He’s been humming that song, “I don’t want to be a player no more.” Mr. Montoya’s player’s license has been revoked.

Speaking of endings, the Tiny wage slaves would like to thank the following people, in no certain order, for doing our job for us this month: Dave England, Jesse Jackson, Steve Astephen, Celine Dionne Delesalle, Jason Gerardi, Kilgore Trout, Jason McAlister, Tim Wrisley, Travis Wood (of course), Brad Scheuffele, Chad DiNenna, Larry Flint, Ethan Fortier, Huxtable McDermott, Ami Voutilainen, Randall T. White, Marcus Egge, Keijo Leppälä, Ted Kazinski, Ross Peterson, and some other people who were too puss to list their names here.

•••

Seriously, though. Instead pissing away your cash on weed, alcohol, and/or useless trinkets for your chick this winter, please take that money and invest it in some kind of avalanche/mountain safety course. We really don’t want to have to start running a monthly Tiny Obituary column. The season’s first avalanche in Utah was triggered by some unsuspecting East Coast vacationers, including snowboarder Jeff Clement, who was killed in the incident. His death is our loss, and he will be missed by all. Our condolences go out to Jeff’s family and friends.g to break down the walls of communication. I’m willing to bet the only thing that broke were a couple of bottles of Corona. Speaking of breaking, Devun “Crazy Legs” Walsh, has been putting time in at the gym so his drinking binges won’t affect his snowboarding and dancing abilities. Kevin Zacher is hiring out his photo expertise to drunken girls’ after-parties-word is, drunken girls love to take their clothes off. Rumor has it that Zacher’s work is in high demand in the Salt Lake area. On the subject of brotographers, Nate Christianson claims that this year he is finally going to learn how to use his camera, and Whitey has been spotted running around with the long hair of a hippie-a couple of months in Oregon will turn any punk rocker into a tree hugger. Speaking of Utah, the most frequently asked question in SLC? Where’s that damn Mexican, Marc Frank? He’s been humming that song, “I don’t want to be a player no more.” Mr. Montoya’s player’s license has been revoked.

Speaking of endings, the Tiny wage slaves would like to thank the following people, in no certain order, for doing our job for us this month: Dave England, Jesse Jackson, Steve Astephen, Celine Dionne Delesalle, Jason Gerardi, Kilgore Trout, Jason McAlister, Tim Wrisley, Travis Wood (of course), Brad Scheuffele, Chad DiNenna, Larry Flint, Ethan Fortier, Huxtable McDermott, Ami Voutilainen, Randall T. White, Marcus Egge, Keijo Leppälä, Ted Kazinski, Ross Peterson, and some other people who were too puss to list their names here.

•••

Seriously, though. Instead pissing away your cash on weed, alcohol, and/or useless trinkets for your chick this winter, please take that money and invest it in some kind of avalanche/mountain safety course. We really don’t want to have to start running a monthly Tiny Obituary column. The season’s first avalanche in Utah was triggered by some unsuspecting East Coast vacationers, including snowboarder Jeff Clement, who was killed in the incident. His death is our loss, and he will be missed by all. Our condolences go out to Jeff’s family and friends.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• February 01 1999
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• add a comment

By The Staff Tiny Fibs

This month’s Tiny column has been ghostwritten by a number of lovely and helpfulnon-TransWorld employees. This way we thought we could fulfill our dream of writing for Blunt (RIP) byprinting gossip and inflammatory trash without assuming any personal responsibility, or doing any of thework.

Unfortunately everyone we asked was too willowy to kick down anything harsh. But, hey-we triedto start something. Some of what you’ll read is true, most of it is based on truth, and the rest is completebullshit. In any case, rest assured that nothing will be shocking-yay to the “new generation” of pros. Carryon. After riding two meters of new snow in the steep steeps of Breckenridge, Colorado (where theVans/G-Shock Triple Crown of Snowboarding began December 3¿6 with the Mountain DewClassic, will continue on to Austria in February, and will wrap up on March 4¿7 at Sierra-at-Tahoe,California), Daniel Franck decided quit hucking for dollars in the pipe, and turn all his efforts to extremeriding. Speaking of extreme, Andrew Crawford just installed a blower in his 1984 Chevy (four-banger)Nova to help him get to the airport more quickly. In fact, he just got back from the airport with JoshDirksen from a Morrow team photo shoot in Europe.

Dirksen finally got himself a new car, and tied abrick to the gas pedal of his old Subaru which now resides underneath a bridge in the Deschutes River.Speaking of photo shoots, check out Andrew Crawford’s Morrow ad in the November issue ofTransWorld. A 50-foot backside 360-stomped … or a sequence that fades into a gray area? You be thejudge. After watching Decade, Shane Charlebois and Andrew Crawford decided it wasn’t fair that theFarmington crew had all the fun on handrails. They went and found the steepest 30-step rail in the area andpulled it off like champs. Or so they claim.

Speaking of claiming, is there such a thing as a reverse proho-someone who claims pro status at bars to pick up chicks? Well, if there is, someone needs to give anaward out to Cody Dresser. Rumor has it Cody likes to run three to four girlfriends at the same time, witha prerequisite that each one take him on an all-expense-paid drinking trip to some exotic island. There alsoneeds to be an honorable mention to the pro who has all the skills, but still gets no thrills-’cause BobbyMeeks has no game at all. Maybe we should have a “win a date with Bobb-o” contest to help him out.Only girls sixteen and under need enter, please.

Bobby is getting his life back together after surgery-he wasrecently seen at Macy’s modeling Speedos. Best of luck in your modeling career, Bob. Speaking of careermoves, Snowbird reduced their season-pass price by 1,000 dollars. Now all you need is a nickname likeResin or Shrednar, and you too can be a Bird loc.

While you’re there look up Bjorn Leines. He’ll be happyto show you around and tell you how good he is, I mean it is. Jibber Jeremy Jones bought a new Hummerwith the signing bonus he got from Alphanumeric.

Janna Meyen is back and riding for Burton, head totoe. She suffered a broken femur last year but is alive and well and living in Lake Tahoe, California withboyfriend Jason Toth. Nicolas Droz, a.k.a. “the ladies’ choice,” is now riding for Sims. Athena quit ridingprofessionally and has moved to Summerland, California so she can live close to a “secret” nude beach.Jussi Oksanen, a.k.a. the “Flying Finn,” signed with Dub and was awarded Snowboarder of the Year inFinland. Shortly before this stunning announcement from Jussi’s board sponsor, Ami Voutilainencontracted a mysterious injury he claims is from a handrail slide gone bad. Damn those metal pipes.

Speaking of pipes, Derek Kettela won’t talk about the stripper he got for his birthday (or the piñata andthe three-foot-long sausage incident at Mike Basich’s house party), Kevin Sansalone thinks the BurtonJason Brown has a cute ass, and J2 finally realized that Colorado is flat. 2s will be renting o a room atBlotto and E. Stone’s this winter-welcome to Utah, Rasmus. Speaking of the Burton Jason Brown, at thepremiere of Decade in SLC, the Burton Jason Brown got on stage and mimicked his part as it played onthe big screen. The crowd was so delighted, they began chanting “Seven … Seven … Seven.” He endedwith a great big bow. Word at Milosport the next day was something about either he goes or we go, soJason is moving himself to Vancouver this winter.

Did someone say fifteen? Speaking of performances,Brad Scheuffele was jumped in his house last October by three assailants wearing masks-like the ones inScream. Brad took out the biggest guy by stabbing him with his cordless phone, only to find he’d horriblymaimed his good buddy, J.P. Walker. An elaborate scheme that began with Brad’s roommate AndyWright unlocking the back door to the house for J.P. and the other two jokers, Jeremy Jones and MikeyLeBlanc, has turned into a horrible inter-bro-posse feud. Someone could have been killed. The night ofterror continued with the sacrifice of Ali Goulet’s pet dog.

Speaking of Goulet’s, Greg Goulet caught thelongest wave in history in Santa Barbara on November 14. After riding the distance of 150 Ingemar Airs,he was congratulated by Kelly Slater, who was watching from the beach. Speaking of surfing, my othermagazine is a surfboard. TransWorld Media, (a subsidiary of Times Mirror Magazines), has decided tothrow their proverbial hat into the ring of surfing. Yes, a surf magazine. A contest to come up with the titlefor the new mag produced office favorites like: Surf Machine, Anthem, Water Squatter, and Titanic. Butin the end, the new surf mag, which will focus on the younger side of the sport, will be titled the obvious:TransWorld Surf. Other titles currently being sought to expand X-treme market share include Skysurfer’sJournal and SoapShoe Monthly.

Speaking of So Cal, Wolf Creek, Colorado won the early seasonpowder award this year-opening with a whopping 700 meters of snow in early November. While pros andprotographers jibbed it up at Mammoth’s early-season shred-tube, the other half of the snowboard industrystrapped on Wolf Creek’s complimentary masks and snorkels and whooped it up. While there, LancePitman hooked up an inhaler sponsorship, and Brodi Dowell was spotted nose-wheelieing the world’slongest rainbow slide. Besides holding the record for the most years being held in a team’s amateur ranks,Brodi also holds the record for most camper crushes on a Mt. Hood digger.

Speaking of summer camp, thebiggest lie around Government Camp is about the hardworking digger. Even though they desperatelywant to be known as diggers, they’re really just rakers and salters. Speaking of diggers, Josh Roberts isready to ride again. After his twelfth knee surgery, the doctors just decided to install two bionic knees. Joshwon’t be taking shit from flat landings any more.

Speaking of flat landings, Stevie Alters has leftColorado. Word on the streets of Vail has Stevie happily married somewhere in Arkansas, where heattends business school and trades stocks daily over the Internet. On the subject of Colorado, AdamMerriman and Joe Curtes both got the boot from the Vail snowboard team somewhere around the sametime of the Two Elks Lodge fire. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, the pink injun has been recognized as the almightyruler, while the blue pilgrim still goes unknown. Speaking of blue, last we heard, Blue Montgomery wasliving in Mexico with his father and a Mexican family, trying to break down the walls of communication.I’m willing to bet the only thing that broke were a couple of bottles of Corona. Speaking of breaking,Devun “Crazy Legs” Walsh, has been putting time in at the gym so his drinking binges won’t affect hissnowboarding and dancing abilities. Kevin Zacher is hiring out his photo expertise to drunken girls’after-parties-word is, drunken girls love to take their clothes off. Rumor has it that Zacher’s work is in highdemand in the Salt Lake area. On the subject of brotographers, Nate Christianson claims that this yearhe is finally going to learn how to use his camera, and Whitey has been spotted running around with thelong hair of a hippie-a couple of months in Oregon will turn any punk rocker into a tree hugger.

