Four Things You Should Do While On The Chairlift
At most resorts in the world, riding the chairlift can take more time than actually riding down the damn hill. And thanks to the high-speed quad, now you get to spend extended periods of time with a bunch of people you don’t even know. It’s like being stuck in an elevator for fifteen minutes with a flatulent close-talker-awkward. But don’t fear, ’cause the Angry Interns are here, with more bad ideas for your feeble little minds.
Talk To A Stranger
Going through a tough time in your life? Sometimes no one has better insight than a complete stranger. Maybe they can help you out with that rash or explain to you why you only want to have sex with cats. For all you know, they might be a doctor or a shrink.
Tell People How Rad You Are
Looking to promote yourself? Well, shit, you got a captive audience. Give ‘em the whole speel-how you can lick your own eyebrows and speak in an extinct tongue, how your mom once dated the keyboard player from ‘N Sync’s backup band-whatever you got. Just don’t stop reminding them that you’re better than they are.
Point Out Other People’s Weaknesses
Nothing lets other people know how cool you are than telling them how much they suck. Somebody (god forbid) could be wearing outerwear from last year. This could be a prime time to scream from the chair informing them of their wackness. Maybe they aren’t bagging enough air on your favorite jump-heckle away.
(P.S. We’re being sarcastic, idiot.)
Meet A New Life Mate
We already told you about the whole captive-audience thing. Use it to your advantage. Throw down some smooth-ass lines, like, “Can I help you widen your stance?” or, “Are you regular or goofy? I go both ways.” This is a sure-fire way to completely blow it.
Okay, One Don’t (We Couldn’t Help Ourselves):
Talk About Your Drug Habit
What are you, an eighth-grade dirt-rocker? No one cares about your “dank nugs” or whatever shitty nickname they got this month. So keep it to yourself, along with all the stoner talk about “kind” this and “fatty” that. Save it for Burning Man.