Sat, Jul 6 2013 6:00 am |
Dude Stew: A Recipe for the Ultimate Man Camping Trip
Something about being in the woods makes a man want to cut stuff with a knife. Swiss army style, Rambo machete, samurai sword, whatever you prefer, just make sure it’s sharp.
The firewood isn’t going to chop itself. A chainsaw is the ideal implement, but no matter what tool you’ve got for the job, just cut it, split it, and keep it burning. And remember, it’s best to finish firewood chores before getting too deep into the Crown and Kokanee.
• Spare Binding Parts
Don’t let Murphy’s Law strike you down. On the man trip, shit’s gonna break.
When it’s time for that big build, you’ll be glad you’ve got these. Great for packing down the in-run, little hikes to scope, and also longer hikes if you happen to enjoy that sort of thing.
After sledding, shoveling jumps, and rag-dolling down landings all day you’ll be dead after dinner. But guess what? Dudes snore—especially dudes who wash down a dinner of pork chops and Toblerone with seven shots of Fireball. Add to that the symphony of wheezing, teeth grinding, and farts, and you might never sleep. But remember earplugs and you’ll be out cold faster than Bozung in that one web video.
Drinking it blue doesn’t always work. For the trip’s inevitable down day or an after-dinner diversion, a deck of cards, a travel chess set, or some dice will make hours spent marinating in the cabin a bit more entertaining.
Your bros really don’t want to lend you their headlamp for your late-night tinkle. Bring your own and pee freely.
• Rape Whistle
Backcountry guides often use a whistle to keep groups together as they make their way through tight trees or low visibility descents. It’s not a bad idea to have one on your pack if you get separated. It can also come in handy if one of the bros overdoes it on the Crown Royal and tries to crawl into your sleeping bag.
It should be pretty clear that this steaming pile of info and questionable advice is mainly meant to fire you up for initiating a trip of your own. You’re a man, so you don’t need some magazine telling you how to have a good time, right? Venturing out into the wild with your bros and your boards isn’t rocket science. All it takes is some planning and motivation. Man up, plan up, and go.