Speaking ofUtah, the most frequently asked question in SLC? Where’s that damn Mexican, Marc Frank? He’s beenhumming that song, “I don’t want to be a player no more.” Mr. Montoya’s player’s license has beenrevoked. Speaking of endings, the Tiny wage slaves would like to thank the following people, in no certainorder, for doing our job for us this month: Dave England, Jesse Jackson, Steve Astephen, CelineDionne Delesalle, Jason Gerardi, Kilgore Trout, Jason McAlister, Tim Wrisley, Travis Wood (ofcourse), Brad Scheuffele, Chad DiNenna, Larry Flint, Ethan Fortier, Huxtable McDermott, AmiVoutilainen, Randall T. White, Marcus Egge, Keijo Leppälä, Ted Kazinski, Ross Peterson, andsome other people who were too puss to list their names here.

Seriously, though. Instead pissing awayyour cash on weed, alcohol, and/or useless trinkets for your chick this winter, please take that money andinvest it in some kind of avalanche/mountain safety course. We really don’t want to have to start running amonthly Tiny Obituary column. The season’s first avalanche in Utah was triggered by some unsuspectingEast Coast vacationers, including snowboarder Jeff Clement, who was killed in the incident. His death isour loss, and he will be missed by all. Our condolences go out to Jeff’s family and friends.t Lake area. On the subject of brotographers, Nate Christianson claims that this yearhe is finally going to learn how to use his camera, and Whitey has been spotted running around with thelong hair of a hippie-a couple of months in Oregon will turn any punk rocker into a tree hugger.

Speaking ofUtah, the most frequently asked question in SLC? Where’s that damn Mexican, Marc Frank? He’s beenhumming that song, “I don’t want to be a player no more.” Mr. Montoya’s player’s license has beenrevoked. Speaking of endings, the Tiny wage slaves would like to thank the following people, in no certainorder, for doing our job for us this month: Dave England, Jesse Jackson, Steve Astephen, CelineDionne Delesalle, Jason Gerardi, Kilgore Trout, Jason McAlister, Tim Wrisley, Travis Wood (ofcourse), Brad Scheuffele, Chad DiNenna, Larry Flint, Ethan Fortier, Huxtable McDermott, AmiVoutilainen, Randall T. White, Marcus Egge, Keijo Leppälä, Ted Kazinski, Ross Peterson, andsome other people who were too puss to list their names here.

Seriously, though. Instead pissing awayyour cash on weed, alcohol, and/or useless trinkets for your chick this winter, please take that money andinvest it in some kind of avalanche/mountain safety course. We really don’t want to have to start running amonthly Tiny Obituary column. The season’s first avalanche in Utah was triggered by some unsuspectingEast Coast vacationers, including snowboarder Jeff Clement, who was killed in the incident. His death isour loss, and he will be missed by all. Our condolences go out to Jeff’s family and friends.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• January 01 1999
• 49 views
• add a comment

Tiny Imaginations

With a snowboard strapped to his backpack, and a transceiver beeping securely against his chest, Biff stepped across the out-of-bounds line and took a deep breath of the crisp, morning air. He tried to imagine what his life had been like in the past-before he’d seen that press release one fateful morning: “BRAIN GUM contains PS (phosphatidylserine), and by chewing BRAIN GUM you can improve the performance of your brain,” it read. At first he’d been skeptical, but upon learning that “Over 35 clinical studies show that PS can improve your concentration, increase memory, recall and learning.” he dialed 1-888-IQ-BOOST and placed his order. After all, how could 35 clinical studies be wrong?

“And I used to think football was everything.” laughed Biff, pausing to survey the mountains surrounding him. Endowed now with superhuman thought, he was privy to knowledge dating back to when aliens built the pyramids. You could say he was one of the most intelligent beings on the planet-definitely smart enough to know better than to hike into the backcountry unprepared. In fact, today he was equipped with his very own customized United States Geological Survey Topographic map, which he’d gotten earlier off Seattle-based REI’s Web site: www.rei.com. For an introductory price of only $3.99 he was able to download software that enabled him to build a topographic map specific to the area he wanted to explore. Luckily he was interested in the Tahoe backcountry, as only Washington, Oregon, and California were available at the time, but he’d been assured by REI that sites covering the entire country would be available this year.

Biff’s appraising eyes finally settled on an intriguing cliff-band on a ridge opposite him. “That looks like the line Karleen Jeffrey won the New Zealand Extremes riding last summer.” he reflected, thinking back to the legendary contest where the Queen of the Hill and Mt. Baker Banked Slalom champ stepped into a pair of skis after winning the snowboard competition, and placed second in the extreme ski division. Then she went home and got dropped by her sponsor. Go figure.

“Some things even the hyper-intelligent can’t understand.” mused Biff. “Why is The Gap willing to pay 50,000 dollars to sponsor a Rollerblader¿, but not a snowboarder? Why are they willing to pay 50,000 dollars to a Rollerblader¿, period? Could Seven turn out to be a more powerful number than Eight? When will this mystery finally be resolved? Why does Erik Leines insist on wearing the new Oakley “Shoe” even after receiving rations of shit because they look like those Mexican finger-f-k things? And how could legend, Noah Salasnek, not have a board sponsor right now? Hasn’t anyone seen the man ride before? Are snowboard marketing homies idgits, or are they blind? Maybe these are puzzles not meant to be solved.”

“Ah well,” Biff sighed, resuming his hike. “At least there are people like Steve Astephen around to help kids out.” After years of explaining wrecked rental cars, hotel rooms, finding sponsors and performing many other thoughtful tasks for athletes at Lamar and elsewhere, Steve decided to go into sports consulting full-time. His new crew, consisting of riders Kevin Jones, Jim Rippey, Jussi Oksanen, Marcus Egge, Blaise Rosenthal, and others, is called The Familie, and his job is to watch their backs.

“A good man,” smiled Biff, “but I’m being silly. Just because Lukas Huffman spent his summer cleaning toilets, Dave Sypniewski was forced to take a job at TransWorld, and instead of riding in the Southern Hemi, J2 learned Spanglish from his landscaping coworkers at his new job-it’s not as if everyone is losing their sponsors. Why, Jeremy ‘the handrail ninja’ Jones just signed with Alphanumeric and DC. Blaise Rosehal and Chad Otterstrom are riding for MLY and Flux bindings. Ali Goulet, Blue Montgomery, Megan Pischke, Erich Rehbein, Nick Francke, Ethan Fortier, Blotto, Jay Rehbein, and Josh Roberts are riding for Technine. Limited has signed Jeff Bilo, Guilliana Rende, Etienne Tremblay, Josh Roberts and Emanuel Krebs. Dylan Farr has signed with Elan, Reef, and JNCO-under the condition that they start making jeans that fit. Lukas and Jesse Huffman actually both just signed to Nitro, along with Casey Savage and Mark Reilly. Devun Walsh is promoting longtime snowboard-accessory-makers Bakoda as their first team rider. And former Queen of the Hill ruler Julie Zell has found a home in the Nike flock. I suppose that’s all good.”

Lost in thought, Biff failed to notice the giant mountain lion crouched silently in the rocks above him. Hungry, freezing, and stuck on a barren, snowy ledge in the middle of winter for no reason other than the passing literary whim of a bored Tiny Type writer, the lion was beyond pissed. “Damn creative liberties!” the lion growled as it pounced on poor, unsuspecting Biff, ripping his still-beating heart from his chest with its massive feline jaws …

***

“I … I can’t believe he’s dead.” sniffed Buffy, as they lowered the casket containing the remains of Biff’s mangled body into the earth. Buffy and Biff had fallen in love a year earlier at one of High Cascade’s Adult Snowboard Camps. In fact, they were going to attend one of the ‘98/99 sessions to celebrate their upcoming one-year anniversary. Just last week Buffy had called 1-800-334-4272, faxed (541) 389-6371, and e-mailed High Cascade at: highcascade@empnet.com for information. Two adult camps were being offered in the winter (one in December, one in February) and two in the spring during the last two weeks of April-all at Mt. Bachelor, Oregon. Plus, two camps were being held during August at Mt. Hood. Buffy was just waiting for Biff to return home so they could decide which one to go to together.

“Not that we needed to go to any stupid camp, anyway,” thought Buffy bitterly, brushing away her tears. Chewing BRAIN GUM had not only given Biff god-like intelligence, it’d allowed him to tap into the part of the brain that controlled athleticism. Endowed with near superhuman snowboarding abilities, he rode almost as well as Terje did back in the Subjekt: Haakonsen days. Buffy didn’t need the gum, as she is a midget, and blessed at birth with what we call natural talent. Together they were going to enter the Swatch Boardercross World Tour and dominate. With a cash purse offering of 50,000 dollars for boardercross and 30,000 for big air, their plan was to win all the events-the one in Bear Mountain, California, February 4—7; at Copper Mountain, Colorado, February 18—21; somewhere in Utah, March 11—14; and the final in LAAX, Switzerland, April 8—11-take the prize money, and run away to a small island off the coast of Greece. She actually wasn’t sure what the women’s purse was supposed to be for the events. She’d meant to call the contest promoters at (604) 924-0515 or fax them at (604) 924-0301 and find that out.

They’d also toyed around with entering the Kokanee Kross Grand Nationals Tour up in Canada-just for kicks, as the cash purse was only 10,000 dollars, and only for boardercross (no big air). Those were going on at Mt. Seymour, Vancouver, January 23—24; in Banff, February 27—28; Horseshoe Resort, Barrie, Ontario, March 20—21; with the championships to be held at Blackcomb, Whistler, April 8—10 for a total purse of 25,000 dollars.

That was all in the past now, though. Buffy simply couldn’t imagine a life of snowboarding without Biff in it. “Oh, gawd!” she cried, sinking to the ground in despair. “We were even going to enter the 50,000-dollar big-air contest at the Glissexpo festival of skateboarders, in-line skaters, and BMXers at Disneyland Paris January 30th! He was going to dress up like Mickey Mouse, and I … I was going to be Cinderella! And the USSA Grand Prix at Mt. Bachelor, Oregon, December 17—19; Copper Mountain, Colorado, January 7—10; and Sunday River, Maine February 24—28-now we can’t even watch the Grand Prix broadcasts on NBC December 20 at 3:30 p.m., or ESPN February 4 at midnight, or even on CBS April 3 at 1:00 p.m. together! All my dreams are dead!”

