Salty Sam Driver and the Story of the Artifact Jerk Moves

Salty Sam Driver and the Story of the Artifact Jerk Moves by Ron Faverty

Sam Driver, aside from being The Man, has been a part of the Rome SDS family for quite a long time.  Born and raised in the Portland Oregon area, Driver’s a rippin’ snowboarder and one of the best dudes you’ll ever get a chance to hang out with.

Driver and his gun.
Driver and his gun.

About three years ago, Driver was hitting a booter out at Mt. Hood and suffered a pretty gnarly compound fracture to his fibula or tibia.  Salty by nature, there’s nothing like a bone sticking out of your leg and a year-plus worth of recovery to really let the bitter flow.  I have fond memories of Driver’s recovery period: him sitting at a concrete pool with a box of Hamm’s, tossing screws into the flat bottom, laughing and slapping his knee with pure joy at the swell-bows he was creating.

It was about this time that the idea for the Jerk Move Coffee Table Book, (which he still may publish) dawned on him.  Just a book of moves one would do if they were a Total Jerk.  According to Driver, there are rules to a Jerk Move though.  They can’t be done for any real personal gain.  For instance, robbing a bank is not a Jerk Move; you’re just trying to get paid, and aren’t that into working.  It also can’t REALLY hurt anyone.  Pushing someone down the stairs is not a Jerk Move.  This rule however is gray.  Going to the Gap while you have the chicken pox, and touching every piece of clothing in the store…that may indeed be a Jerk Move.

Every week or so, I’d get a text message from Driver that would read something like, “Jerk Move #168: Have a cookout with free hot-dogs at a PETA rally”, or “Jerk Move #94: Upper-decker your girlfriend’s toilet and then blame her for it.”

Treebonk! PHOTO: Tyler Osland

One thing about having friends on the West Coast is that their 1 am good times are your 4 am sleep times.  This means I read a lot of texts and listen to a lot of voicemails the next day.  One morning, Mike Paddock, (the Art Director of board graphics here at Rome) and I, were standing in front of Rome, drinking a morning coffee and chatting a bit.  While he was mentioning he was in the process of thinking up next year’s Artifact, I was reading text messages… and there was a spankin’ new Jerk Move from Driver.  It was absolutely a perfect fit.

Every Rome Artifact is stamped with the “Driver Approved” logo.  This lets you know that this isn’t just  run of the mill mischief, but a true Jerk Move, putting you on the path to being… a Total Jerk.


*While the Rome SDS cannot endorse, or be held responsible for repercussions of an initiated Jerk Move, we do request photos.