If there is one thing we interns have learned over the past few years, it’s that every professional snowboarder who walks through the doors of TWS has gotten to where they’re at by one of two methods: A) Pure skill and personality, or B) Kissing so much ass they’ve got hemorrhoids on their face.
It dawned on us one day that readers might not realize they too can be pro snowboarders, even if they’re only marginally talented. Seeing as everyone who works in this office is either a washed-up pro or a has-been-never-was, they obviously knew who to schmooze. We compiled a short list for you.
Local Snowboard Rep
These guys are masters of promotion–if anyone can make crap look like gold, it’s them. It’s their job. These are the same people who, when asked how they’re doing, reply with, “Good, (insert company’s new putrid line of stuff) is selling great.”
Up-And-Coming Shreds
Jump on their balls and start swinging before it gets too crowded down there. If you’re part of the next big thing’s crew, you don’t need talent to get free shit. Case in point: The Grenerds.
Magazine Dudes
Do you really think Coyle’s drinking buddies are any good? Hell no! Yet they get shots in every issue. Why? ’Cause he has no real friends, so he buys them off with mentions in Yellow Snow.
Photographer
A good photographer can make Chris Farley look like Chris Brown. If there’s one on the come-up in your area, make sure to really kiss his/her butt. That way when they get big, so will you.
Team Manager
The golden egg of schmooze. They control all of the product. Making nice with one of these guys is the ticket to all the free shit you could possibly eBay. And the best part is, if you really convince these guys you like ’em, the packages will keep coming long after your sham of a career is over.
Filmer
These formerly hard-to-come-by friends are a dime a dozen today (see Up-And-Coming Shreds).
So, seeing as the rest of the folks around here won’t inform you about it ’cause they’re to busy doing “real work” (traveling around the world and getting drunk), we have once again made sure you get the information that you most likely don’t need.
For the sake of space, we will stick with a super-pro and not even dive into the seedy underworld of a B-team rider.
