Boy, do I feel ripped off. I mean, here we are at an MTV gig, and I haven’t run into any of the big rock stars that the press release promised. I want my MTV! No Sarah Michele Gellar,

no Jennifer Love Hewitt, no Reese Friggin’ Witherspoon. Pardon my language, but she needed a middle name just like the preceding two absent hotties. Where’s all the star womens at? I did meet Mark McGrathno not the homerun king, the guy from Sugar Ray. He was really cool and funny but too busy taping with fellow rockstar Sal Masekela to stop for a few words. MTV Veejays Ananda Lewis and Carson Daly are both real pretty < and famous, I suppose, but they're really just journalists like mefor the lack of a better example.

A small field, just twelve guys made up the Men’s Boarder-X. Of course all eyes on Palm, everybody’s hero. The man to be reckoned with. And then next to him was a man who seemed to slip in and out of the crowd with complete obscurityeven though he’s been the world’s overall champion for damn near a decade, not to mention Swatch Boardercross champ of 1997. Yep, it was the Swiss sensation, Bertrand Denervauda rider I’ve personally regarded as the best rider in the world. Now before you start barking Terje-Daniel at me, go ahead and look up his contest stats. Not too many can hang with Ol’ Dirty Bertie.

And then came Russell Winfield, who Sal Masekela heralded today as “the Jackie Robinson of Snowboarding.” Russ was running the boardercross in a sweatshirt with a beanie (no helmet), and get thisjeans. He looked like he just stepped out of the mall. If that’s not a rock star for ya, I’ll drown in my own vomit.

Men’s Bordercross

1. Shaun Palmer $4,000

2. Dave Dowd $2,000

3. Bertrand Denervaud $1,000

Cliff’s Note: Dave Dowd and ‘Ol Dirty Bertie hung on two second and third respectively as the holeshot and win went yet again to his Majesty The Palm. Maybe it just is “Too damn easy” for him. My pappy used to say “It ain’t talkin’ shit if you can back it up.” If that’s true, Palm almost sounds modest.

“Four grand ain’t bad for two runsthat’ll buy some new wheels for the truck.”Shaun “I’m gonna try those little skis next” Palmer

“I was right behind The Palm all the way into the step upPalm sucked it up, and I overshot the landing into the flat.”Russell Winfield, in his first-ever boardercross

Women’s Bordercross

1. Marguerite Cossetini $4,000

2. Pillars Nillard $2,000

3. Tina Dixon $1,000

Aussie Marguerite Cossetini, the favorite, just edged out Palm Team’s Nillard, with Dixon (who despite crashing, kept advancing) finding third.

Men’s Triple Big Air

1. J.P. Walker $4,000

2. Shaun White $1,000

3. Jason Borgstede $1,000

3. Gian Simmen $1,000

 

Cliff’s Note: J.P. Walker is unstoppable, even when conditions predict the unstompable. The women of the big air judge the event, awarding eleven-year old Shaun White second placewhich some suspect is because he”s so little and cute. Truth be known, he clearly hung with the big boys todaylarge airs for his sizeokay, so he is little and cute. Jason and Gian both put in solid performances, tying for third. A very stoked Shaun splits his winnings with them evenly, placing the rest directly into a college fund to keep his amateur status.

***Special noteKevin Jones pulled out a new move he’s coined as a “double-up to the R-do mellow,” but sadly did not find himself in today’s money.

 

Women’s Triple Big Air

1. Tina Basich $4,000

2. Tara Dakides $2,000

3. Jessica Dalpiaz $1,000

Cliff’s Note:

Tina B is still on top after all these years, scoring a solid two points above the rest. Tara Dakides has been ripping everything as of lateperfecting those flips each outing. Utah’s Jessie Dalpiaz rode very well and doesn’t seem to be injured at all. She’s tough, and the judges think she’s cute.

***Where is Barrett Christy?

Onward, my search for rock stars continued. The hot girl from Party Of Five who sings that annoying song is still not here. Dissed. Hey! I showered for this! I got up early and everythingdoes everybody lie in these press releases? Hmmn, I guess so. Manipulation of the massesit’s the American way. I’m aged by my own stupidity for thinking they’d be here. No famous hot chicks. I feel like a sucker.

And there they wereMTV’s big-air winner Tina Basich and Foo Fighter Dave Grohl. Two rock stars, and one of them is a famous hottie!

I handed off my tape recorder(because any real journalist always pans off work to the unsuspectingjust ask Tom Sawyer). And off they went with the chauffeur in the super-stretch limo. (Actually, it was with some beatnik loser named Chad in a white Isuzu Trooper.) This is what was on the recorder when I got it back.

It was the perfect end to a beautiful SoCal day. So what if boardercross heats were 30 minutes in between. No one really cared. I even gave up on looking for all those famous no shows. Come to think of it, I saw a lot of rock stars today.

Thanks, MTV.