The Pros And Cons Of Working At A Resort
It’s that time of year again-Christmas break. Two weeks of puking, first from the five quarts of egg nog you drank, then from the nonstop barrage of vomit-inducing Christmas music piped through every speaker within a hundred-mile radius. To top it all off, after buying your mom the home mustache-wax kit she wanted so badly, you can’t even afford to go up and try out the gear Santa left you.
Don’t fret, our little saggy-panted friend-we Interns have a solution: get a job at your local shred hotspot for the rest of the season. Not only will this cure the no-money blues, but most resorts give you a pass or lift tickets in exchange for your blood, sweat, and tears. Now hold on there, cowboy-you can’t just take whatever they’re giving without checkin’ the facts. Once again we’ve gone deep undercover to dig up what you need to know about the jobs you’re applying for. No thanks necessary-not like anyone ever thanks us, anyway.
Lift Operator
Pros: When it’s slow, a lot of resorts allow lifties to shred on the clock. Crooked lift ops make a lot of friends. Peeing in the woods.
Cons: When it’s 33 degrees and raining out-you’re standing in it. Shittin’ in the woods. Pinhead customers who think they’re your boss just because they bought a lift ticket.
Graveyard-Shift Janitor
Pros: “Forgetting” to put all the good stuff you find in the lost and found (we believe the hippies call it a “fatty ground score”). No one around except the security guards to tell you what to do. First chair every morning. Not having to deal with pinhead customers.
Cons: Chances of you riding more than that first chair after being up all night are slim. Dealing with sopping-wet garbage for eight hours. The only people you get to talk to are wannabe cops.
Cafeteria Worker
Pros: Free food. You’re inside. If someone is an asshole, you can spit in their food. Crooked food-service dudes also make a lot of friends.
Cons: Everything you own will smell like chili fries. Dealing with the 30-year-old cooking-school dropout behind the grill. Pinhead customers who think they’re your boss, just because they bought a hot chocolate.
Ski Patrol
Pros: You can go wherever the hell you want. You get to throw bombs. You have the ability to close down entire runs for you and your friends. You can pull people’s lift tickets. Chicks will dig you.
Cons: You’re “The Man.” Most of the day consists of staring into open wounds. It’s your job to try to set off avalanches. A lot of your time is spent dragging a body down the hill behind you. Pinhead customers who think they’re your boss just because they snapped a femur.
Host
Pros: What the hell do you even do? You just stand around all day and point out where the bathrooms are.
Cons: You just stand around all day and point out where the bathrooms are. Pinhead kids who think they’re your boss just ’cause they can’t find their mommy.