Whimpering in a fetal position at the foot of Biff’s grave, Buffy gnawed on her fingertips and tried to figure out how her life had turned into such complete shit. First, she’d lost her job at Rusty because they’d decided to quit making snowboards and wakeboards and focus instead on surfboards and apparel. There were rumors that they still planned on fielding a snowboard team, but the news did little to help her. She’d called her former employer, Billabong, only to find out that Bob Hurley, the man responsible for building the bong here in the States, had left to produce his own line of clothes and outerwear under the name Hurley. And now her boyfriend was dead-and her good friend Lindsy Lozano wasn’t even around to talk to because she’d packed up and moved with her boyfriend Todd Richards to Encinitas, California. When Todd wasn’t skating at the YMCA, he and Lindsy were surfing, buying furniture for their new place, or organizing surf-offs with Todd’s half-tube rival, Jimi Scott-the last thing she wanted to do was call up and spoil their fun with her problems.

“Maybe I should take up fly-fishing. All the mellow, well-adjusted people seem to be into that these days. Well, except that guy Kevin Jones, who thinks he’s such a big shot, just because he caught an eighteen-pound trout on the Truckee River-or so he claims.” Buffy schemed melodramatically, “If I got Marcus Egge or Travis Parker to teach me how to fly-fish, I bet I could catch a way bigger trout than Kevin. Yeah … ”

Through the haze of her misery, Buffy became vaguely aware someone was calling her name. “Hey, Buffy! Dude, are you all right, man?” Slowly Buffy opened her eyes to find her friend Fred the Deadhead looming over her. “Whoa, kind sister,” said Fred. “You look like you need a change of pace. Me and Sunshine and our two dogs, Kaya and Patagonia, are moving up to Jackson Hole. Why don’t you come with us? We’ll teach you how to telemark!”

“But flying to Jackson Hole is so expensive!” whined Buffy. “How will we get there?”

“Well, we were going to drive up there in our Land Rover because we heard that Delta isn’t even flying into Jackson anymore. But the Jackson Hole Express just announced that it’s increased its ground transportation between Jackson and Salt Lake City, Utah and Idaho Falls, Idaho by 800 percent. So we’re going to call 1-800-652-9510 or visit the Web site: www.jacksonholebus.com and book a shuttle from the Salt Lake airport.”

“Gee, that sounds great!” exclaimed Buffy. And soon after they found themselves on an express shuttle to Jackson Hole. Unfortunately, their bus never made it. After four and a half hours of listening to Fred’s boom box bump Phish bootlegs at max volume, the bus driver-a part-time employee who’d gotten the job as part of the local psychiatric hospital’s ten-step reentry program-drove the bus off a cliff into the Snake River.

****Jamie - this is to be a completely separated box of tiny type.

On a serious note: our not so tiny condolences go out to the family of seventeen-year-old Tyler “T.C.” Andrews, who took his life on September 21st. T.C. spent the last few seasons back east at Carabassett Valley Academy in Maine and Stratton Mountain School in Vermont. His death is a horri the ground in despair. “We were even going to enter the 50,000-dollar big-air contest at the Glissexpo festival of skateboarders, in-line skaters, and BMXers at Disneyland Paris January 30th! He was going to dress up like Mickey Mouse, and I … I was going to be Cinderella! And the USSA Grand Prix at Mt. Bachelor, Oregon, December 17—19; Copper Mountain, Colorado, January 7—10; and Sunday River, Maine February 24—28-now we can’t even watch the Grand Prix broadcasts on NBC December 20 at 3:30 p.m., or ESPN February 4 at midnight, or even on CBS April 3 at 1:00 p.m. together! All my dreams are dead!”

Whimpering in a fetal position at the foot of Biff’s grave, Buffy gnawed on her fingertips and tried to figure out how her life had turned into such complete shit. First, she’d lost her job at Rusty because they’d decided to quit making snowboards and wakeboards and focus instead on surfboards and apparel. There were rumors that they still planned on fielding a snowboard team, but the news did little to help her. She’d called her former employer, Billabong, only to find out that Bob Hurley, the man responsible for building the bong here in the States, had left to produce his own line of clothes and outerwear under the name Hurley. And now her boyfriend was dead-and her good friend Lindsy Lozano wasn’t even around to talk to because she’d packed up and moved with her boyfriend Todd Richards to Encinitas, California. When Todd wasn’t skating at the YMCA, he and Lindsy were surfing, buying furniture for their new place, or organizing surf-offs with Todd’s half-tube rival, Jimi Scott-the last thing she wanted to do was call up and spoil their fun with her problems.

“Maybe I should take up fly-fishing. All the mellow, well-adjusted people seem to be into that these days. Well, except that guy Kevin Jones, who thinks he’s such a big shot, just because he caught an eighteen-pound trout on the Truckee River-or so he claims.” Buffy schemed melodramatically, “If I got Marcus Egge or Travis Parker to teach me how to fly-fish, I bet I could catch a way bigger trout than Kevin. Yeah … ”

Through the haze of her misery, Buffy became vaguely aware someone was calling her name. “Hey, Buffy! Dude, are you all right, man?” Slowly Buffy opened her eyes to find her friend Fred the Deadhead looming over her. “Whoa, kind sister,” said Fred. “You look like you need a change of pace. Me and Sunshine and our two dogs, Kaya and Patagonia, are moving up to Jackson Hole. Why don’t you come with us? We’ll teach you how to telemark!”

“But flying to Jackson Hole is so expensive!” whined Buffy. “How will we get there?”

“Well, we were going to drive up there in our Land Rover because we heard that Delta isn’t even flying into Jackson anymore. But the Jackson Hole Express just announced that it’s increased its ground transportation between Jackson and Salt Lake City, Utah and Idaho Falls, Idaho by 800 percent. So we’re going to call 1-800-652-9510 or visit the Web site: www.jacksonholebus.com and book a shuttle from the Salt Lake airport.”

“Gee, that sounds great!” exclaimed Buffy. And soon after they found themselves on an express shuttle to Jackson Hole. Unfortunately, their bus never made it. After four and a half hours of listening to Fred’s boom box bump Phish bootlegs at max volume, the bus driver-a part-time employee who’d gotten the job as part of the local psychiatric hospital’s ten-step reentry program-drove the bus off a cliff into the Snake River.

****Jamie - this is to be a completely separated box of tiny type.

On a serious note: our not so tiny condolences go out to the family of seventeen-year-old Tyler “T.C.” Andrews, who took his life on September 21st. T.C. spent the last few seasons back east at Carabassett Valley Academy in Maine and Stratton Mountain School in Vermont. His death is a horrible blow to the riding community. A memorial fund to build a skateboard park in his hometown has been

established by his family. Sympathetic parties can send donations to: Hailey Skateboard Park, In memory of T.C. Andrews, First Security Bank, P.O. Box 727, Hailey, ID 83333.orrible blow to the riding community. A memorial fund to build a skateboard park in his hometown has been

established by his family. Sympathetic parties can send donations to: Hailey Skateboard Park, In memory of T.C. Andrews, First Security Bank, P.O. Box 727, Hailey, ID 83333.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• November 01 1998
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It’s purgatory month-it’s not summer anymore, but it’s not snowing yet. But then again, maybe it is. Word on the street is that this winter’s going to be the sickest one yet. We can’t tell you where, though, ’cause then you’ll all move there, crowd the lift lines, snake all the powder wigglies, and get the locals pissed at us. Or you’ll move there with stars in your eyes, and we’ll be wrong, it’ll suck, and then you’ll write us snitty letters-and we get enough of those-so we’ll stick to the news instead.

While filming for his part with Fall Line Films at Mammoth last June, the mouth of Santa Cruz’s Darren Cingel made sweet love with his knee-giving birth to little pieces of white teeth. Darren’s as tough as they come, though, and is well past recovered by now-flip to his Check Out this issue. Congrats go out to Jim and Bonnie Zellers who had a bouncing baby boy on July 27. If ever there was a candidate for “super-grom of the future,” surely it is him.

Who says snowboarders now are all art fags and vegans? This summer, Shawn Sterken went to the Nude Bowl for a friend’s birthday party, and while his knee injury kept him from skating, it apparently didn’t curb his drinkin’. Shawn allegedly passed out, fell victim to random body graffiti, made out with a girl (while rolling in broken glass), and then retired to the passenger seat of a car. He became sleepy-the only thing keeping him from lying down into two-seated slumber was a pesky handbrake, which he promptly lowered. The car rolled back into a van of people partying. Nobody was hurt in the occurrences.

In other non-injury-related car-accident news, Bryan Iguchi had a little trouble remembering which side of the road you drive on in New Zealand this past July. Thankfully, he’s okay. No word yet on the rental he was navigating at the time. Meanwhile, across the globe, in Grenoble, France, Finnish Mafia members, Joni Makinen, his brother Mika, and Keijo Leppala coaxed a bear up onto the hood of their rental car in a Safari Park they were driving through, and it broke their side mirror and tried to make away with their windshield wiper. Pictures of the incident, plus of two bears brawling next to the open window of their car, have been promised for an upcoming edition of Yellow Sno. Joni, Keke, and Pasi Voho have been traveling around Europe together for a few months. They say there’s an empty concrete skatepark in Sattel, Switzerland. If you’re ever in the area and are bored (which you will be because there’s nothing there), check it out.

In corporate news, Luke Edgar is looking at resurrecting Tim Pogue’s old mentioned-in-every-Tiny-Type title. Todd Sarandos has retired as Rossignol’s team manager. He and his girlfriend are relocating outside the snowboard industry, somewhere on the California coast. Conrats, Todd. You will be missed. Longtime Team Manager Paul Ferrel has become Mervin’s new marketing development manager. Besides being a once and future Baker Banked Slalom champion and erstwhile Olympic videographer, Paul’s favorite color is blue. Mack Dawg talent-coordinator Liberty O’Toole is taking over Mervin’s team duties. The juggernaut company is pursuing a skateboard option, probably named after the Lib Tech brand instead of Mike Olson’s old idea, Dead Tree Skateboards. And if you were wondering about Mervin’s “#1 In The Olympics!” claim-their Port Angeles, Washington factory is in the closest city to Hurricane Ridge on the Olympic Peninsula. So they’re “number-one in the Olympics!” Get it? But what’s up with Gnu’s serious-guy ads? Yeah, that’s right. You heard us, Libsilver ad ninjas. Polo Sport called and said they wanted their ad campaign back. Your snowboarders are very good. Plus, they’re good looking, and they take good pictures. But nothing can top the full-wrap metal edge or the Gnu Jester Hat a-except another comedy Gnu ad.

