CAPiTA Has 3rd Best Snowboard Team Ever
SEATTLE, WA (August 12, 2004)
The CAPiTA snowboarding company’s recent campaign to totally dominate the entire snowboard market received praise Thursday as word spread about the acquisition of Travis Parker and the newly formed “3rd best snowboard team ever”.?
“Before this?man, we were just a rowdy clan of hacks and renegades,” explained company president Blue Montgomery. ?Beerbongs, tailgates, Judas Priest, and no mufflers man. It was loud man; it was crazy. Now, it’s like the same, but, umm, ya know, like totally different. Now, it?s ON man, like, way on?.”
In fact, the free-agent signing and 3 year deal with “known pro” Travis Parker is proof positive that CAPiTA’s front office believes their team of professional athletes and artists can exploit snowboard culture, by any means necessary, to sell products and acquire some actual market share.
Historically speaking, the contemporary CAPiTA team of TJ Schneider, Tyler Lepore, Corey Smith, Ryan Thompson, and -now- Travis Parker are in good company. The 2nd best snowboard team ever was the early ninety’s day-glow clad superheros from OP, Damian Sanders, Dana Nicholson, and Steve Graham, while the number one slot will forever belong to the late 80’s Barfoot Team of Dave and Ken Achenbach, Alex Warburton, Even Feen, Don Schwartz, Jon Boyer, Mike Estes, Kieth Heimel, John Smith, and Doug “hot lungy” Lundgren.
Parker, the premier unrestricted free agent on the market in 2004, had 99 grabs including a League-leading seven shorthanded points for grabs between the legs, and during 61 days shooting for Robot food?s latest film, only spent 5 minutes in the penalty box for grabs in the ‘forbidden zone’. He has tallied 736 grabs in 427 career shred trips with his other clubs, primarily DC, Airblaster, Smith, Bonfire, and the Block.
“Travis only lives to get radical,” said Montgomery. “He can do frontside airs, backside airs, J-tears, laybacks, slashers, nose picks, lien draculas, bloody draculas, chicken salads, egg salads, roast beefs, sad plants, andrechts, backside 360s, and can back flip off just about anything. We’re so hyped he’s officially on CAPiTA now, we don’t even really do work any more. We just party. All day. Every day.”-
CAPiTA Snowboarding is based on the fishing docks of Seattle, Washington, distributed by C3-worldwide in North America, A4 in Europe, and is proud to be associated with respected professional snowboarders TJ Schneider, Tyler Lepore, Corey Smith, Ryan Thompson, and Travis Parker.