Leave it to Vice President Rob Morrow to break the strange string of motocross mishaps that have befallen the clan of Salem, most often at his personal track: First, Neil Morrow had to have his spleen removed after a crash. Next, Northwest rep Gary Bracelin blew his shoulder out. Then Creative Director Trevor Graves broke his ankle. In related injury, Monster Backside Photo Editor Helmut landed on his helmet and broke it in half, receiving a concussion. And Michele Taggart ejected at the Sandy track and popped her leg out of the hip socket (it went back in during the ambulance ride). Finally Robbie had enough and decided to take matters into his own hand by trying to backflip over a beach-party fire. He landed on that hand and received third-degree burns, which later swelled into a blister the size of a Twinkie. Nothing broken, except hopefully this murderous cycle.

Mt. Hood’s hometown paper did a credible write-up of the Timberland Gorge Games big air (K2’s Cory Smith took it for the men, Airwalk’s Jacqui Berg took the ladies’ division) but let the inventor of the “Kyte-board” hype his kite-driven mountain board as having the potential to be as popular as snowboarding. Yeah, right. Next thing you know, it’ll be in the Olympics. Volkswagen renewed a contract with K2. The car company will outfit the company with a fleet of vans, but is so focused on its new Beetle campaign that there won’t be any more snowboard-in-every-Jetta deals.

K2’s also been pimping out some of their pro team to model Jockey underwear (or maybe it was Calvin Klein), but only members from the Republic of “Bulge-aria.” Ever wonder what Travis Parker, Timmy Ostler, Brian Savard, Cory Smith, and Tina Dixon look like without clothes? Well, now you can check ‘em out in New York’s Times Square, gracing the front of the World’s Most Visible Billboard with nothing but their skivvies and their snowboards. (For those of you who don’t live in New York, that’s the billboard they flash to at the beginning of every David Letterman show.) Not to be outdone, Tommy Hilfiger flew Santa Cruz rider Arlie Carstens to New York to model suits (not snowboard suits) for a Hilfiger coffee-table book.

Fresh off the press wire: “Gen-X holdings Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Global Sports Inc. (Nasdaq-GSPT) announced the acquisition of Lamar Snowboards.” Bert’s still in the company, according to the release, only now he’s part of a “management team” headed by Jamie Salter (former Ride CEO). Also off the press wire, though maybe not so recently: “On April 20, Tammy McMinn and Jennifer Huges, two San Francisco businesswomen … broke the world heli-skiing record on a snowboard and skis, respectively.” They rode 3,025 feet, approximately 101 runs, in fourteen hours and 50 minutes. Must have been … fun? And be sure to catch Invert ‘98, the first consumer show featuring, “anything vertical and radical” going down at the Anaheim Convention Center this November. In Microsoft Word (on a PC), type the following phrase: “I’d like to see you naked.” Then run a spell check.

This next piece goes out to all who have ever written in about those scantily clad Reef girls you always ask to see more of. San Diego native and Reef model Vanessa Gleason was featured in Playboy as this year’s Miss September. The nineteen-year-old Vanessa stated that her turn ons include: nice tans, confidence, honesty, skinny-dipping in the ocean, and sex on the beach. So now you know, geekboy. Get a tan, don’t be shy, and quit all that lying, and you may land yourself a Reef girl yet. Or maybe not. Also, contrary to what you may have heard or seen, Willie Nelson doesn’t snowboard. He writes great American music. That being said, let me get the keyboard back from Lucas so we can announce that:

Jesse Loomis has left the building. “This place stinks!” the raging hippie yelled as he and his future-wife Zoe burned rubber out of TransWord headquarters in Southern California and floored his ‘64 VW Beetle back to Vermont-Phish bootlegs a-blarin’. Jesse has decided to forgo a promising career as assistant photo editor here at TWS in order to pursue his dream of snowboarding without industry pressures and a 200-pound backpack. (Jesse didn’t really yell anything when he left, we’re just testing to see if he misses us.)

Rumor has it the Old Tiny Bastard was spotted mountain-biking somewhere near Vail. If you run into him, tell him the New Tiny Biznach wants him to take his column back. Or at least send us news from Colorado.

Seans: Johnson and Kearns enlisted Whitey to help film a special Hollywood-type segment for the new Whiskey video, The Party’s Over. Kearns picked Whitey up in Washington and was routinely stopped upon returning to the Canadian border checkpoint. The police quickly realized Kearns had a warrant out for his arrest from past parking tickets and placed him into a police car. At the same time, Canadian officials told Whitey that they didn’t want him in their country because of his past wrongdoings. Kearns was soon let out of the police car, but Whitey was returned to the U.S. However, after some deliberation and a few cold ones, Whitey decided he would run over the border-this time bandito-style through the woods. He wasn’t quick enough to outwit the Canadian border officials, though, who chased him down in armored vehicles, and called him a stupid, lazy, American wetback economy-wrecker when he tried to explain he was just trying to get to Canada for a job. Then they beat the crap out of him.

Just kidding. After a nervous walk through a forest of thorns, Whitey reached the great white north, skateboarded to the first sign of civilization (which of course was a golf-course driving range), called his ride on his cellular, hit a large bucket of balls, and was off to work for the boys.

Two guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would’ve ducked. Hah! Chris! Don’t know your last name, but the one who wrote us the “Skoal Bandits” letter via Internet: if “She liked younger men. The younger the better was her motto,” was really the end of your story … you are a sick little monkey, Chris. Sick. No free snowboard for you. Nice try, though.at being said, let me get the keyboard back from Lucas so we can announce that:

Jesse Loomis has left the building. “This place stinks!” the raging hippie yelled as he and his future-wife Zoe burned rubber out of TransWord headquarters in Southern California and floored his ‘64 VW Beetle back to Vermont-Phish bootlegs a-blarin’. Jesse has decided to forgo a promising career as assistant photo editor here at TWS in order to pursue his dream of snowboarding without industry pressures and a 200-pound backpack. (Jesse didn’t really yell anything when he left, we’re just testing to see if he misses us.)

Rumor has it the Old Tiny Bastard was spotted mountain-biking somewhere near Vail. If you run into him, tell him the New Tiny Biznach wants him to take his column back. Or at least send us news from Colorado.

Seans: Johnson and Kearns enlisted Whitey to help film a special Hollywood-type segment for the new Whiskey video, The Party’s Over. Kearns picked Whitey up in Washington and was routinely stopped upon returning to the Canadian border checkpoint. The police quickly realized Kearns had a warrant out for his arrest from past parking tickets and placed him into a police car. At the same time, Canadian officials told Whitey that they didn’t want him in their country because of his past wrongdoings. Kearns was soon let out of the police car, but Whitey was returned to the U.S. However, after some deliberation and a few cold ones, Whitey decided he would run over the border-this time bandito-style through the woods. He wasn’t quick enough to outwit the Canadian border officials, though, who chased him down in armored vehicles, and called him a stupid, lazy, American wetback economy-wrecker when he tried to explain he was just trying to get to Canada for a job. Then they beat the crap out of him.

Just kidding. After a nervous walk through a forest of thorns, Whitey reached the great white north, skateboarded to the first sign of civilization (which of course was a golf-course driving range), called his ride on his cellular, hit a large bucket of balls, and was off to work for the boys.

Two guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would’ve ducked. Hah! Chris! Don’t know your last name, but the one who wrote us the “Skoal Bandits” letter via Internet: if “She liked younger men. The younger the better was her motto,” was really the end of your story … you are a sick little monkey, Chris. Sick. No free snowboard for you. Nice try, though.

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• October 01 1998
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• add a comment

Hey there. How ya doin’? All right. You want to read some snowboard industry spray? Okay, but let us show you something first. This is part of a letter we got the other day:

“Dear Snowboarding Editor: We would like to submit editorial and art on automotive afterproducts … blah blah … Traditionally, our audience has been baby boomers, but boomers are quickly racing headlong into middle age, where their concentration is more on retirement funds and hip-replacement surgery than superchargers and new mufflers … yadda yadda … Like all businesses the automotive industry knows it needs the ‘youth market.’ We’ve been touting a project called the X-treme.” Blah-vomit-blah-so what, right? Look at the dorks we have to deal with! We get this crap constantly-mainstream companies looking to cash in on the almighty “youth market” dollar by advertising their non-related products in “alternative sports” magazines such as this one. Now, we know the fact that Nike ran ads in TransWorld pisses a lot of you off to no end, but if we really wanted to be corporate sellouts, you’d have a friggin’ coronary. They want your money soooo bad. Just so you know … ummm …

Canadian ripper Jesse Fulton has hooked up with Sims. Ride recently acquired Justin Mooney, Pete Iversen, and Jon Schurke for their namesake pro team, and Branden Ruff for 5150. We won’t talk about the people they cut, but Dale Rehberg just got picked up by Silence. Elan Bushell, Andy Finch, Lukas Huffman, Kevin Jones, Danny Kass, Mikey LeBlanc, Wendy Powell, J2, Billy Summers, Liz Walker, and Brian Thein have all signed to Northwave. Vans might buy Switch (step-in binding system). And Bobby Meeks still has a pro contract, but rumor has it he makes more money shaving his body and jumping off diving boards in tiny speedos in front of large crowds than he does fully clothed, jumping around in the snow on his board. Rob Dafoe has quit snowboarding. When asked why, he said: “‘Cause I don’t like it, that’s why.” Actually Rob has been busy taking photos, shooting videos, and making movies of anything and everything that interests him (read: art fag).

Jackson Hole’s youngest home owner, Lance Pitman, and roommate Brodie Dowell, have been hosting a series of hick parties-complete with cowboy outfits, Red Bull, and line dancing-for the town’s high school population. In true Canadian fashion, Whistler’s Derek Heidt threw a kegger for the Euros in his Hintertux, Austria hotel room. He finished the beer before half the guests arrived. Meanwhile, across town, the owner of the Scotland Yard Pub was composing an e-mail to Rossi Team Manager Todd Sarandos regarding a certain team training session: “Bon jour, Rossignol snowboard department. During the last week, we had the ‘pleasure’ of having your team riders J.F.? Aleski Litovaara? Chiodi? in town. We, that is the Mayrhofen, Tirol, and myself-Peter, the owner of the Scotland Yard Pub. Your boarders Jonas Emery? Tony Roos? Basterrechea? have been totally misbehaving Paavo? and swearing no, not Paavo. They were aggressive and absolutely out of place. They are probably good snowboarders, but they haven’t got any behavior Blue?, and so we were celebrating yesterday when they left our town.” Ouch.

Four Star Distribution, the mother ship of the Forum, Special Blend, and Four Square Squads, took their entire roster of team members to Cabo San Lucas. After indulging in some of the local favorite libations on a “booze cruise” at dinner and at a few late night “hot spots,” Travis Wood decided to cool things off by emptying the entire contents of a fire extinguisher into the room and onto the bodies and belongings of Four Star worker-be Veronica Filippelli and Mark Mazza, and Hot Skates owner Rudy Fahell. The hotel wasn’t too happy with the one inch thick layer of foam that covered the walls, floors, and furnishings of the room. Mr. Wood’s credit card now bares the balance of the mishap. Who says punk is dead?

After fulfilling many boyhood dreams-starting a snowboard company, winning the Baker Banked Slalom in ‘89 and ‘97, playing in a band-Rob Morrow decided he wanted to hop a train, hobo style, just for the fun of it. Mr. Morrow began his journey under cover of darkness-falling asleep beside some tracks near his hometown of Salem, Oregon with his hand looped over the rails. The vibration of an oncoming train woke him just in time to hop a boxcar to nearby Albany. Once in Albany, he hitchhiked back to “The Ranch” in Salem (his former home) and called Jake Blattner for a ride to his current residence. Ahhh, twelve hours in the life of snowboarding’s elite!

Chris Brunkhart and Ari Marcopolous have teamed up to produce a snowboard flick. It might be called The Walrus Dream, but Ari has a thick accent, so we could have heard that wrong. It will feature Jamie Lynn, Craig Kelly, Erik Leines, the Turd, and many others, but Ari says it’s “not just a bunch of riding parts. It’s a film about snowboarding-an alternative look through the eyes of two photographers. Some general artsy fartsiness.” No word yet on the video’s release date. John Sommers, his brother, and some other people also made a film about snowboarding that they hope to convince mainstream television networks to buy and broadcast instead of the current 80s footage misinformation that’s aired so frequently. It’s called Snow Taxi, and features interview and riding footage of Sommers, Bryan Iguchi, Barrett Christy, Axel Pauporte, Stine Brun Kjeldaas, and Karleen Jeffery, among others.

Ever wonder about single-frame pictures that have trick-labels? You know-ones where the rider looks like he’s doing a standard Indy grab, but the picture caption says switch backside 360 tuna-salad poofter-Indy, or whatever? And you have to go, “Yeah, right-I see it,” ’cause you weren’t there, and what do you know, anyway? But if it was such a big trick, why didn’t it run as a sequence? Maybe he didn’t land it. Maybe he back-checked, cartwheeled, and ended up lying in a disheveled heap, crying about how the landing was too flat, there was a penny in his shoe, and something in his eye. Can an air without a proper landing really be claimed? Wouldn’t adding the word “attempt” to the end of the caption be more honest? If we made that a rule, would we get as many photo submissions? These are the things that keep us up nights.

Red Bull held an “Air & Water” contest in London this August in order to “allow people to experience what it the snowboarding lifestyle is all about,” twelve snowboarders, including Gian Simmen and Mike Basich launched themselves “into the air from a twelve-meter-high ramp, and were judged on the merits of their daredevil midair tricks before they plunged into the water of the Royal Victoria Dock.” Sigh. Vans has added snowboarding to their Triple Crown boardsport series, which already includes skateboarding, surfing, and wakeboarding. No details have been released yet as to what format the contests will follow (i.e., halfpipe, big-air, slopestyle, boardercross, or all of the above), but a large prize purse has been guaranteed, and ESPN has already agreed to air the Triple Crown events internationally. Maybe with Vans’ involvement in the broadcasts, the shit won’t seem so cheezenar. And in East Timor, a small island off the coast of Indonesia that is home to one of the world’s last remaining untouched cultures, a whole bunch of people are still being slaughtered in the name of capitalism. That footage probably won’t air internationally. You can learn about it at the Spitfire Tour, though-a traveling global affairs discussion and activist forum hosted by Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic and Rage Against the Machine’s Zach De La Rocha-coming this fall to a college campus near you. For more information contact On Board Entertainment at e-mail: onboardent@aol.com or call: (415) 289-1510.

Hey everybody, we bought SOUL! Oops, that should read SOL.

We fugged up. The e-mail address of the Irish Snowboard Association is actually: jesterl@tinet.ie. Sorry, Jamie.

Who was spotted parasailing over the jumps of Mt. Hood looking to add a tech new angle to the follow-cam concept? JAH? Was that you? Dave England, the muscle behind the meat at the now defunct Blunt magazine, spent his mornings eating ham and eggs with one hundred grommets at snowboard camp-where he got a job coaching this past summer. When asked about his career change, Dave replied enthusiastically, “This is all I ever wanted to do!” Eric Leines has a new travel partner for the ‘98/99 season: Minidog, his mother’s newly acquired yapping dog, which Leines brought along with him to Riksgransen. To express its feelings about being lugged around the world, Minidog took the liberty of relieving itself in all of Eric’s roommate’s boots, gloves, and socks. At present count, Rob Kingwill is proudly displaying 246 swooshes on his person. Best wishes go out to our Finnish friend, Tomi Toiminen, who has been yanked back home by the Finnish army to serve his mandatory term learning how to shoot something. Michi Albin had to blow off a Southern Hemi photoshoot with TWS Senior Photographer Scott Needham to report to Switzerland for his mandatory army sentence, but when he got there the army turned him down. Something about his being too wild … guess the Finns don’t call him “Crazy Steamhead” for nothing.

Jason Pata bought himself a bar last year in Incline Village where Rob Dafoe works as a bartender. If you missed Jeff Petit’s Valentine’s night party at Pameez bar (more affectionately known as Pata’s Place), you missed out on a what was most likely all the girls in Tahoe gathered in one place. So next time you find yourself in Incline Village, Nevada, stop by Pata’s. Mention you saw it in Tiny and receive a free drink of water. In other Pata Place news, Jason says the bar is now for sale. He decided he misses sitting on the other side of the bar. In fact, that’s all he wants to do. Any interested parties can call Pata at: (702) 831—1350.

Russell Winfield, Jack Coghlan, Roger Madison, Sun Hee Kim, and Ken Koleman are promoting a new golf line called Technical 58-aimed at young people who love to golf but don’t necessarily want to look like their dads. They’ve assembled a team including Jamie Lynn, Devun Walsh, and Ben Ashburner-to name a few. Look for their stuff in skate and snowboard shops this fall. For more info call: (425) 869-5859. Chris Englesman started a line of casual wear called E Tree Clothing. Though not a “golf clothing” company, the stylish blends of cotton should get you on course at a country club with no problem. Rumor has it Brushie is dabbling in the clothing industry also, though we don’t know what, where, or when. And industry ninja Sal Masekela has nabbed Russell and some other people for his new snowboard-wear company, Alpha Numeric.

The second Technical 58 golf tournament was a great success in Hood this summer. Because two teams playing a scramble format finished eight under par, a playoff was added. Editor’s note: if you just don’t understand this last sentence, or don’t give a rat’s ass about golf, skip down a few lines. A clutch putt by Dave Seoane won the playoff for him and his teammates, Andy Hetzely won’t air internationally. You can learn about it at the Spitfire Tour, though-a traveling global affairs discussion and activist forum hosted by Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic and Rage Against the Machine’s Zach De La Rocha-coming this fall to a college campus near you. For more information contact On Board Entertainment at e-mail: onboardent@aol.com or call: (415) 289-1510.

Hey everybody, we bought SOUL! Oops, that should read SOL.

We fugged up. The e-mail address of the Irish Snowboard Association is actually: jesterl@tinet.ie. Sorry, Jamie.

Who was spotted parasailing over the jumps of Mt. Hood looking to add a tech new angle to the follow-cam concept? JAH? Was that you? Dave England, the muscle behind the meat at the now defunct Blunt magazine, spent his mornings eating ham and eggs with one hundred grommets at snowboard camp-where he got a job coaching this past summer. When asked about his career change, Dave replied enthusiastically, “This is all I ever wanted to do!” Eric Leines has a new travel partner for the ‘98/99 season: Minidog, his mother’s newly acquired yapping dog, which Leines brought along with him to Riksgransen. To express its feelings about being lugged around the world, Minidog took the liberty of relieving itself in all of Eric’s roommate’s boots, gloves, and socks. At present count, Rob Kingwill is proudly displaying 246 swooshes on his person. Best wishes go out to our Finnish friend, Tomi Toiminen, who has been yanked back home by the Finnish army to serve his mandatory term learning how to shoot something. Michi Albin had to blow off a Southern Hemi photoshoot with TWS Senior Photographer Scott Needham to report to Switzerland for his mandatory army sentence, but when he got there the army turned him down. Something about his being too wild … guess the Finns don’t call him “Crazy Steamhead” for nothing.

Jason Pata bought himself a bar last year in Incline Village where Rob Dafoe works as a bartender. If you missed Jeff Petit’s Valentine’s night party at Pameez bar (more affectionately known as Pata’s Place), you missed out on a what was most likely all the girls in Tahoe gathered in one place. So next time you find yourself in Incline Village, Nevada, stop by Pata’s. Mention you saw it in Tiny and receive a free drink of water. In other Pata Place news, Jason says the bar is now for sale. He decided he misses sitting on the other side of the bar. In fact, that’s all he wants to do. Any interested parties can call Pata at: (702) 831—1350.

Russell Winfield, Jack Coghlan, Roger Madison, Sun Hee Kim, and Ken Koleman are promoting a new golf line called Technical 58-aimed at young people who love to golf but don’t necessarily want to look like their dads. They’ve assembled a team including Jamie Lynn, Devun Walsh, and Ben Ashburner-to name a few. Look for their stuff in skate and snowboard shops this fall. For more info call: (425) 869-5859. Chris Englesman started a line of casual wear called E Tree Clothing. Though not a “golf clothing” company, the stylish blends of cotton should get you on course at a country club with no problem. Rumor has it Brushie is dabbling in the clothing industry also, though we don’t know what, where, or when. And industry ninja Sal Masekela has nabbed Russell and some other people for his new snowboard-wear company, Alpha Numeric.

The second Technical 58 golf tournament was a great success in Hood this summer. Because two teams playing a scramble format finished eight under par, a playoff was added. Editor’s note: if you just don’t understand this last sentence, or don’t give a rat’s ass about golf, skip down a few lines. A clutch putt by Dave Seoane won the playoff for him and his teammates, Andy Hetzel, Steve Astephen, and Ryan Glancey. Meanwhile, as the playoffs were underway, a few of the golf losers of the day were steadily enjoying the liquid libations left behind by the luncheon crew. Canadians soon showed up, and the antics started. Someone, well, everyone talked David Boyce (don’t call him Sluggo’s little brother) into meatball stunts like ollieing a skateboard onto a picnic table (it took only twelve tries), gorilla bench-pressing an upside-down picnic table, and being the first contestant in a cross-volleyball-court keg toss. Look for more coverage of these antics in the Yellow Sno pages next month with photos from Shawn Fredrick’s forgotten camera (but that’s another story). , Steve Astephen, and Ryan Glancey. Meanwhile, as the playoffs were underway, a few of the golf losers of the day were steadily enjoying the liquid libations left behind by the luncheon crew. Canadians soon showed up, and the antics started. Someone, well, everyone talked David Boyce (don’t call him Sluggo’s little brother) into meatball stunts like ollieing a skateboard onto a picnic table (it took only twelve tries), gorilla bench-pressing an upside-down picnic table, and being the first contestant in a cross-volleyball-court keg toss. Look for more coverage of these antics in the Yellow Sno pages next month with photos from Shawn Fredrick’s forgotten camera (but that’s another story).

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• October 01 1998
• 79 views
• add a comment

Hey there. How ya doin’? All right. You want to read some snowboard industry spray? Okay, but let us show you something first. This is part of a letter we got the other day:

“Dear Snowboarding Editor: We would like to submit editorial and art on automotive afterproducts … blah blah … Traditionally, our audience has been baby boomers, but boomers are quickly racing headlong into middle age, where their concentration is more on retirement funds and hip-replacement surgery than superchargers and new mufflers … yadda yadda … Like all businesses the automotive industry knows it needs the ‘youth market.’ We’ve been touting a project called the X-treme.” Blah-vomit-blah-so what, right? Look at the dorks we have to deal with! We get this crap constantly-mainstream companies looking to cash in on the almighty “youth market” dollar by advertising their non-related products in “alternative sports” magazines such as this one. Now, we know the fact that Nike ran ads in TransWorld pisses a lot of you off to no end, but if we really wanted to be corporate sellouts, you’d have a friggin’ coronary. They want your money soooo bad. Just so you know … ummm …

Canadian ripper Jesse Fulton has hooked up with Sims. Ride recently acquired Justin Mooney, Pete Iversen, and Jon Schurke for their namesake pro team, and Branden Ruff for 5150. We won’t talk about the people they cut, but Dale Rehberg just got picked up by Silence. Elan Bushell, Andy Finch, Lukas Huffman, Kevin Jones, Danny Kass, Mikey LeBlanc, Wendy Powell, J2, Billy Summers, Liz Walker, and Brian Thein have all signed to Northwave. Vans might buy Switch (step-in binding system). And Bobby Meeks still has a pro contract, but rumor has it he makes more money shaving his body and jumping off diving boards in tiny speedos in front of large crowds than he does fully clothed, jumping around in the snow on his board. Rob Dafoe has quit snowboarding. When asked why, he said: “‘Cause I don’t like it, that’s why.” Actually Rob has been busy taking photos, shooting videos, and making movies of anything and everything that interests him (read: art fag).

Jackson Hole’s youngest home owner, Lance Pitman, and roommate Brodie Dowell, have been hosting a series of hick parties-complete with cowboy outfits, Red Bull, and line dancing-for the town’s high school population. In true Canadian fashion, Whistler’s Derek Heidt threw a kegger for the Euros in his Hintertux, Austria hotel room. He finished the beer before half the guests arrived. Meanwhile, across town, the owner of the Scotland Yard Pub was composing an e-mail to Rossi Team Manager Todd Sarandos regarding a certain team training session: “Bon jour, Rossignol snowboard department. During the last week, we had the ‘pleasure’ of having your team riders J.F.? Aleski Litovaara? Chiodi? in town. We, that is the Mayrhofen, Tirol, and myself-Peter, the owner of the Scotland Yard Pub. Your boarders Jonas Emery? Tony Roos? Basterrechea? have been totally misbehaving Paavo? and swearing no, not Paavo. They were aggressive and absolutely out of place. They are probably good snowboarders, but they haven’t got any behavior Blue?, and so we were celebrating yesterday when they left our town.” Ouch.

Four Star Distribution, the mother ship of the Forum, Special Blend, and Four Square Squads, took their entire roster of team members to Cabo San Lucas. After indulging in some of the local favorite libations on a “booze cruise” at dinner and at a few late night “hot spots,” Travis Wood decided to cool things off by emptying the entire contents of a fire extinguisher into the room and onto the bodies and belongings of Four Star worker-bees VeronicFilippelli and Mark Mazza, and Hot Skates owner Rudy Fahell. The hotel wasn’t too happy with the one inch thick layer of foam that covered the walls, floors, and furnishings of the room. Mr. Wood’s credit card now bares the balance of the mishap. Who says punk is dead?

After fulfilling many boyhood dreams-starting a snowboard company, winning the Baker Banked Slalom in ‘89 and ‘97, playing in a band-Rob Morrow decided he wanted to hop a train, hobo style, just for the fun of it. Mr. Morrow began his journey under cover of darkness-falling asleep beside some tracks near his hometown of Salem, Oregon with his hand looped over the rails. The vibration of an oncoming train woke him just in time to hop a boxcar to nearby Albany. Once in Albany, he hitchhiked back to “The Ranch” in Salem (his former home) and called Jake Blattner for a ride to his current residence. Ahhh, twelve hours in the life of snowboarding’s elite!

Chris Brunkhart and Ari Marcopolous have teamed up to produce a snowboard flick. It might be called The Walrus Dream, but Ari has a thick accent, so we could have heard that wrong. It will feature Jamie Lynn, Craig Kelly, Erik Leines, the Turd, and many others, but Ari says it’s “not just a bunch of riding parts. It’s a film about snowboarding-an alternative look through the eyes of two photographers. Some general artsy fartsiness.” No word yet on the video’s release date. John Sommers, his brother, and some other people also made a film about snowboarding that they hope to convince mainstream television networks to buy and broadcast instead of the current 80s footage misinformation that’s aired so frequently. It’s called Snow Taxi, and features interview and riding footage of Sommers, Bryan Iguchi, Barrett Christy, Axel Pauporte, Stine Brun Kjeldaas, and Karleen Jeffery, among others.

Ever wonder about single-frame pictures that have trick-labels? You know-ones where the rider looks like he’s doing a standard Indy grab, but the picture caption says switch backside 360 tuna-salad poofter-Indy, or whatever? And you have to go, “Yeah, right-I see it,” ’cause you weren’t there, and what do you know, anyway? But if it was such a big trick, why didn’t it run as a sequence? Maybe he didn’t land it. Maybe he back-checked, cartwheeled, and ended up lying in a disheveled heap, crying about how the landing was too flat, there was a penny in his shoe, and something in his eye. Can an air without a proper landing really be claimed? Wouldn’t adding the word “attempt” to the end of the caption be more honest? If we made that a rule, would we get as many photo submissions? These are the things that keep us up nights.

Red Bull held an “Air & Water” contest in London this August in order to “allow people to experience what it the snowboarding lifestyle is all about,” twelve snowboarders, including Gian Simmen and Mike Basich launched themselves “into the air from a twelve-meter-high ramp, and were judged on the merits of their daredevil midair tricks before they plunged into the water of the Royal Victoria Dock.” Sigh. Vans has added snowboarding to their Triple Crown boardsport series, which already includes skateboarding, surfing, and wakeboarding. No details have been released yet as to what format the contests will follow (i.e., halfpipe, big-air, slopestyle, boardercross, or all of the above), but a large prize purse has been guaranteed, and ESPN has already agreed to air the Triple Crown events internationally. Maybe with Vans’ involvement in the broadcasts, the shit won’t seem so cheezenar. And in East Timor, a small island off the coast of Indonesia that is home to one of the world’s last remaining untouched cultures, a whole bunch of people are still being slaughtered in the name of capitalism. That footage probably won’t air internationally. You can learn about it at the Spitfire Tour, though-a traveling global affairs discussion and activist forum hosted by Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic and Rage Against the Machine’s Zach De La Rocha-coming this fall to a college campus near you. For more information contact On Board Entertainment at e-mail: onboardent@aol.com or call: (415) 289-1510.

Hey everybody, we bought SOUL! Oops, that should read SOL.

We fugged up. The e-mail address of the Irish Snowboard Association is actually: jesterl@tinet.ie. Sorry, Jamie.

Who was spotted parasailing over the jumps of Mt. Hood looking to add a tech new angle to the follow-cam concept? JAH? Was that you? Dave England, the muscle behind the meat at the now defunct Blunt magazine, spent his mornings eating ham and eggs with one hundred grommets at snowboard camp-where he got a job coaching this past summer. When asked about his career change, Dave replied enthusiastically, “This is all I ever wanted to do!” Eric Leines has a new travel partner for the ‘98/99 season: Minidog, his mother’s newly acquired yapping dog, which Leines brought along with him to Riksgransen. To express its feelings about being lugged around the world, Minidog took the liberty of relieving itself in all of Eric’s roommate’s boots, gloves, and socks. At present count, Rob Kingwill is proudly displaying 246 swooshes on his person. Best wishes go out to our Finnish friend, Tomi Toiminen, who has been yanked back home by the Finnish army to serve his mandatory term learning how to shoot something. Michi Albin had to blow off a Southern Hemi photoshoot with TWS Senior Photographer Scott Needham to report to Switzerland for his mandatory army sentence, but when he got there the army turned him down. Something about his being too wild … guess the Finns don’t call him “Crazy Steamhead” for nothing.

Jason Pata bought himself a bar last year in Incline Village where Rob Dafoe works as a bartender. If you missed Jeff Petit’s Valentine’s night party at Pameez bar (more affectionately known as Pata’s Place), you missed out on a what was most likely all the girls in Tahoe gathered in one place. So next time you find yourself in Incline Village, Nevada, stop by Pata’s. Mention you saw it in Tiny and receive a free drink of water. In other Pata Place news, Jason says the bar is now for sale. He decided he misses sitting on the other side of the bar. In fact, that’s all he wants to do. Any interested parties can call Pata at: (702) 831¿1350.

Russell Winfield, Jack Coghlan, Roger Madison, Sun Hee Kim, and Ken Koleman are promoting a new golf line called Technical 58-aimed at young people who love to golf but don’t necessarily want to look like their dads. They’ve assembled a team including Jamie Lynn, Devun Walsh, and Ben Ashburner-to name a few. Look for their stuff in skate and snowboard shops this fall. For more info call: (425) 869-5859. Chris Englesman started a line of casual wear called E Tree Clothing. Though not a “golf clothing” company, the stylish blends of cotton should get you on course at a country club with no problem. Rumor has it Brushie is dabbling in the clothing industry also, though we don’t know what, where, or when. And industry ninja Sal Masekela has nabbed Russell and some other people for his new snowboard-wear company, Alpha Numeric.

The second Technical 58 golf tournament was a great success in Hood this summer. Because two teams playing a scramble format finished eight under par, a playoff was added. Editor’s note: if you just don’t understand this last sentence, or don’t give a rat’s ass about golf, skip down a few lines. A clutch putt by Dave Seoane won the playoff for him and his teammates, Andy Hetzel, Stevr internationally. You can learn about it at the Spitfire Tour, though-a traveling global affairs discussion and activist forum hosted by Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic and Rage Against the Machine’s Zach De La Rocha-coming this fall to a college campus near you. For more information contact On Board Entertainment at e-mail: onboardent@aol.com or call: (415) 289-1510.

Hey everybody, we bought SOUL! Oops, that should read SOL.

We fugged up. The e-mail address of the Irish Snowboard Association is actually: jesterl@tinet.ie. Sorry, Jamie.

Who was spotted parasailing over the jumps of Mt. Hood looking to add a tech new angle to the follow-cam concept? JAH? Was that you? Dave England, the muscle behind the meat at the now defunct Blunt magazine, spent his mornings eating ham and eggs with one hundred grommets at snowboard camp-where he got a job coaching this past summer. When asked about his career change, Dave replied enthusiastically, “This is all I ever wanted to do!” Eric Leines has a new travel partner for the ‘98/99 season: Minidog, his mother’s newly acquired yapping dog, which Leines brought along with him to Riksgransen. To express its feelings about being lugged around the world, Minidog took the liberty of relieving itself in all of Eric’s roommate’s boots, gloves, and socks. At present count, Rob Kingwill is proudly displaying 246 swooshes on his person. Best wishes go out to our Finnish friend, Tomi Toiminen, who has been yanked back home by the Finnish army to serve his mandatory term learning how to shoot something. Michi Albin had to blow off a Southern Hemi photoshoot with TWS Senior Photographer Scott Needham to report to Switzerland for his mandatory army sentence, but when he got there the army turned him down. Something about his being too wild … guess the Finns don’t call him “Crazy Steamhead” for nothing.

Jason Pata bought himself a bar last year in Incline Village where Rob Dafoe works as a bartender. If you missed Jeff Petit’s Valentine’s night party at Pameez bar (more affectionately known as Pata’s Place), you missed out on a what was most likely all the girls in Tahoe gathered in one place. So next time you find yourself in Incline Village, Nevada, stop by Pata’s. Mention you saw it in Tiny and receive a free drink of water. In other Pata Place news, Jason says the bar is now for sale. He decided he misses sitting on the other side of the bar. In fact, that’s all he wants to do. Any interested parties can call Pata at: (702) 831¿1350.

Russell Winfield, Jack Coghlan, Roger Madison, Sun Hee Kim, and Ken Koleman are promoting a new golf line called Technical 58-aimed at young people who love to golf but don’t necessarily want to look like their dads. They’ve assembled a team including Jamie Lynn, Devun Walsh, and Ben Ashburner-to name a few. Look for their stuff in skate and snowboard shops this fall. For more info call: (425) 869-5859. Chris Englesman started a line of casual wear called E Tree Clothing. Though not a “golf clothing” company, the stylish blends of cotton should get you on course at a country club with no problem. Rumor has it Brushie is dabbling in the clothing industry also, though we don’t know what, where, or when. And industry ninja Sal Masekela has nabbed Russell and some other people for his new snowboard-wear company, Alpha Numeric.

The second Technical 58 golf tournament was a great success in Hood this summer. Because two teams playing a scramble format finished eight under par, a playoff was added. Editor’s note: if you just don’t understand this last sentence, or don’t give a rat’s ass about golf, skip down a few lines. A clutch putt by Dave Seoane won the playoff for him and his teammates, Andy Hetzel, Steve Astephen, and Ryan Glancey. Meanwhile, as the playoffs were underway, a few of the golf losers of the day were steadily enjoying the liquid libations left behind by the luncheon crew. Canadians soon showed up, and the antics started. Someone, well, everyone talked David Boyce (don’t call him Sluggo’s little brother) into meatball stunts like ollieing a skateboard onto a picnic table (it took only twelve tries), gorilla bench-pressing an upside-down picnic table, and being the first contestant in a cross-volleyball-court keg toss. Look for more coverage of these antics in the Yellow Sno pages next month with photos from Shawn Fredrick’s forgotten camera (but that’s another story). Steve Astephen, and Ryan Glancey. Meanwhile, as the playoffs were underway, a few of the golf losers of the day were steadily enjoying the liquid libations left behind by the luncheon crew. Canadians soon showed up, and the antics started. Someone, well, everyone talked David Boyce (don’t call him Sluggo’s little brother) into meatball stunts like ollieing a skateboard onto a picnic table (it took only twelve tries), gorilla bench-pressing an upside-down picnic table, and being the first contestant in a cross-volleyball-court keg toss. Look for more coverage of these antics in the Yellow Sno pages next month with photos from Shawn Fredrick’s forgotten camera (but that’s another story).

Tiny Type

ADMIN

• September 01 1998
• 31 views
• 1 comment

Back again for another season. Let’s get to it.

This month’s topic is industry consolidation. Who will be left standing in the New World Order? If you’ve still got a job, congrats. Better practice stepping in and smiling for the ESPN camera. But let’s move on to happier topics-we’ve got mad stacks of letters and press releases piled up from the winter.

Olympic media fallout saw Shannon Dunn talking up Boarding For Breast Cancer on The Rosie O’Donnell Show, Jake Burton talking down FIS on NPR Fresh Air, and Todd Richards pitching woo on radio’s Loveline. Besides the Letterman-Leno cavalcade of comedy (Top five ways Oprah celebrated her beef defamation not-guilty verdict-Number four: an all-night bender with the Canadian Snowboard Team!), there was the Daily Show (”The Olympic committee decided to test the Canadian snowboarder for marijuana when they found out he was … a snowboarder.”), and snowboarding was a regular whipping boy of Conan O’Brien. Our favorite: “The Olympics are over, but last week Dan Rather won the ratings among the nightly newscasts for the first time in five years. Unfortunately, Dan tested positive for marijuana and will have to give the ratings back.” Word.

Sports Illustrated tried to do some sort of comedic write-up for football armchair warriors … insert your own opinion in the pause there. The joke about mistaking Nagano’s infamous snow monkeys for loud, obnoxious, smelly Olympic snowboarders was pretty funny, though-if not completely original.

Who says size matters? Not when it’s a Mini Balance Bar¿! “Qu’est ce que Competivision?” Why do we get French press releases about Oakley Blades made for tennis players? Who won the run, paddle, drink, puke Ironman Competition in Hermosa, California this last July? What exactly is ASS Industries? Why does twsnow.com come up when you do an Internet search for “sex on a stick“? Is Shaun Palmer the “greatest snowboarder in the world”? Nic Moore! Where are you? We sent you a snowboard, but you changed addresses so we can’t send back your friggin’ pass! Who isn’t using snowboarding to cross-promote their shitty mainstream products these days? How genius is the Angry Beaver (Miller Light) ad campaign? Who is Dick, anyway? Mom, is that you? What?

Michael Lucas owes Kevin Jones two dollars. Two … or was it ten? Bluebird Wax has announced its team for the nine-eight. Devun Walsh, Mikey Leblanc, Lance Pitman, Joel Mahaffy, Justin Mooney, Bryan Iguchi, Johan Olofsson, Michi Albin, Rob Duncan, Chris Engelsman, and Rob Kingwill are the pro-guy powerhouse teamsters thus far for this rider-owned company started by Type A’s Willie McMillon-while the entire snowboard population of Jackson Hole claims sponsored-am status. Some snowboard companies went out of business-some only distribute in Europe now. Devun Walsh is riding for Forum, Chris Brown is riding for Burton, and The Italian Stallion (Kevin Sansalone) hooked up with Option. MIA signed Helmut Wacker (that’s right-just call him Helli) of Lermoos, Austria, to their B team. Nixon … that’s it. Airwalk doesn’t appear to have cut anyone this year, but we could be wrong. Other company team rosters will be announced as soon as they figure out who’s still on ‘em.

“Ohio Player” Mark Radefeld was on fire in the late season and shows promise as a dominator in the overall. At April’s USASA Nationals in Telluride he stood tall during four days of halfpipe, slopestyle, GS, and slalom (as well as a boardercross exhibition), walking away with the title. Then in May at the Stratton Mountain EQX Games (a mix of snowboarding, skateboarding, mouain-biking, and wall-climbing), Radefeld took a halfpipe second, overtaking local Olympic bronze-medalist Ross Powers. ESPN gave Ross one of those spiffy new VW Bugs for being the overall placer at the Winter X-Games last season, and he gave it to his moms for Mother’s Day. Pay attention-chicks dig guys who are down for their mothers.

Someone swiped our girl Summer’s brand-new NFA jacket from some resort in Canada this last winter. She says it was the best jacket she ever had, and whoever did it can rot in hell. What’s up with jacking other people’s hard-earned snowboard gear? Some Palmer test boards got removed from an on-snow demo in Austria. No word on whether the goods were recovered or not. You people know stealing shit is lame, right? Knock it off.

Sims Marketing Director Dave Wray likes to ride-so much that he placed fifth at Mt. Baker’s inaugural Hemispheres Last Track freeride competition out of 30 other riders, like Teague Mullen who won, and Tex who snagged second. Competitors had to hike to the top of Hemispheres, pick a line, and stick a line. With one to qualify and one final, this could be the first distance event where contestants supplied their own transportation. Not to be outdone, K2 Sales Manager Luke Edgar went trekking in the North Cascades with Out Of Thin Air author Jon Krakauer. A former Seattle-ite, Krakauer wanted to do some backcountry riding and hooked with his infamous tour guide through a mutual friend. After poor weather caused a Mt. Rainier shutout, an alternate spot found the group huddled under a rock, drinking scotch and listening to crazy Everest stories. “I asked him if he wanted to do a snowboard story for TransWorld,” Edgar says. “But he says his agent gets, like, 50 requests a day.” Our loss.

The world’s foremost fashion designers and Billy, the world’s first out-and-proud gay doll, have joined forces in a benefit for LIFEbeat to raise money for AIDS awareness. Godzilla? Jurassic Park in New York City. Come on now. And on the Madison Avenue homogenization of snowboarding battlefront, Blunt magazine has been officially disbanded. Word from unofficial sources is that in order to increase ad sales, Larry Flynt wanted the boys to make another TransWorld, so they all quit. Hopefully they’ll regroup again somewhere, somehow-so that out from under the scrutiny of the mighty corporate eye, the darker voice of snowboarding will be heard once again. Hallelujah!

Congratulations go out to everybody’s favorite snowboarding Beastie, Adam Yauch (a.k.a. MCA), who was happily married this past May. Though Mr. Yauch’s dedication to increasing awareness of the atrocities committed by the Chinese government against the people of Tibet have limited his appearances on Utah slopes as of late, dibs have already been called on who gets to teach all future mini-Yauchs how to snowboard. By the by, the Chinese government recently issued an official statement that any performer playing recent and future Tibetan Freedom Concerts (put on by the Beastie Boys and friends) will be forever banned from entering China and Tibet. Beck, KRS-1, A Tribe Called Quest, Wyclef Jean, R.E.M., Sonic Youth, Live, Dave Matthews, Sean Lennon, Luscious Jackson, Pearl Jam, Radiohead, and of course, the Beastie Boys, are just some of the bands being affected by this decree. For more information on this and other Tibet-related shtuffs, contact The Milarepa Fund at: 1-888-milarepa, or on the Web: http://www.milarepa.org

Innocently caught in the crossfire of some testosterone-laden bouncers and a bunch of SuperDiamond fans at North Lake Tahoe’s Elevations club, Snowboard Life Ass. Editor, Scooter Leonard was nearly shoved down a flight of icy stairs by some pork with a badge shouting, “Clear the area,” after the aprés-concert scuffle. Enraged, Scooter asked the cop for his name and badge number, and was given handcuffs and a night in jail for an answer. The arresting officer’s poker buddy was then assigned to preside over Mr. Leonard’s pending maximum-penalty “obstruction of justice” court case, which Scooter’s lawyers have advised him, is impossible to fight. What now? Take it Ice Cube: “He’s getting f-ked with no Vaseline/ just a match and a little bit of gasoline.” Moral? Walk the other way when you see a cop in Tahoe.

Speaking of pissed, the hippie living in an upstairs studio above Circe Wallace and TWS Ad Rep Becky Aramayo’s Cardiff, California home (which, incidentally, used to be J1’s crib) left a candle lit in her room that fell over and burned the house down. Oops. Adam Hostetter (U.S. Olympic race competitor, and big-mountain rider) broke his leg rag-dolling down some gnar face in Valdez, Alaska. He can’t be too happy right now, either. Johan Olofsson’s U.S. visitor’s visa expired while he was in Alaska filming his TB7 part (which is rumored by industry insiders to be completely insane). The Swede was forced to fly out of the country-taking refuge at a friend’s house on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico … where his passport and money were stolen. Luckily, his faithful friend and roommate, Bryan Iguchi, was able to fly down to the surf spot, I mean, their friend’s house, with some backup money to get Johan by until he could get a duplicate passport/legal entrance back into Sweden.

So they were sitting in their room, thinking about everything. But then again they were thinking about nothing, when a bikini-briefed bandit masquerading as a drunk Euro business dude walked into JJ Thomas and Eric Leines‘ Austrian hotel room, stripped down to his tightie whities, and crawled into bed between the two lads (actually, they were sleeping). Upon discovering the banana-hammock-clad stranger, Eric had to keep JJ from beating the bun-hugger senseless while he crawled out of bed and slowly put all his clothes, including a tie, back on and walked out the door saying all he wanted was a Pepsi. If you want to go snowboarding in Europe this winter under the guise of getting a proper education, there’s a new French language school in Chamonix, France (extreme-riding mecca). The course begins January 1999, and is open to all levels. Call: 33-5-4641-2139 or visit the Web: www.insted.se for more information.

Aspen Skiing Company (you know, Aspen-the mountain that still doesn’t allow snowboarding) has hired a “snowboard director for area mountains.” Ummmm. Our new friend Ryan Jones sent the design of our Fantasy Pipe (magic carpet, night lights, and all) to the Canyons in Park City, Utah. Ryan claims they were interested (sure they were), so anyone with a related/follow-up story should write in and tell us about it. Jamie “Jester” Kavanagh, president of the Irish Snowboard Association, needs help raising money to send an Irish Olympic team to Salt Lake City in 2002. E-mail him at: jesterl@tiner.ie if you want to contribute. Greg Valentino: beautiful coloring, but you’re a couple years too late to win the free snowboard, buddy. (O.T.B.! Where are you? I’m trapped in a Southern California office building-send natural lighting and some Prozac, quick!) Hey, Mr. Alternaties guy! What the hell is your real number? The one you gave us belongs to two poor girls in Rutland, Vermont who have no idea who you are. Does anyone know how to get a hold of the dude who makes the snowboard tie we published in Yellow Sno last March? We’ll give you something cooltions club, Snowboard Life Ass. Editor, Scooter Leonard was nearly shoved down a flight of icy stairs by some pork with a badge shouting, “Clear the area,” after the aprés-concert scuffle. Enraged, Scooter asked the cop for his name and badge number, and was given handcuffs and a night in jail for an answer. The arresting officer’s poker buddy was then assigned to preside over Mr. Leonard’s pending maximum-penalty “obstruction of justice” court case, which Scooter’s lawyers have advised him, is impossible to fight. What now? Take it Ice Cube: “He’s getting f-ked with no Vaseline/ just a match and a little bit of gasoline.” Moral? Walk the other way when you see a cop in Tahoe.

Speaking of pissed, the hippie living in an upstairs studio above Circe Wallace and TWS Ad Rep Becky Aramayo’s Cardiff, California home (which, incidentally, used to be J1’s crib) left a candle lit in her room that fell over and burned the house down. Oops. Adam Hostetter (U.S. Olympic race competitor, and big-mountain rider) broke his leg rag-dolling down some gnar face in Valdez, Alaska. He can’t be too happy right now, either. Johan Olofsson’s U.S. visitor’s visa expired while he was in Alaska filming his TB7 part (which is rumored by industry insiders to be completely insane). The Swede was forced to fly out of the country-taking refuge at a friend’s house on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico … where his passport and money were stolen. Luckily, his faithful friend and roommate, Bryan Iguchi, was able to fly down to the surf spot, I mean, their friend’s house, with some backup money to get Johan by until he could get a duplicate passport/legal entrance back into Sweden.

So they were sitting in their room, thinking about everything. But then again they were thinking about nothing, when a bikini-briefed bandit masquerading as a drunk Euro business dude walked into JJ Thomas and Eric Leines‘ Austrian hotel room, stripped down to his tightie whities, and crawled into bed between the two lads (actually, they were sleeping). Upon discovering the banana-hammock-clad stranger, Eric had to keep JJ from beating the bun-hugger senseless while he crawled out of bed and slowly put all his clothes, including a tie, back on and walked out the door saying all he wanted was a Pepsi. If you want to go snowboarding in Europe this winter under the guise of getting a proper education, there’s a new French language school in Chamonix, France (extreme-riding mecca). The course begins January 1999, and is open to all levels. Call: 33-5-4641-2139 or visit the Web: www.insted.se for more information.

Aspen Skiing Company (you know, Aspen-the mountain that still doesn’t allow snowboarding) has hired a “snowboard director for area mountains.” Ummmm. Our new friend Ryan Jones sent the design of our Fantasy Pipe (magic carpet, night lights, and all) to the Canyons in Park City, Utah. Ryan claims they were interested (sure they were), so anyone with a related/follow-up story should write in and tell us about it. Jamie “Jester” Kavanagh, president of the Irish Snowboard Association, needs help raising money to send an Irish Olympic team to Salt Lake City in 2002. E-mail him at: jesterl@tiner.ie if you want to contribute. Greg Valentino: beautiful coloring, but you’re a couple years too late to win the free snowboard, buddy. (O.T.B.! Where are you? I’m trapped in a Southern California office building-send natural lighting and some Prozac, quick!) Hey, Mr. Alternaties guy! What the hell is your real number? The one you gave us belongs to two poor girls in Rutland, Vermont who have no idea who you are. Does anyone know how to get a hold of the dude who makes the snowboard tie we published in Yellow Sno last March? We’ll give you something cool if you track him down. Promise. Dan Rohrbach? Got your e-mail. The answer’s no. And it’s not our fault that the 800 number we published for the Snoballer¿ last season is hooked up to a phone-sex line. We’re not allowed to do stuff like that on purpose … really. It doesn’t even work anymore, anyway. Not that we checked.cool if you track him down. Promise. Dan Rohrbach? Got your e-mail. The answer’s no. And it’s not our fault that the 800 number we published for the Snoballer¿ last season is hooked up to a phone-sex line. We’re not allowed to do stuff like that on purpose … really. It doesn’t even work anymore, anyway. Not that we checked.